And going with my snarky apathetic assholery theme…..

Posted: May 2, 2012 in The Hardline According to Ren, women

Hugo has a post up, ten things men should know by the time they are 30.  I’m meaner than him.  So here we have it….10 things women should know by the time they are 30- Ren Version…

10:  Unless you can beat the holy living fuck out of the male of the speices or you  gave birth to a male of the speices, never expect they will ever actually respect you in a manner you wish to be respected or treat you equal in a manner you wish to be treated equal.

9:  Women cannot have male friends unless they have women in their lives they actually love and love them back.

8:  It doesn’t matter what you look like, you will always find one thing- at least- about your appearance to hate, and that shit will drive you insane, so take time to look at the things you do like about your appearance.

7:  Diamonds are not a girls best friend, firearms are.

6:  If you cannot change a tire, you are a fucking failure at life even if you have a PhD and while someone might come save you..really?  A tire?  Such things should be mandatory in highschool so learn and teach your sisters!

5:  Live up to no ones expectations but your own, whatever they might be.

4:  Everyone has regrets, do not let yours become your rulers.

3:  Always have three plans for everything, two you can share, one you keep all your own, after all, if the shit hits the fan, that plan may be all you’ve got.

2:   Everyone deserves some happy good and fun, even you.  Never think otherwise.

1:  Its brains and iron that get you through life.  Other things might get you to 30, so cultivate the first two before you get there.

  1. pheenobarbidoll says:

    I can change a tire, but if some idiot wants to prove his manliness by doing it for me, I can also watch an idiot change my tire.

    • rootietoot says:

      That’s precisely how I change tires. I’ve never had to wait more than 5 minutes (or however long it takes me to remember how to get the tire out of the trunk) for someone to stop and offer to do it for me. Better their clothes than mine! My dad also made sure I knew how to change oil and spark plugs, charge a battery (I dumped a boyfriend once because he said i didn’t know how, then he fused the terminals by doing it wrong), and diagnose various ominous car noises.

      • Deb says:

        My dad made sure I knew how to take care of a car..change tires, oil ect ect…honestly sometimes I think I get a little too defensive when men ask me if I need help…

        • rootietoot says:

          I figure if someone wants to get greasy in my place, I am more than happy to let them. I will NOT, however, EVER let someone else handle the jumper cables.

  2. xena says:

    🙂 Hell yes to all but 1 6 and 7. Brains are good. Knowing how to kick ass without a gun is good. Cash is better. Being happily car-free-by-choice allows me to hang on to more of my precious cash, and put my focus on something besides all the annoying shit that can go wrong with a car.

    However, I can’t think of a more useless waste of personal, national, and global resources than collecting girlie diamonds to wear. I wonder how much the need for firearms would decrease if the Powers That Be stopped overselling useless shit like fossil fuel guzzlers and shiny rocks as status symbols?

  3. jillbrenneman says:

    You are my hero Ren!

  4. pheenobarbidoll says:

    I taught my Canadian husband how to drive, and recently, how to correctly sight a crossbow. I married a geek, but Texas is rednecking him up abit. He now wants a pickup truck.

  5. xena says:

    Archery is good. I haven’t used a bow since summer camp, but I’d do that again. I’m not so sure about driving. This is why I don’t have much use for cars:

  6. pheenobarbidoll says:

    I can’t use a recurve bow, my boobs get in the way, so crossbow was bought. 150lb’s of pure fun.

    You have to have a car living where I live. The city is spread out over miles and miles, we don’t have many sidewalks outside of residential areas and you don’t want to walk when it’s 115 outside. Even if you’re only going 2 blocks, you can get heat stroke. Our bus system is new and sucks ass. Biking is an invitation to death because of all the large oil field trucks and people here aren’t used to watching out for pedestrians or people on bikes. The recent oil boom has seen 8,000 more people showing up for work here, and our roads are packed now. It’s like driving the Indy 500 of demolition derbies. So you want a lot of steel between you and other cars.

    Also, in the summer the tar on the roads actually melt. Not something you want to walk across, or bike across.

    • xena says:

      115 sounds awful. I like the desert states in the winter, tho.

      Most oil cities go through boom and bust cycles. After the boom comes the builders. They build and expand to accommodate, eventually. Things get a little more comfortable at the beginning of the bust cycle when there are new expansions, but fewer people to crowd all over them.

      Hopefully your municipal gvt., city planners and transit people will get their new development projects all figured out in the next few years.

      Why didn’t they ever give you sidewalks?

  7. pheenobarbidoll says:

    The builders are currently building housing and new eating places. Then when everyone leaves those places will turn into shitholes. Road expansion isn’t done, not really possible here either. They just add more crap to the outlying areas of town and we get bigger. We’re currently at 36.9 square miles and that’s just the city. The county goes on forever.

    I’m in the Permian Basin. We have 29 counties, it’s 250 miles wide and 300 miles long. All oil producing counties, dependent on oil. We don’t have more sidewalks because, quite frankly, the oil business doesn’t need them. I think we produce 17% of domestic oil in the country.

  8. pheenobarbidoll says:

    Oh and even more wonderful, everytime we have a boom our murder stats skyrocket. We were, last boom, the murder capital of the nation per capita.


    • xenaresurrected says:

      Ouch. Calgary just houses more (and more expensive) sex workers and illegal immigrants during boom times.

  9. pheenobarbidoll says:

    I lived in Jasper for a few years. Alberta has nothing on being run by big oil like this area does. Everything caters to it. Every. Single. Thing. It took YEARS to get a bus system approved, because people would drive less and buy less gas. And you’ll see a bus with a total of 2 people in it.

    They’ve even managed to keep a lizard off the endangered species list because it would remove 700,00 or so acres from being drilled. Out of 39 MILLION acres available.

    People are paying for it though. (she says smugly) Because now the oil companies are drilling near the fancy 3 million dollar homes and there’s nothing the rich assholes can do about it except watch those property values drop.

    We’re 3 hours from Mexico. Illegal immigrants are everywhere, boom or bust. (not that I care, I think borders are fucking stupid. Who has the right to dictate where someone lives for shits sake? Or where someone works??)

    • xena says:

      I know what you mean. I was surprised when I heard the global stats and realized just how oil rich this country is, given that our gvts and industries have been comparatively low key about it. For the moment anyway… I hope Harper and the boys don’t get all Texan on our ecosystem. Donutted-out megalopolis structures wreak havoc on people’s sense of community, as you pointed out. Greed destroys more than just the wildlife.

      • pheenobarbidoll says:

        Unfortunately, it sounds like ya’ll are on your way. While living in Jasper, they allowed a pipeline to go through the park, and housing prices shot so high residents were being tossed out of their homes so landlords could cater to pipeline workers and charge 3 times the rent. That, coupled with CN laying off my husband, is why we moved to Texas. (well that and I got sick of the cold and lack of decent mexican food lol)

        And the tar sands stuff is getting bad. First Nations people have been fighting it for years, Now the Keystone pipeline is being pushed, it will run from Canada to the coast of Texas.

  10. pheenobarbidoll says:

    Also- It’s 102 right now and I just branded my leg with the goddamn seatbelt.

  11. Spacerocket Kim with the catz and HUGE German Shephed says:

    I love this. And I’m not dead 🙂 In particular I love “Live up to no ones expectations but your own, whatever they might be.” True, that.

  12. Deb says:

    Excellent advice! especially love 10 and 7…although I am much more into archery and swords then guns….

  13. joankelly6000 says:

    I love you and this list.

  14. Hello Kimmy, please start blogging again! (kiss)

    Love this list.

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