Archive for the ‘Sex Work’ Category

hell yeah!

and yes its me, and yes any art in it i drew and yes the six armed Kali naga drawing is my back tattoo and yes, i  did make her look scrawny like me!!!!  And yes, I look vastly different with red, black and blonde hair… blonde bad, red or black okay, even black and pink and white dreads!  And do not ask about my Agent Smith obsession, just…don’t!

Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.

So yeah, I went there via Hugo’s to see the wound licking and whining.  I admit it.  Blah blah blah.  Read the comments…so, now, to answer the burning question:  No, I am not Liz.  In fact, I gottta comment from Liz in my pending folder I ain’t yet decided to publish or not, because well, she asked me a lot, and I mean a lot, of personal shit about being a sex worker that stuck me, creepiest freak around, as….creeepy.  Above and beyond the oh so personally violating college question and shit.  AND, well, since according to Rad Fem Legend, I am a completely arrogant, unhinged narcissist and sociopath, if I WAS gonna go “chat” with Meghan, I’d use my own damn screen name, and I am sure I would be moderated, and, actually, I do not go to rad fem blogs and comment unless it’s been said its okay for me to do so: so yeah, that’s like one Rad Fem blog total?  I long ago realized it was fuckin’ futile to try and discuss with these people on their own damn turf-’ cause ya get gangbanged, the bad kind, with no kiss no lube and no reach around – that is IF you make it outta moderation in tact.  So, no…it’s not me.   Hell Meghan, Liz didn’t even call ya Cupcake, Cupcake and was WAY fuckin’ more polite than I ever woulda been to your pretentious patronizing ass!  So, there you go.

BUT, in case Liz is still reading here: Try this on for some answers-

NO, it is unlikely the two sides can ally to help women who want out of the sex industry out because it is real fuckin’ hard to work with anyone who makes a damn national pastime outta dehumanizing, patronizing and basically being douchebags to you- and that’s what a lotta rad fems DO to sex workers and their advocates.  Even if it is in the name of a better thing or whatever, well, a lot of folk simply will not work with other folk who treat ‘em like fuckin’ garbage left in the sun to rot.   Even if this side tries, we get shit on, so, why keep trying?  It’s like smashing yer head into a dashboard repeatedly.

The Reason They Distort and Misuse the Facts is because they will do fuckin’ anything: lie, slander, tap dance, move goal posts, spin, whine, threaten (and I mean the real deal- not that shit Meghan was whining about) and all kinds of shady shit to champion their precious righteousness.  Plain and simple.  They don’t give a fuck about actual facts or bullshit bias in their crap reasearch so long as they can make it or spin it to say what they want…and they will never fuckin’ own up to it cause they are fanatics with a cause and the cause matters more than the actual truth.  Admitting it is bullshit would take guts (lacking), and thinking (lacking), and reconsidering of their tactics (lacking).  See, they won’t just engage and actually answer up to little old meany cursing hot head me- they won’t fuckin’ do it with anyone.

So, there ya go, Liz.  Hope yer satisfied.

 

 

 

 

Okay, in the last couple days I have had folk ask/discuss with me/comment about how, well, I seem so angry and curse a lot and shit of that nature.  And yes, sometimes, it apparently is much like shooting myself in the foot, but you know, I am almost willing to bet, just from past history and previous experiences, that if I had been nice and sweet and mellow to Meghan on that thread…my questions and concerns still would have been ignored, talked around, not addressed, and remained hanging there unanswered.  Why?  Well this ain’t exactly my first time to this sorta dance, and in the past, even when nice as pie, well, no answers.  Deflection.  Galloping Goal Posts…and why yes, heaps and heaps of patronization and assumptions and other assorted foolery.   Would Meghan have been any different if I had not blown up at her?  I dunno.  Maybe, but I kinda think no because she has ignored the questions and comments and theories which are not in line with her own mode of thinking from people on that thread who were civil and polite to her, and well, it seems to be the typical nature of the beast, as it were.  These folk do not like to be challenged, regardless of civility, and thusly will not directly engage unless they have utter control over the spin, discourse and level of hostility-or are forced to, like in an actual debate setting, but even then the majority will tap dance like hell to keep you off their asses with actual fact and the views of people who actually work in the sex biz and do not just study it.  Simply put, they ignore being questioned by anyone who is not one of their own, and will do just about anything to not have to answer the hard questions.  Been there, done that, have all the notes & headaches.

