Archive for the ‘Kink/BDSM’ Category

So yeah, seems these days my brain doesn’t work unless someone else kicks it.  Today Hugo has a post up about BDSM- and as usual- the stereotypical assumption of male as sadist female as masochist seems to be whats what.  So after reading and commenting, I got to thinking about a post I had been pondering, but is a dicey one, even discussed the pros and cons with Joan, and well, fuck it.

In my personal life, I am a switch, when I did such things professionally, I only did them on the dominant level.   Personally, in all things sex related except BDSM, I prefer men, professionally- eh, I did not much care- which is to say I am straight in all forms of anything sexual except…BDSM.  And I am only not-straight in that aspect when I am the dominant/sadistic one.    And you know what?  I ain’t alone in that. Regardless of what anyone wants to tell you, women who prefer that side of the coin are not unicorns, are not all professionals, and very much do exisit.    They also deserve to be recognized.  I mean I swear to god- all the speculation aimed at sadists is always all about the men, and wondering if they can really be good guys or are two steps from serial killers, if they really just *like* hurting women, blah blah blah blah always and forever even on feminist spaces all about the fucking men.  It amuses and annoys the fuck outta me at the same time. 

And I smirk at this shit.  Hell, privately and professionally I have done some crazy shit, from using a dudes leg as an ashtray to, well, specifically being chosen to be the overly violent aggressor in someone elses rape fantasy.  That was actually my professional speciality.  And not all those people who have asked/paid me to- well- fantasy rape them- have been women. Have many?  Yes.  Have I had dudes, some for fun and some for money, who have in essence wanted me to make them my prison bitch for a few hours?  Yep.  And I will also say flat out I enjoy that shit- and NOT just cause its what they like or want to.  Nor do I personally care for the dress up in cool outfits light spanky tie up games either…if I am gonna hit someone…I’m gonna hit ’em. 

Does that make me a horrible vile person who folk should run screaming from or at least wonder about my motives?  Nahh…cause I totally don’t exist or have violent urges and fantasies and act ’em out with consenting people cause I don’t have  a dick!  (Well, not real one anyway…I got some fake ones that have drawn blood…but not the real thing- so, no matter!)

Pfft.  Humans.

In Defense of *Sadists

Posted: October 27, 2010 in Kink/BDSM

  (yeah, those are mine)

Sooo, been out checking out what’s going on in Bloganistan since my…ok, since I dropped off the face of the earth and went native or whatever.  Anyhoo, I was over at Snowdrops and saw his post about Male Sadists, and have read a whole lotta stuff on BDSM here in various places lately, by those into BDSM, and I decided, what the hell?

How is it that I, freaking henchwoman sell out pornfied me, manages to really not be as “genderfied” as so many folk?  Okay, sure, fake boobies and long hair.  Okay, sure, gets annoyed sometimes when my Dude Friends are like “you are such a Dude”,  okay, sure, gets annoyed when so much about “aggressive or butch” seems to be confined to lesbians…so on, so forth, who gives a shit really?  I am who I am- I have the wiring and the biology I have, thus is life, amen.  But you know…

A person with a sadistic bent is  person with a sadistic bent.   “Creepy People” in (or out) of BDSM come in ALL KINDS of flavors.  And maybe, just maybe, this rant will “mean less” to folk because, oh shit, I’m a woman….and if it does, well then fuck you if you say you do not buy into gender.

When I am of the mood, I am a sadist…and not the nicey nice type the BDSM community often tries to promote.  The loving top who helps explore, heal, care for?  The person who looks for deeper meaning and connection?  The person into the psyche and spirit of it all?  Not it. It’s not an “oh damn I am hardcore” thing either, its a “you know, I get off on hurting you thing, and if you are into that, awesome, game on, cause I am gonna hurt you” kind of thing.   Oh, and after I am done getting off and all that…yeah, not so much with the loving I respect you and think you are wonderful shit.  Hell, my b-day is coming up, I could go for a sub pain slut who wants to go slum and then…go away…of ANY gender!!  All those horrible things people think about: non-con fantasies, serious pain, mayhem, absolute control, unmigitagated viciousness….guess what?  I think about all that.  I have fantasies about that- as the aggressor.  (Hell, I write Rictor AND the General). And you know what I find creepy?  The people (two in mind specifically, one woman, one man) who have LET me, hell, ASKED me, to be HORRIBLE and vile to them and…LIKED it.  To me?  THAT is creepy.  To me anyway, cause I am an asshole.  And a woman.

