My strange journey….

Posted: October 18, 2012 in Blogging, Personal

So I am back now I guess, yeah?

I have learned some things about life, and myself, and people.  Some good, some bad, some in between.

Life?  Its never what you expect….its not a game, or a journey, or anything but  a mission.  We all have a mission.  Its great if we can figure it out before we die.

Me?  I am one angry woman.   Scary full of fury.  But as much as I am a a furious bitch with a hellfire temper, well, hate…not the impersonal kind, but the personal kind, which used to be so easy for me, is getting harder.  I made a hobby out of driving, burning, murderous hate, heck, it kept me alive.  I will say honestly, I thought of myself for a long time as a monster, I would be the everything horrible everyone thought me to be, and I did prove myself to be very adept at that, I was GOOD at it, and I will even admit, I liked it…but I am not sure I am really That Thing Anymore.  I still have a Bite and Smirk, but….that’s is all a part of me for sure, but it is not ALL of me.

People and I…that is the hard one.  My brain works a bit different, and I am always fascinated, not always nicely so, about how others work.  I have done very very nasty things not only trying to see how they work, but trying to see how I am different or could make me be the same….there IS a reason I like Sylar so much.  But I am finally starting to realize….okay, so I am off, its not anyone’s fault, persay, I just am.  I may never get it, ever.   But I don’t need to get others, and really, others don’t need to get me…we’re all still here , right?  I WANT to know, but it doesn’t matter if I ever really do, right?

I reckon that is a start.

Welcome to my latest evolution.

I am No Longer a Sex Worker, and have no desire to ever go back to it, but believe it is a far more complex issue than anyone will ever know unless they’ve done it.

Still a gamer, though they are killing City Of

Still like my guns.

Still love gumbo, and Sylar, and the Comedian, and Dean Winchester, and Tucker & Dale….

and I leave you with this….

THE ORIGINAL 80’s VERSION!

i so did always love this song, imagine that?

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Comments
  1. Glad to see you’re back!

    You definitely need to come to Chicago again so I can make you some gumbo and we can bitch about humanity while drinking copious amounts of whiskey. There’s something about humanity as whole that I dislike, and I totally agree with you there. However, I do like people on an individual basis after they’ve been rigorously screened. *grin*

    Oh, Dean. My ideal husband. 🙂

  2. Awesome to see this post when I came here today. Your writing is thoughtful, self-reflective, and honest in a way that’s not the norm, from what I see on blogs. I mean there are other bloggers whose writing I love, and it’s for the same qualities (plus humor and intelligence, which all the bloggers I love have, including you), but I feel like what’s also interesting about what you choose to write about is the reality of how/who you were at other times, how that may or may not have changed, and no-shying-away from talking about seeing yourself and/or your behaviors as less than perfect.

    As someone who used to be an asshole who judged you harshly (well maybe the asshole part still stands, but the judging no longer exists), I don’t know how to explain how I feel (talk about a brain working differently, ha) except to say that it’s something along the lines of, “In your face, old-self! [me] – you were wrong about the things you thought and said, so there!” Which isn’t about whether we disagreed and/or may still disagree about some things, but solely about my arrogance in thinking I had a right to judge your character based on not agreeing with you.

    And with that, I will hope to put to bed my “god I hate that I was a jerk to you” stuff the same way it sounds like you’ve put working in the sex industry behind you. And of course I am super nosy/curious about why you quit sex work and have no desire to go back. Not that it’s much of a mystery to me when women do quit, etc., but the particulars of why any one woman does, is what interests me. If you’re not comfortable blogging about it (and with all the shit you’ve faced for having talked about doing it and liking it in the past, I wouldn’t blame you), I will no doubt email you about it – but hopefully it goes without saying that I don’t feel entitled to an answer either here, or privately in email, or anywhere else, period. I’m not under the illusion that my curiosity is the equivalent of a subpoena.

    At any rate, I love that you’re blogging again.

  3. Catseye says:

    YAY!!! I’m glad you’re back to blogging!

  4. antiprincess says:

    hello old friend. guess you’ve had adventures.

  5. Jeremy says:

    As a fan from the days of your old blog I am glad you are back. As for sex work, I am glad that you made a decision in your life that keeps you happy. However I hope your work as sex workers advocate never ends. Yours was and is an important voice in aiding these vulnerable women (and men) who work in it. I say this as a privileged male whose only involvement with sex workers had been buying a lap dance from a stripper. It was because of you I learned why the Swedish model was wrong; I learned of a dancer being attacked by fire by and ex, and was able to donate a little money—I don’t have much. In your battles with the self-proclaimed ‘abolitionists’ you reminded me of the late Christopher Hitchens, for both elegance and often being right.

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