So I then ask the folk who ask about me being angry and hostile? Well, why the hell wouldn’t I be?  You can only be dismissed, patronized, presumed about, lied about, distorted, and generally treated like shit by these sorts so many times before, well, you get angry.  Very Angry.  You can only hear the same dehumanizing, infantilizing, broken record bad reasearch bullshit before you say “fuck this, I am done being civilized with people who obviously think of me and people like me akin to crap”.   You can, in short, only take so much.  And I sorta wonder if the folk who are saying “you shouldn’t get so angry” would say that if it was THEM being treated like that, addressed like that, and why yes, condescended to like that all the damn time.  I wonder if they had to put up with this crap, 24/7, seven days a week, 365 days a year, for x amount of years, if they would dare question why I get so angry.  Let me tell y’all something, true beleivers….I LONG ago gave up on other people being willing to stand up for me or defend me or say hey, that anger of yours, it’s  justified.  You know who I can rely on to stand up for me and challenge this shit and not say “oh, don’t take it so serious” or “oh it’ not really that important” or “oh, you shouldn’t get angry about it’?

????

Me.  Yep, that’s right, just me.   So, do not tell me not to get fuckin’ angry….or try being dehumanized, patronized, condescended to, lied about, and all that other good fucking shit 24/7, seven days a week, 365 days a year for awhile….then come back and tell me why again that it shouldn’t piss me off.  I dare you. 

Anger isn’t necessarily bad, y’all.  It reminds you that you are in fact alive, and yep, serves and One Hell of a Motivator.

A Manifesto, as It were….

Posted: June 20, 2011 in Sex Work

I am a sex worker.

I am involved in the sex industry.

I actually do the job.

I am not a prostituted person, and there is a difference.

I am not trafficked, I am not underage, I am not a slave, I was not forced to be here.

I have made a choice to be here.

People like me are not included in Anti-Sex Industry Studies.

People like me, though we actually do the work, are not welcome in Anti-Sex Industry Circles.

No one gets to tell me what choices I do or do not have.

No one gets to  tell me when I have been raped or when I have not.

No one gets to decide when I am being abused and when I am not.

The ultimate authority on and thus the only voice that should matter when it comes to any of those things is me, and my voice.

I do not live under some false conciousness. I know quite well the realities of my life, my choices, and my profession.

It is wrong for others to make assumptions regarding anything about me, from my past to my present.

I am one of the faceless women other people assume they can talk about, read about, learn about, write books and papers about- often without so much as speaking to any of us.

I have my own voice, and I will use it.

I will not sit back and be quiet while others make assumptions about us, money off us, and laws for us without even considering us.

I will not allow others to walk all over us while saying they have our best interests in mind.

I am one of many, cis women, trans women, men, who want more respect and consideration than we have now and more respect and consideration than anyone-save ourselves- seems willing to give us.

I am the true authority on my life, my situation, my work, and all it entails, above and beyond anyone who claims otherwise.

I deserve the same basic human respect and consideration as anyone else.

I am a sex worker.

So yeah, I sacked the old joint cause I got sooo verrry tired of this shit, and I am not gonna make a habit of rehashing all that old shit yet again, but yep, time to reiterate some simple and plain as day fact.

A great many Anti-Porn Radical Feminists (not all, but enough) are so amazingly mind boggling in so many ways it is both infuriating and hilarious.  For instance, let us take a typical way many (not all) APRF’s come at engagement- not the marrying kind, but the debate/discourse kind:

1)  State their opinion as iron clad fact and set themselves up as authorities on the topic when their actual experience is lacking, much of their research is not original and drawn from seriously flawed studies, and broke no challenge to it.

