Archive for the ‘Men’ Category

Part One:  “All women are bitches, why don’t they like me?”

So, since I am doing that whole lets take my mind off shit cause I am a goddamn burn out at the moment, I went out and read some blogs this evening.  As y’all know, I read Hugo’s blog, but damn if some of the comments at his place do not crack my shit up and make me laugh at (rather than weep for) humanity.  Without fail, at least once a week, the whole PUA (pick up artist) culture will be mentioned and all that stuff- the whole Nice Guys or Lonely Guys or whatever blah kinda guys who just seem to have no luck with the ladies, and thusly, some read books or pay gurus or whatever to hopefully increase their odds with women.  Now, I have actually read the holy bible of  PUA-dome, “The Game”  and learned a fair amount about some of this shit.  And actually, some of the advice in it is not bad.  There is discussion on how a dude can improve his self-confidence, take better care of himself, so on so forth, hell, yer basic self-help shit that might actually be useful.  Then there is the other stuff.  And well, the dudes who buy into some of it.  And frankly y’all, it makes my head spin.  You read some of this stuff and its like gee, no wonder you are lonely, and ya sure as hell ain’t nice, and when ya got that attitude about women-all of ’em- its no fuckin’ wonder you’re dating yer hand.   True enough, there may be sometimes where being a nice guy isn’t gonna get ya far.  Like when yer really a bitter whining douchebag claiming to be a nice guy, or only nice to hot chicks who may in fact actually BE outta your league, or when you figure being nice is some sorta strategy game to land yourself a woman.   I mean, a pretty basic theory would stand to be- if ya fuckin’ hate women even though ya think they are good lookin’ and would like to fuck them?  Ya ain’t nice, and most people, even us evil bitches who are so mean to all those lonely nice guys, well, if its thinly veiled to fuckin’ obvious that you think we are shit?  Chances are, we’re not gonna figure you are worth a damn second glance, let alone a relationship.  Not sure how that is some great mystery to some of these fellas really.  And sure enough, I may be a far cry from the typical modern gal in the current dating scene, but Jesus H. Christ and all his associates, I don’t reckon being a whiny, needy, bitter, petulant woman-hating jackwagon is something too many gals are gonna find an attractive quality.  Hell, I may be a slightly insane burn out, but I ain’t an idiot- nor are most women really- and douchebag is not a big selling point in the pursuit of romance! 

As for all the “Well, chicks only dig the alpha bad boy blah blah blah types”  you know what?  There may actually be truth to this.  Hell, it’s a subject I have beaten worse- the whole white knight bad boy so on so forth shit- than a dead horse.  And true enough, I have seen a lot of women a lot of dudes would prolly like to date go for some dudes who are Bad News, but you know what these fellas have going for ’em that Our Poor Beset Upon Lonely “nice” Guys don’t?  They tend to be confident, and often straight-forward, and they Do Not Fucking Whine.  THERE IT IS, RIGHT THERE.  THAT is the ATTRACTION.  They are not whiners!  Not being a goddamn whiner is a stunningly, amazingly, intoxicatingly attractive quality in a man!  And it is totally NOT the exclusive domain of “bad boys” either!  Plenty of men of all kinds have women in their lives and good love lives and girl friends and wives and sex and all that stuff because they are the anthesis of these so-called Lonely Nice Guys…and NOT whiners!  There ya go, great mystery of the world solved!  *

Part Two: Are you a Preacher or an Engager?

This one also comes from being out in blogland.  It seems there are two types of bloggers out there: Preachers and Engagers.  I have sorta come to the conclusion while I might read blogs written by Preachers, I don’t like their style.  Sure, they might post good shit, but that’s kinda what they do for the most part:  Post something- like it’s proof evident from upon high, then walk away and do not engage, discuss, defend, debate, or even just joke around when discussion occurs on their blog.  It’s like they have passed down the holy word to the masses and well, time to move on, cause their shit is irrefutable solid and not up for discussion.  This tends to make Ren a Grumpy Burn Out.  The other kinda blogger is an engager; someone who will post shit, then actually engage / discuss/ debate/ talk with the folk who comment on it.  They may not change their minds, but they are open to discussion, dissent, and conversation.  This kinda blogger I far prefer, and hell, it is supposed to be a social media kinda thing, yeah?  I mean sure, one can do shit their own way and by their own rules on their own blog- but I far prefer discussions over preaching, and try to be a more engager type of blogger myself.  Preaching after all, is for church.