But you know, aside from the occassional fight, where shit, at my size, I am likely to get stomped…and well, my charming attitude?  I’ve never gone or done anything of that nature when not invited to do so.  Period.  Thought about it?  Hell yes.  Maybe manipulated at it a wee bit?  Okay, probably.  But I have never not respected someones no or gone in when lack of consent was even a possibility.  EVER.

My head might go there, but *I* don’t.  AND THAT, I think is typical of BDSM inclined Sadists, male or female, and *THAT* is what makes us different from “THOSE PEOPLE”  of either gender (and they do exist.)  Hell, most of the full on BDSM people are a shit ton more considerate than I am.

Are there bad apples?  Hell yes, but tell me where you do not find those?

?????

(funny side note, in my bloggy history, I have met 3 women who ID as top/sadists, 2 men who do the same, and the exact same number, gender wise, who ID as bottoms/masochists or switches.)

Aiding and Abetting

Posted: October 20, 2010 in Kink/BDSM

So, I was guarding the homested last eve when this, well, dude I know showed up and, well…there were some law issues, and, well…

Dude I so had some of you going there for a second, didn’t I?  Hahahha.  Okay, no, seriously, I have not lent any (knowing) assistance to any (known) felons or fugatives lately.  That I know of.

Really.

I promise.

Seriously.

HOWEVER…since I have come back with some of my guts from that horrible desert in Nevada, I have been out and about in blog land, even writing here a bit (Gee Ren, what are you trying to do, start a class war?), and today I found myself over at “Chicks Dig Me.”  Now, do hear this- I like Joan, and I like reading her blog, and anyone who finds that shocking or has issue with me for it is kindly invited to kiss this (woo, pink and sparkly)!  And she has an entry up regarding kink, feminism, and well, musings from her own head…which hey, head musings are way more interesting to me than academic theories and all that crap any day.

So yeah, JK got the noodle squirming a bit.  When it comes to the sex/porn/bdsm debates, I think everyone knows where I stand, with a flag planted, and possibly armed.  Yet even considering that, I do not think it is a bad thing for folk who are into whatever (and I mean whatever, from kink to…those stupid Twilight Movies) to think about why or how they ended up there and what it might mean or say about them.  No, I am well beyond caring about looking at much of anything through a feminist lense or any of that shit…but examination FOR oneself and consideration of the implications BY oneself?  I don’t think that’s a bad thing….

Nor do I think whatever one comes up with will always makes sense, has to make sense, or thusly demands a change.

So yeah, kink.  Was thinking about that.  And a question I’ve heard a lot is, well, as a kinky gal, who while not all that BDSM-y in a traditional sense, is pretty out there, how does what I do, either dishing it out or taking it, affect others…  and 99% of the time, my answer is “I fail to give a fuck”  (yes, I am that charming)…but the thing is, the real answer is… “I don’t know”.  Do my ,er, sadistic tendancies give me traits in common with predators?  Hell yes.  They do.  The difference is- oh, I am not out there actually raping people.  Do my, er, submissive tendancies portray women as submissive things who like to be used and dominated?  LOL  um, if you only heard the demands and profanity that came forth from me or saw the look on my face when “taking it”…well…that would no longer be a concern.  “Can” all sorts of things be, or be implicated, or be blamed, for the bad behavior of others?  Of course they “can”…

But I do not know, nor have I ever, thought that Kinky People, unless they’ve actually DONE it, can be accused of Aiding and Abetting predators or creating the victims of those predators.  The guilt there forever and always falls on those who have truly done the wrong.

Uh huh…

Posted: November 12, 2009 in Kink/BDSM

BDSM. For those who make analogies between BDSM and sports, the analogy does not work since in sports violence is merely incidental, and is in fact something to be avoided as much as possible. The pleasure is not in the violence itself, but in the victory, whereas in BDSM the pleasure is in the violence itself. Furthermore, and most importantly, the motive behind sports is a self-elevating and strong motive, one of being better than, and not a debased motive such as to lose one’s existential responsibility in order to be cradled by the person who just benevolently raped you… from here

And see, i do that all the time- compare sports and sex (esp. bdsm/rough sex).  To this comment all I have to say is the following:

This author has obviously never viewed boxing or mixed martial arts, and probably never played sports- at least not full contact ones like, oh, rugby, or boxing, or mixed martial arts…the point, you see, is winning…and if you have to knock your opponant senseless- via violent means- to do that…you do…in fact… that is the goal.   In such sports, there is no victory, no win, without violence. 

Thank you- once again- I win.