2) Ignore all words, facts, statements from those who are also versed in the subject material but do not agree with their version, disregard testimony and input with those who do have hands on knowledge that does not line up with their world view. * some women are more equal than others

3) Engage in amazing amounts of dealing in double standards:  they are allowed to be rude, patronizing, dismissive, presumptive, and hostile, but then… WHY YES….whine like spoiled little school girls when treated in a manner which is less than stellar by those whom they have treated like garbage.  *some women are more equal than others

4) WHEN asked questions about their methods, research, stances, plans, or any other such thing, they do not EVER answer directly, refuse to answer, OR, if hostility is in the air- UTTERLY IGNORE the topic or questions of interest in order to, why YES, whine like spoiled little school girls about how badly they have been treated by those mean nasty people whom they treated like garbage first. *some women are more equal than others!

5) When PRESSED to actually engage and defend their Precious Precious points and “facts” and stances, they basically stick their fingers in their ears and scream “I don’t have to defend my VISIONARY AWESOMENESS from you!  I am smarter and better than you, and I know the really real truth and you don’t, oh yeah, and you were meaaaaannnn to me!  WAAAAAA!

Smirk, fuckin hell y’all, and these people are gonna bring down the Patriarchy and Change The World?  For real?  If they are this freakin’ pathetic when faced with ONE angry, caustic 5’2″ 100 pound woman, I seriously wonder what the hell they would ever do facing down a whole slew of men, with guns, money and power?  Oh yeah, I know….run screaming like a bunch of spoiled school girls. 

I mean, come on, okay, I know- I am mean, caustic, sarcastic, blah blah blah blah.  Horrible of me, I know…but for real, not once, even when I AM being nice, have I ever gotten a simple straight answer about ANY fucking thing that challenges or pokes holes in their precious theory.  NOT ONCE.  I mean come on, basic shit here, REALLY EASY questions, and if they are so sure they are right? Why the whining, deflection and terror?

-what is the plan for ending the sex biz?

-any idea how the results of the research you love to quote comes about?

this is NOT astrophysics here, really.  Man I love me some anointed by the moon goddess untouchable, unquestionable, apparently sacred and holy rad fem theory which is above all challenge and debate and is unfit for the eyes or consumption or reading of by us unwashed masses who are so in need of saving from everything and everyone- including ourselves.  THAT must be it…the Devine Theory is Above Sullied Mortal Scrutiny….

Either that, or they know caustic mean oh so horrible scary people like me could blast that shit apart faster than Jesse James with an Uzi.

Hummmm….

I guess theory number two….and don’t forget, with this lot, some women are OBVIOUSLY more equal than others, and being treated with respect when treating others like garbage is only for The Special Keepers of the Theory…and if you DARE not heed this law….expect whining, bullshit, distortion and lies.  Pfft, and these women wonder why so many people give ‘em shit?  Hell, ya reap what ya sew and all that.  Come to think of it….they have a lot of shit in common with Cults, really.

Opps, there I go doing that horrible mean venting again.  Shame on me!

 

But sometimes the pressure gauge hits the red line and I gotta say something….

So, Hugo has a post up in which he engages with a Radical Anti-Porn Feminist.  I went ahead and read it, cause frankly, Hugo’s views have come a long way and I for one am very pleased to see the change and progression.  I also read the comments, and spotted a whole lot of the same old dang crappy refrains and whatnot, so I, you know as a sex worker and harm reductionist, dared to open my yap….

And promptly got shotgun blasted with the Oh So Typical Assumptions and Patronizing Bullshit- you know, the kind I’ve only seen a ZILLION times before outta RAPF’s.  Sooo, yeah, I got a little Ranty McRedneck on poor delicate Meghan….

And well, you can see how it goes from there.  You gotta read the comments to get the full effect.

See, not only am I once again being accused of threatening overt and direct violence upon our poor little Meghan Victim Princess, I am also a sexist douchebag for calling her….

Cupcake.

Now, correct me if I am wrong, but ain’t y’all seen me call people who torque me off, male or female, cupcake??  I mean, last time I checked, cupcakes themselves were tasty dessert snacks and had no gender or biological sex, and I am pretty sure I have called an equal number of males and females cupcake in my time.  But yep, there we go, I am an overtly and directly threatening sexist anti-cupcake barbarian.  ANd wooo, so scary.

