Scarecrow

Posted: November 14, 2012 in Personal

We begin, now with a song…which I know most of you hate, unless it is cool and Rootie likes it, or it is old school, a Daisy loves it….

Well, there is this little industrial metal band, old skool, that I love, and this song, really, says much for me.  In fact….see title of post, song sorta says it all!

I got badly burned, badly, in 2008, which many of you know, those who don’t, woo, in color, then I screwed up my back, which, still has issues, last resort is surgery, and I say bring it on, better than this.  I MISS being able to MOVE.  But, my response, at everyone and anything, has always been, as the song says “To laugh in the face of condemnation”.  I am still laughing.

I have taken the hits for all I have ever done, still am.  Real jobs, hah, like I have a resume for that, physically, hello, fire.  But the one thing my amazingly nihilist self has?  Hope.  Not in any sort of afterworld sense (pfft, useless, there is no afterworld), but in the NOW.

Did some drawings lately, they ain’t bad, nature and muscle cars.  Realize come sat I am 41, and staring down more surgery of the non happy kind, and you know, I am GOOD with that.  Such Is Life, SO Be it.

Heh, can an angry nihilist be Zen?

And that is a taste of things to come.

And oh yes, I WAS their  scarecrow for a long time, no more, now, I am for me.

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Comments
  1. rootietoot says:

    I like Industrial, as long as there’s a solid beat and discernible lyrics. This is a good one!

  2. Ministry is fucking awesome.

  3. Kim says:

    Thought I’d check in and here you are. I miss blogging so much — have tried so many times to get started and still have too many fears of “What if insult This Person?” or “What it THAT Person finds my new blog” and on and on and fuck it all if I can’t write honestly. Maybe seeing YOU back will help me find my inner Fuck It. (We could always co-blog a place called The Spinal Sisters – have a boatload of fun stuff going on with mine too but so far, no surgery and my mobility is fine so there’s that.) Love and Sparkle, (Like a Spacerocket, Baby) Kim

  4. Kim says:

    I’m going to take a GIANT liberty, Ren, and write a mini-post HERE 🙂 Feel free to delete if I’ve overstepped my bounds.

    I was just outside on the deck smoking, thinking how much has changed since I was an active blogger — but more, I was thinking how much hasn’t changed.

    What hasn’t changed: Annabelle, Zuzu and Carter. Still married, living in same house, still love my wine. HAVE NOT got my damn forearm sleeve tattoo as husband is dragging his feat about designing it for me. Still feel pretty much the same way I did re: feminism and how men CAN be dicks, but not all are — and how feminists CAN be dicks, but not all are. Same job, still working with homeless.

    What has changed: one more himalayan, a male, 3 total. A few more tattoos. Got a promotion. Running has slacked way off, as has my hyper-vigilance with weight gain, making me about 10 pounds more than I like — but hey, I can change that (health got in the way many times with running and I’ve had way too much unfun stress/lonely eating.) Not riding at all. I’m fucking 44 and getting more wrinkles by the damn day. Diagnosed with weird heart rhythm and meningocele/bone loss on spine — but both are holding steady and NOT causing health problems at this time. Daughter is 13 (!!!) and has had some health crap too — we’ll save that for another time.

    I’ve recently decided eastern Connecticut pretty much sucks a giant dick. Sure, it’s PRETTY and quiet and bucolic as you like, but damn, it’s doomed to a perpetual combination of snobbery, apathy and can never get the fuck out it own way re: getting any sort of real “scene” off the ground. Thinking about moving — but don’t want to leave the family I have out here, yet.

    Oh, and I’m pissed that out of 45 presidents, all of them have been male.

    And now, I have to shower and figure out a way to be out of the office for a potluck lunch. This gal doesn’t do “potluck.” Long story.

    Keep writing, Ren — I need the inspiration! 🙂

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