…and Joan Kills Me….

Posted: April 10, 2012 in Blogging, The Funny, women, WTF???

Oh man, cannot stop laughing.  Not sure if that was the response she intended to inact but hey, I just admitted in the last post my head is a bit oddly wired and well, for real, some shit that prolly shouldn’t just makes me laugh my goddamn ass off, and really, I needed a good laugh…

so now go to Joans and Read Her Posts about the 50 Shades of “Phenomena”

You done?  You read it?

Did someone other than me laugh?

See, the deadly combo of Joans Sarcastic Yet Justified Rage and the fact that she’s…right…and the fact that as a Het Chick I fuckin’ hate Twilight and all stories of it’s Ilk and actually wish a great many dudes of the world would just leave me the hell alone….oh see, funny shit right there….and any crap schlock novel that follows the pattern she’s talkin’ about?  There are droves of women who will read it…Romance Novels of any sort -from ones with Vampires to ones with BDSM- are usually pretty crappy and are fittingly called Housewife Porn or Bodice Rippers for a reason….and have been for years, so the formula and the tales are nothing new…so yeah, it both amuses me and baffles me when suddenly these sorts of things are almost mythical and mystical in their popularity.  Snerk,  Last book I read- actually re-read, was “American Gods” by Neil Gaiman and it was good.  Last movie I saw was “the Hunger Games”- never read the books, and frankly, I loved it, ‘cept for the stupid romance plot line…

It’s funny to me because I guess as a person who likes to write, and has been told I don’t actually suck at it…I don’t much go for romance in anything I write, or the tried and true formula (maybe that’s why I am not rich and famous?)  Sex?  Sure, I’ll write stuff with sex in it, and complex relationships, and rivalries, and dynamics that are fucked up…sure.  But Romance or the typical Man Sweeps Woman off her Feet and Makes her Feel Special?  In that Special Way Joan is talking about?

Ughhhh.  What amazes me is folk actually like reading that shit!


  1. xena says:

    Yeah, I got a chuckle out of that one too. I’ll second your Ughhh. Twilight sux. I like vampire stories that are political and scary, like Daybreakers, with Willem Dafoe. I didn’t mind the Anne Rice vampires, up to a point, which would have been Book 5, Armande. They were well written, but got tired after awhile. How many volumes can an author fill with whiny undead European lords sucking each other off and travelling through castles and squabbling over aristocratic bullshit before the whole thing gets boring? Twilight didn’t even have what Anne Rice’s whiny dead guys had. At least they were disgusting and cruel and scary sometimes. The Twilight vampires were idiotic. Harlequin bullshit with walking corpses. ICK!!!

    I think the last romance story I liked (completely by accident bc I walked in when my friends were watching, or I never would have given it a chance) was City of the Angels with Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan. I was pleasantly surprised with that movie, probably bc tragic love stories just seem more true to me, despite the religious stuff.

    Gimmee action, SF, epic fantasy or naturalistic horror over that girlie shit anyday. Hell, I’ll even take supernatural horror over that. How about wildlife documentaries on TLC?

  2. From Joan’s post: (god help me if the world of romance doesn’t stop being filled with ingenues I’m going to start wearing pig tails again and skipping along the sidewalk just to creep everyone out the same way I’m creeped out)

    Laughed so hard I choked on my peanut butter Cheerios.

  3. Joan Kelly says:

    well bless all your hearts and thank you Ren for the plug and the compliments. I would write more but as I’ve said here before, it takes ten minutes for my typing to show up and I don’t know how to fix it.


  4. Debbie says:

    Agreed! Good vampire stories pretty much always have vamps that are at the least morally grey! Twillight is crap! The only love story that goes well in action movies to me is maybe Spiderman…Stan Lee can combine action and romance pretty well imo

    • xenaresurrected says:

      Hmmm… action&romance together is ok if it’s done properly. Spidey is one of the sexiest superheroes out there… old cougar that I am… (Spidey’s hot, not Tobey) and I loved the upside down kiss with MJ. I have a problem with the female-in-peril cliche, tho. I don’t like the way MJ was always tied up and suspended over NYC screaming. I prefer romances that follow the comrades-in-arms formula. Bat man & Catwoman (Michelle Pfieffer) were awesome together. So were Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom’s characters in Pirates of the Caribbean. If I ever find somebody worth marrying, I will SO have a wedding like theirs–on a ship in the middle of a swordfight in the rain. Everybody looks 10x sexier when they’re flushed, sweaty, and wearing clingy, soaked white linen shirts 🙂

      I think I liked the Anne Rice vampires bc they made so many excuses to soak Brad’s ruffles with homoerotic neckchewing off the side of a boat, in the rain, etc. Dripping Wet Brad was always one of my favourite things in life 😛 I preferred Stuart Townsend over Tom as LeStat, tho. The guy moved like a panther! The music in Queen of the Damned kicked ass too. Yet another thing about Twilight that just can’t hold a candle to the storytelling of the previous generation. Don’t even get me started on how lame Bella is when you compare her to Buffy…

      • Ren says:

        Music in Queen of the Damned, you can thank…Korn.

      • Debbie says:

        Twillight is a huge insult to female lead characters AND to Vampires….Actually an insult to literature in every way=P

        Anne Rice Vamps were good….they were morally grey and boreded between monsters and human.

  5. Ohhh everybody I know keeps warning me that Hunger Games is great… but, ugh, ROMANCE. I have been avoiding it for that reason alone. Yech.

  6. Debbie says:

    Hunger Games was awesome! Only saw the movie though haven’t read the books yet….

    I looked into 50 Shades of Grey and honestly it looks pretty awful….While I am also into BDSM I am sick and tired of the women are true submissives and men are true dominants trope! I can’t think of a single piece of BDSM lit or movie that has a person that is a switch or or a female domme…

    Secretary was a pretty good movie though!

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