Thing that I think is funny, is you know, the Meghan’s of the world, they pull this shit not because they are actually afraid of me, in that woo, scary physical violence way.  They are afraid because well, I just might be able to blow some holes in their precious theories and all that good shit that gets them everything from university credit to speaking gigs to funding to book deals.  That’s the actual fear, that their precious precious rightness might be sullied.  And it also NEVER FUCKING CEASES TO AMAZE ME how these pretentious snot ass skinsacks feel, why YES, ENTITLED to treat anyone and everyone who does not echochamber them like UTTER SHIT and be patronizing and all that other fucking crap then they have the goddamn ovaries to suggest those who are TAKING THAT shit are the rude and hostile ones.

I mean really, what the hell do they expect?  Is it not common sense to assume if you treat someone like shit, they just might treat ya like shit right back?

Rolls eyes.  I am so fuckin’ tired of snot ass spoiled ass special princesses who think they should get special goddamn rules and the kid glove treatment when they act like fuckin’ asshole TOOLS.  I mean for real…

I’d kinda like to see this special delicate flower in a room full of actual sex workers, you know?  I’m sure while the Meghan’s of the world are utterly convinced their shit don’t stink, a room full of actual sex workers would prolly be real quick to tell her why yes, it certainly does!

I hate snobs and cowards, and I think she qualifies as both.

The Difference

Posted: April 11, 2011 in Sex Work

Oddly enough, several years back I did a post of the same dang title on the same dang issue…had I not nuked the old joint I could just link the fucker, but alas, the Empire got sacked…I could dig it up and paste it here, but meh, not feelin’ like it…so, you know, I am gonna go with a condensed version with the same sorta feel…less wordy, more basic, but hell, I reckon the points will be made all the same.

So let’s jump into that shit, shall we? 

The Main Difference between a Harm Reduction Stance and an Abolitionist Stance Re: Sexwork  (or my opinion on the matter anyway)

It really is a pretty simple but HUGE thing, really.  Abolitionists seek to end the sex industry, and end the conditions and factors which cause it- everything from poverty to the idea that its okay for men to purchase sex from women.  Harm Reductionists seek to, well, reduce the harm done to those who are currently working in the Sex Industry.  Because of this Abolitionists are dealing with the future, looking towards a future in which there is no sex industry and no situations or factors which would lead to their being one.  Their end game, as it were, is not something that can or will be accomplished in the here and now- it is a goal for the future.  Harm Reductionists?  Well, they are dealing in the here and now, where there is a sex industry and ALL the situations and factors that lend themselves to it’s existance.  There you have it.  Main difference, right there: Future vs. Now.  Pretty basic, yeah? 

And because of that main difference, the Future vs. Now thing, it can be very, very hard for people of the two different camps to be on the same page on pretty much anything.  Group A wants a world where sex is not for sale and is working towards that end, Group B realizes that in the here and now people are selling sex and thusly want to make it as safe for those whom are doing so as possible.  Because amid these two groups the desired result of action is seriously different- destruction of vs. safety in- well shit, no wonder these two camps seem to be at one another’s throats all the time, yeah?

And I can tell ya flat out why I am firmly planted in Group B, the harm reduction camp.  For one, to me it is far more practical and logical.  I’m not gonna take a piss all over what Group A wants, but I do tend to think it is a serious pipe-dream, and if not that, an end goal which is so far in the future, and one that is not even necessarily wanted by a whole lot of folk, women included, that well….fuck it, I will be blunt…I think its a waste of time.  Especially when there are sex workers in the here and now and eliminating anything and everything that would lead people to be on either side of the sex biz, things like capitalism, the current social order, poverty, drug addiction, folk wanting to live off the grid, so on, so forth- could take eons…well, it makes no logical sense to me, and I figure my efforts are better spent dealing with the here and now and not on some future possibility that may or may not ever happen….after all, there are a lot of folk in the sex biz in the here and now who could sure as shit stand with their lives being safer, more respected, and a shit ton less complicated.  I mean, I ain’t gonna spin out my brain trying to imagine a world with no sex industry when sex workers are doing their thing right now…at this second…and well, shit, maybe the help or effort I can put forth in the here and now will be of some use to them. 

Hell, I bet you were expecting this to be some seriously long and drawn out shit, yeah?  Shrug.  No need for that, because when you cut right down to it, the shit is pretty basic. 

