Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

T-DAY Apocalypse!

Posted: November 22, 2012 in Humans, Personal, Uncategorized

I do it every year, even if I think its a stupid holiday.  I do it because regardless, I get my friends and fam over here, we eat, drink, are merry….last year I had lost a bet and was supposed to wear a skirt, so being me, I cooked and served in combat boots, an army spec. ops sweater, and…a kilt.  My hair looked amazing thou, very Law and Order.    For me, it is about good friends, family, food, football, and well, enjoyment.  All other shit aside.  I cook, the men clean  :).

But I DO like to think about what I am thankful for, and ya know, I have some things.  Infernal Spine aside, I am healthy.  For the most part, more than many.  I HAVE good friends, and an AMAZING family.  I am thankful for my artistic abilities, and the roof over my head, and my mean streak.  I am thankful I love music and love to be thankful that my parents introduced me to everything from MoTown to Country Western.  I am thankful Chicago Exists, same goes for West VA.

I EVEN took the chainsaw outta my kitchen this year….


Posted: November 18, 2012 in Personal

I am 41!  I say it loud, and proud, and all that shit that goes with the first two.  The top song on the charts the month and year I was born was….

heheh, I bet HE was a Scorpio TOO!

I am honestly, in some ways, looking forward to a really good year.  There will be shit, but, shut your mouth!


Kim, glad to see you back, I’ve missed you!


Happy B-Day to me, I SHOULD wish for world peace….but for some reason, a 1968 GTO sounds better to me!




Posted: November 14, 2012 in Personal

We begin, now with a song…which I know most of you hate, unless it is cool and Rootie likes it, or it is old school, a Daisy loves it….

Well, there is this little industrial metal band, old skool, that I love, and this song, really, says much for me.  In fact….see title of post, song sorta says it all!

I got badly burned, badly, in 2008, which many of you know, those who don’t, woo, in color, then I screwed up my back, which, still has issues, last resort is surgery, and I say bring it on, better than this.  I MISS being able to MOVE.  But, my response, at everyone and anything, has always been, as the song says “To laugh in the face of condemnation”.  I am still laughing.

I have taken the hits for all I have ever done, still am.  Real jobs, hah, like I have a resume for that, physically, hello, fire.  But the one thing my amazingly nihilist self has?  Hope.  Not in any sort of afterworld sense (pfft, useless, there is no afterworld), but in the NOW.

Did some drawings lately, they ain’t bad, nature and muscle cars.  Realize come sat I am 41, and staring down more surgery of the non happy kind, and you know, I am GOOD with that.  Such Is Life, SO Be it.

Heh, can an angry nihilist be Zen?

And that is a taste of things to come.

And oh yes, I WAS their  scarecrow for a long time, no more, now, I am for me.

My strange journey….

Posted: October 18, 2012 in Blogging, Personal

So I am back now I guess, yeah?

I have learned some things about life, and myself, and people.  Some good, some bad, some in between.

Life?  Its never what you expect….its not a game, or a journey, or anything but  a mission.  We all have a mission.  Its great if we can figure it out before we die.

Me?  I am one angry woman.   Scary full of fury.  But as much as I am a a furious bitch with a hellfire temper, well, hate…not the impersonal kind, but the personal kind, which used to be so easy for me, is getting harder.  I made a hobby out of driving, burning, murderous hate, heck, it kept me alive.  I will say honestly, I thought of myself for a long time as a monster, I would be the everything horrible everyone thought me to be, and I did prove myself to be very adept at that, I was GOOD at it, and I will even admit, I liked it…but I am not sure I am really That Thing Anymore.  I still have a Bite and Smirk, but….that’s is all a part of me for sure, but it is not ALL of me.

People and I…that is the hard one.  My brain works a bit different, and I am always fascinated, not always nicely so, about how others work.  I have done very very nasty things not only trying to see how they work, but trying to see how I am different or could make me be the same….there IS a reason I like Sylar so much.  But I am finally starting to realize….okay, so I am off, its not anyone’s fault, persay, I just am.  I may never get it, ever.   But I don’t need to get others, and really, others don’t need to get me…we’re all still here , right?  I WANT to know, but it doesn’t matter if I ever really do, right?

I reckon that is a start.

Welcome to my latest evolution.

I am No Longer a Sex Worker, and have no desire to ever go back to it, but believe it is a far more complex issue than anyone will ever know unless they’ve done it.

Still a gamer, though they are killing City Of

Still like my guns.