* The exception to this is the chicks who TOTALLY go for the whiny tortured oh the world is so cruel heroin addict goth type artsy dudes-but them boys generally ain’t considered alpha or manly or any of that other PUA shit by anyone, even the girls who go for ’em….they are like the male versions of Damsels in Distress!

What?  So sue me…

 So, today, I wrote a post over in my LJ in which I wondered about an eerie fascination some women folk have with a character I play who is a seriously nasty piece of work and is not the type of person- fictional or real- that women should find….er…sexy.  Ever. Yet, for some reason I do not quite grasp, they do.

 And but whom should I end up talking about this phenomena (aside from Rootie)  with but, well, Hugo.  I asked him what his take on the Women Liking Bad Boys and Feeling They Could Fix Them theory was, as well as the White Knight who Feels He Can Save the Weak/Needy or Fallen Woman.  Hugo has written on these things before and pointed me towards some of his posts, which are good, and interesting, and I am linking them.

 Go read them.  THEN come back here….

One   

Two

You DID read them, yes?  There may be a quiz later you know…

 So then, well before too, the old noodle got to churning and an amazing realization dawned in my pasta like grey matter:

 One, yep, this whole routine is sexist, because well, it assumes women by nature fall into caretaker, “I have so much love to give”, nurturer roles or damsel in distress roles, and men fall into “bad boy” roles or I need to rescue and protect roles….

 Think about it: How often do you see these timeless tales….in reverse?  Men thinking they can tame the bad girl and fix her with their endless awesome amounts of love and nurturing, and women donning their armor, convinced they can slay the dragons and save the man is distress?

 Not too often, eh?  It is not, oh, a huge reoccurring theme in movies, books, sonnets, songs or…life.  The scale is tipped heavily by what people assume is, by nature and nurture, the essence of women and men.

 Which prolly explains really well why I do not…get it.  ‘Cause in the epic saga of my life, well, the mean, leather-wearing, hard drinking occasionally drug using foul-mouthed ill tempered fist fighting snarly surly anti-social type has always been…me.  That shit scares White Knights I guess, and does not necessarily lend itself well at all to the ‘delicate lady in distress’ trope, and well, were my door to swing that way, any woman who came along with the theory that her love and devotion could break me of my wild ways….well, now she’d get a stern and quite possibly snarky lecture….a few years back, she prolly woulda gotten a pop in the mouth for her efforts (and, if like many women who do fall into this save the bad boy –or girl in this case- a pop in the mouth did not dissuade her…well, a restraining order.) 

 It could be, what with my amazing empathy and all, that I do not get it in any way, shape or form that someone A) might think the “bad” sorts even WANT saving, B) That love will conquer jack shit, much less that shit, C) Or why someone would set themselves up for undoubtedly a serious amount of pain, trauma, insanity and quite possibly physical harm even trying.  Hell, I know how I react when people attempt to pull that kinda shit…so why would a guy be any different, and why would such a woman be so convinced that HER Mojo would some how be…that good?  And heck…what does it say about those women themselves when fucked up, half cocked and hostile are seen as “attractive” traits.  Sure enough, dangerous can get the adrenaline pumping, but it really should not inspire love and a willingness to possibly receive grievous bodily harm…

 The simple fact is, I think, the world would do its future generations a lot of good if they would quit letting kids watch Disney movies, ect.,  without discussions of fantasy vs. reality and start teaching young women and men that a partner is a partner, and not a project. 

 Loving someone is not saving them, taming them, fixing them, or rescuing them.  That shit is for shelter animals, not humans…and until people figure that out, there is a good chance decent people will continue to get their hearts (and possibly faces) broken by “bads” and their armor (and feelings) tarnished by “in distressers”.

 So now I am gonna kick back amid these words of advice, put my boots ON the table, and offer these words of wisdom:  Ya can’t save what doesn’t want or need saving, and if you insist on saving someone….save yourself.

 And well, for the hell of it, That Charming Game Dude and His Equally Charming Sister.  (Pfft, you think I prefer reading over looking at the pictures?  Come on…)

Some things are just not fixable, or dateable...