If you wanna see more about Harm Reduction & Other Stuff and my Writings On It, well…

Here…check it…

Overview 

Harm Reduction

Decrim

Problems with Creating a Monolith

Terminology (aka, Ren is Grumpy Bitch)

Heh, and fuck it, a Rant!

To address something.  I was out poking around in blog land and saw one of those things that a few years ago might have sent me flying into one of my notorious Ranty McBallistic tirades, but hey, I’m too busy putting mattresses in front of the windows and setting up trip wire shotguns for that shit  (joke, people, it was a joke)…but anyway, I thought about replying all civil like over there, but then saw who else was replying over there and said fuck that noise…so, I’m gonna address it here, and hell, maybe it will get seen, maybe not, but what the hell else am I gonna do at 1:40 in the morning without tools or cleaning supplies, right?

So, lemmie offer some insight on this:

The reason these conversations get so hard is not even the difference in opinion half the time.  Sure enough, there is a vast mess of differences of opinions between those who are harm reductionist and those who go for an absolute end o’ the sex industry.  And sure enough, this is just one person who has some involvement and ties both in the industry and in the harm reduction camps opinion, but what the heck, gonna say ‘em anyway.  It is my belief that sex workers dislike being endlessly speculated upon, dehumanized, objectified, and treated as less than.  Now, sure enough, those with the hardline anti stance are gonna say that “well, that’s all that stuff that happens to women IN the sex industry, at the hands of men, that’s how they get treated!”  And sure enough, in enough cases to take note, that is true….but it also happens outside of it…flat out, my friends, EVERYONE, even those with the best intentions and true goodness in heart and mind and shit, do this to sex workers and prostituted women (there is a difference IMHO).  Any person in the sex industry- willingly, unwillingly, whatever, will at least once, but more often every five seconds, be lumped into one stereotypical group, or have some serious as shit assumptions made about them, and be made into some sort of object above and beyond a sex object.  They’ll be made a victim object, or a wanton, fallen woman object, or an eeevvvvillll sadistic misogynist object, or some other shit that utterly fails to recognize them as a whole person who is more than the sum of their job (sex workers), or seriously unfortunate and fucked up predicament (prostituted person).   Hell, I know this one from experience….even in my time on the net here, I have had a whooooolllllleee lot of flat out false shit assumed and spread around about me:  I was sexually molested (untrue), I’d been raped (untrue),  I was being paid off by the porn industry to write my (previous) blog (untrue), I was some silver spoon pampered chick who was slumming it being a sex worker (untrue), my man was a suitcase pimp (untrue), I was uneducated (untrue), I’d been beaten had my face rearranged by men I stripped for (untrue),  I was a hopeless cocaine addict & alcoholic  (untrue), I never did any real world activism on behalf of sex workers (untrue), I instigated a massive coordinated attack against radical bloggers (untrue), I was actually a man (untrue), that I had no other choices but to be in said industry (not true)…hell, I could go on all day.  And sure enough, as a veteran of lots of blog wars, I can say this with certainty…I was without a doubt a stone cold brass blazoned hardass nasty piece of work when the blog wars were a flamin’.  Mean, angry, sarcastic, cut throat take no prisoners old school beat down style vicious.  Why?  Well, one, you never take a knife to a gun fight, two, I got as good as I gave, and three….there was a whole lot of utter fail when it came to recognizing the remote possibility that some women could actually choose to do that and did not get forced into it, and a whole lot of utter fail when it came to seeing sex workers (and just that term identified people) and their advocates as Actual Human Beings.  I mean hell, I may dig cyborgs, but I’m not one….nor is any other person on my side of the fence, but often we ended up just as badly objectified or dehumanized or whatever else by the anti side as we ever ended up in a work related situation.  And that shit gets real old, real quick.     A lot of us, hell, we were made to feel unsafe, up and to actually being threatened.  SO that is what makes it so hard, and why often, you do not find people willing to engage, even if in some places, heck, we might even BE on the same page.  If people feel like they have been kicked in the face just one too many times, well, they stop doing what it is that was gettin’ em kicked. 

And on that note, night y’all. I’ll catch ya after you’ve gotten some sleep and I’ve finished with these dang shotguns….