Still love gumbo, and Sylar, and the Comedian, and Dean Winchester, and Tucker & Dale….

and I leave you with this….


i so did always love this song, imagine that?

i post a lot with music…but here is a band I admit to liking, so sue me…had some life shit as of this week that made me realize TODAY, is the FIRST DAY, of the rest of my life, and I kinda like the weather….

Enjoy, even if you don’t really like the band/music, grok the message! (yes I know there is a 1985 version by sly fox, which I also like, but…this one is..angrier)

Posted: February 14, 2012 in Humans, Personal

And if the fires burn out there’s only fire to blame!



Ramble on…

Posted: January 13, 2012 in Personal

In case I’ve not mentioned, I have…bronchitis, and a sinus infection, and well, insomia by nature, plus the cough, which makes me legally insane plus annoyed and with lots of time to think…hence the title, LZ ode to, of this post….

Oft times I am very serious, oft times not

What do I want right now? The Broncos to win an SB so I can get my brother whom I love more than….gah….a 1968 gto…a tattoo…he has none, I have 13, for THAT we go together and bond.   Not to be sick.  To get in a GOOD fight.  More ink, 4 horsemen, on my ribs, fitting, no?  Shooting with Rootie, then cooking with Rootie.  Drinking with Gin.  Clubs with Apasia.  Spooking Joans rents.  Writing with Cervantes.,,oh god, playing tennis with Vlad!!!  Oh My, INK WITH KIM  ( I so miss her)


Till I get back, and I do mean in all ways,i will take LZ’s acvice and ramble on


I’ll sing my song!


(karma, i swear, i was like unkillabe for..36 years?)


Posted: December 19, 2011 in Personal, The Hardline According to Ren

Why don’t you ever dress up?

Posted: December 16, 2011 in Humans, Personal

Or, more specifically, why doncha ever dress…girlie?

Okay, sure enough, I don’t as a general rule.  I don’t were skirts often, dresses hardly ever, make up too much, so on, so forth.  I like being comfortable; and IMHO comfortable generally means cargo pants/bdu’s, tank tops, sweat shirt over said tank top in winter, boots, comfortable thick socks, and the kinda underwear you find in sporting goods.  That’s comfortable.  Girlie stuff?  Not so much.  And I do get razzed about it…from people actually making my end of a loosing bet to dressing “like a girl” to folk saying on special occassions it would mean a lot to them if I busted out with the girl-ness to even actually daring me to do it…

…and this is not even to say I do not have some nice- yet not overtly girlie clothes, because I do.  I have what one might call ‘business casual’ attire- slacks, button down shirts, flat shoes- and I have been known, when it is necessary, to wear them.  But still, I get the girlie requests.  Well see, last eve, I had reason to dress nice, and girlie even.  I got a last minute free ticket to go see a concert at the Kennedy Center…which to me screams “dress up, it’s the freakin’ Kennedy Center!”  So I did.  I put on the one winter sorta dress I have, hose, heels, did my hair, put on makeup, girlie underwear, the whole deal…and I prolly even looked nice.

And I was as uncomfortable as hell the whole time.  Clue here:  Pantyhose are NOT comfortable.  To me, full make up is NOT comfortable- it feels itchy and heavy on my face- and I even use pretty expensive makeup.  Mascara flips my shit out, as does lipstick (I feel like I have jelly on my lips).  My hair is LONG, for me to do anything  with it?  It takes an hour.  Heels hurt my feet and at this point, not so good for my back.  Underwire bra’s suck.  Lacey other underthings itch.  Dresses?  Even winter ones?  A little drafty in winter.  AND I was way more dressed up than anyone else there, cept maybe the musicians…

And I was uncomfortable, so much so, it kinda detracted from enjoying the concert…and when I got home, I flew into the house, scrubbed my face…twice…brushed out my hair and pulled it up, peeled off all that girlie wow why dont you ever wear shit faster than light and immediately jumped into my usual comfortable clothes and was…happy.

That’s why I don’t dress up or get girlie.  It SUCKS.  Its uncomfortable, and its Not Me.  It may look nice, but it feels bad….and also, you know, as an ex-stripper, I have HAD my fill of HAVING to wear make up, high heels, and sexy underwear in my life, thanks.  It was manditory working attire for me for long enough, and I am offically Off Duty.

Are there gonna be times when I HAVE to do it? Probably.  Other than those?  I am not of the mind to ever do it again…so people need to stop askin’!

Post Halloween goodness

Posted: November 1, 2011 in Personal, Sharon

Mah pumpkin…







And my cat, who makes a good Halloween decoration herself, actually…