So, I went and I read this.
Then I was talking about the whole “slut” thing with Ginmar, and I got to thinking. Often dangerous, you know. And look, it seems I lied. I said there would not be much feminist-esque stuff on this blog, but I guess maybe I was wrong, because yep, this is the sort of thing many feminists do talk about.
And nah, I am not going to talk about that particular case. I am not going to talk about if she was or was not really raped. What I am going to talk about is how slut shaming hurts everyone and how the double standards regarding slut like behavior between women and men are complete and utter bullshit.
That’s right, you heard me, bullshit. And the first dude that comes over here and whines about sexual shaming towards men or “well we have different pressures, what about us?” is going to get virtually slapped, because this post is not about that, savvy? This post is specifically about the word “slut” and all that goes with it.
Now, shocker here I am sure, but by any sane definition of the word, I am a slut. I rather like being a slut, thanks. And I have before said within regards to dress, I do believe in truth in advertising. I mean, if I am dressed like my cartoon gal there, and I go out somewhere, I do expect that why yes, men might assume I am interested in sex. They might approach me about it. However, I have also said repeatedly, no matter what any woman is wearing or how she acts with other men, no man, or group of men, has the right to assume she is interested in sex with them. Chances are, if she is interested in sex with you, she will let you know. You do not have the right, no matter what she is wearing to assume that she wants to, will, or should have sex with you. Jesus Christ I hope that is clear. But be that as it may, what, with my like of being a slut and whole truth in advertising theory, I absolutely realize there is a down side.
Follow me here… I know a lot of women think that they can or have reclaimed the word slut (or countless others like it). I am skeptical on that one. Sure, I use the word slut (and others like it) all the time, namely when referring to myself…but you know, I don’t buy the reclaimation theory. I just happen to think- good and bad connotations- that there is nothing wrong with being a slut…and if people want to see me/judge me in a negative way merely by the fact that yep, I am a slut…well, frankly, I got no use for them. They can suck my proverbial strap on in hell and all. However, regardless of my personal take or feelings on the word, the stone cold and sad fact is being labelled a slut is not helpful the majority of the time in the eyes of the world at large. It is, currently in our society, a bad thing, and so long as it remains as such, shit ain’t been reclaimed at all, people.
Unless you have a penis. At which point, being a slut isn’t so bad. In fact, in great segments of society (i.e. the dominant culture), it is fine and dandy, even good. Guys who have lots of sex are playas, playboys, ladies men, “lucky”, or other various euphemisms. At worst, they are “dogs”…but dog isn’ t the same as bitch, and shoot, even being a dog is envied by many. I mean, for real…
If I get raped or sexually assaulted, well, because I am a slut you sure as shit know my sexual history is going to be on the table for discussion…if not in a trial itself, everywhere else. However, I wonder if my attackers would be? Do you think he would get asked how many women he had slept with? If he had one night stands? If he picked up women on a regular basis merely to have sex with? If he dressed in a manner that showed off his body? I doubt it. And even if he did, do you think public opinion about him being a slut would be nearly as negative as it would about me being a slut? Oh, I don’t think so.
And this whole double standard thing regarding men being sluts vs women being sluts? It doesn’t help anyone, really. It only hurts people. Frankly, I dream of a world where women and men can or cannot be sluts as they choose and no one really cares because truthfully, it is not their business. And a woman who has agreed to have sex with the entire state of New York might turn down and get raped by one dude from Boston…and guess what, if the dude from Boston raped her, the fact that she has fucked all of NY should not matter at all, because she consented to do that. And this whole double standard thing? It does not just hurt the women. It does hurt the men too. With the current dominant culture, the whole “your wife/girlfriend/daughter/sister” is a slut has repercussions on males (where as your husband/boyfriend/son/brother/male lover thing does not to the same degree at all), but it goes beyond that. It reinforces the idea that men are supposed to get as much sex and possible and women are not supposed to give it (which hey, never plays into rape at all or anything), it plays into men having negative thoughts towards women who do have sex, possibly with lots of people, including people other than them), and you know what. it just, just might, on some occasions, when a woman realizes she will be shamed and branded a whore for the rest of her life by the majority of the world because she “acted like a slut” …well, it just might make her levy accusations against a man or men which are false.* And even if she does go to that extreme, she’ll still be called a slut…and not in a good way.
So yeah, with the walking around every day of my life with the whole slut label in place, I am not sure if reclaiming can or ever will work. What I do think would be grand was if people, men or women, were sluts, it did not freakin’ matter and it did not have the power to destroy their lives. And on this, women always get the short end of the stick. We’ve not reclaimed shit. I’ve accepted that and can deal with that and fail to care what 99% of people think about it in regards to me; but you can bet your ass and a pair if snake skin boots I damn well know what the potential punishments for my sluttiness could be, from “oh she’s fucked everyone she probably deserved it or is lying” in an instance of rape to, oh, potential future employment in non-sex based fields to, oh, daily bullshit from other humans. I know my chances there, and yeah, I am willing to take them.
But that is me, one person, in the here and now. I wonder about all those other people, women people specifically. I think about how the double standards on the word slut hurt everyone. And yeah, I sure as hell think they do. It’s okay for men to be sluts, no one seems to care or really judge them for it. Women? Oh, not the same case at all. And that, my friends, sucks. Until that changes? Well, the word “slut” has not been reclaimed at all, and women who are sluts will take all the bad that goes with it.
And oh yeah, any man who is a slut who fucks female sluts and then acts like they are so much lower than he is and would not speak up in her defense were she sexually assaulted or what have you? I really do hope your dicks rot off and I wonder just how much you hate yourself…. just sayin’, one slut to another.
*By no means am I saying this is what happened in the case I linked, but the sexual shaming of women has led to and inspired some pretty fucked up shit that harms everyone involved.