Okay, so preface here:

Whilst chillin’ here in Red Neck Vacation Land, I am still poking around on blogs obviously  (it does rain here in RNVL), and I noted today that BerryBlade commented over here.  She doesn’t read here much, and I can understand why- I check out her blog occasionally (best blog logo image ever) and well, she and I sorta dig the same kind of movies, so I jump over there sometimes to see if she has reviewed something I’ve not seen so I can add it to my Net Flix list…and I think (can’t swear to it) but think she likes video games and once, over at the old joint, commented on some COH screen shot I’d taken or something….er- lemmie check…yep

Anyway, she has a post up about stripping/porn, and I read it.  And I am gonna discuss it now.  And this is one of those times when I do not particularly care who I piss off or who gets angsty with me, friend or foe.  I was pondering commenting over there, but one- not sure how that would go over, and two, my response is likely to be long.

And I will start with this- not a feminist.  So I am not looking at this all feminist-wise.  I think it is pretty common knowledge that 1) if a woman chooses to do sex work, she does, and I don’t give a fuck what anyone says about it.  2) not all women in sex work have chosen to do it, or would choose something else if they had other options, and that shit blows. 3) -nihilist.  4) when it comes to making money and all that shit- well, I’m a total mercenary and I tend to think that ALL carbon based life forms in some way or another are commodities.  Yeah, I am real uplifting and shit…

Anyway….

She has this post up.  Read it.  After reading it, I thought of something I’d written some time back.  Yeah, it was written for totally different reasons- with totally different intent, from a totally different point of view…but I thought of it nonetheless.  And yep, it was one of those things that some folk took as “oh, Ren is saying (any woman who was hot enough would strip, people would feel better if they just were skinny, blah blah blah)” in short, a bunch of shit Ren was NOT saying, but anyway…I wrote it.  And re-read it after reading BerryBlade’s post.  And I thought…hummm….

Because Berry brings up some things that people, on the Pro-Side, Forget.  Things like, why yes, there are clubs and contractors who do not care about hiring underaged girls or women who have been trafficked (Eastern European women are quite popular these days).  Just as she mentions for Australia, well same here in the US- a lot of clubs dancers work solely for tips, have to pay stage fees, have to hustle drinks, and why yes, even have to turn a cut of their tips over to other club staff like waiters, bartenders, so on. Why yes, wearing heels for long periods of  time is painful, and can be bad for you.  Age and scars?  Yep, those things will fuck with your shelf life in the sex industry- sure, I am 38 and have the Coolest Scar in the World and still work (and I will qualify that- I do porn and porn alone these days- I got real tired of the other shit), but I am an exception and have, now, a distinctive look that works for me but puts me in a niche market.  It’s a niche I like, but niche nonetheless.   And she does mention something that I have harped on endlessly- being in the sex industry- especially if you are a woman- can absolutely limit your career opportunities.  It is not something one can generally put on their resume depending on the type of job they are going for.  If you want to be a bartender, or mechanic, or electrician, or many things that count as “trades”, you’re probably just fine.  Retail, you’re fine.  If you want to go all white collar, or apply for something that has a background check or security clearance, or be a teacher, or things of that nature?  Guess what- a career in the sex industry- even just stripping- can fuck that shit straight to hell. 

These are things people forget, or gloss over sometimes, and yep, that torques even me off sometimes.  I mean, I know I personally have never worked with someone who was underaged, or trafficked, or things of that nature- because I bother to look into that shit.  Other people wouldn’t.  I’ve known and worked with some people who loved it, and some people who did not like it at all and only did it because they pretty much had  to.  I’ve seen and met folk from all spectrums and whatnot of the sex industry- and they are all different- but pretty much all of them would say while it ain’t all blood loss and trauma, it ain’t all roses and mad cash either.  There is a ton of bullshit, from all sides, pretty much all the time.

So yeah, Berry and I do not see things eye to eye.  We look at this sort of thing from a very different perspective, but be that as it may- a lot of the things she’s said there- feminist lense/nihilst mercenary/gal/dude/ typical citizen jane or whatever…well, it is….true.

Amusing Realization…

Posted: March 24, 2010 in Personal, Sex Work

A lot of the debates I get in involving sex work?  I think people would argue with my point of view a whole lot less if they knew I was a nihilist….