So, I’ve been neglecting blog world here lately, due to everything from illness to meh, other shit to do, NFL, guns, blah blah blah….and cause it is Netganistan, you KNOW as soon as you leave shit will blow right the fuck up…
and so it has again, and so I been catching up, and it’s interesting because three people I got right here on my own blog roll are well, from engraged at/to less than thrilled/ to WTF with eachother. Gin, Hugo, and Joan. And I feel like I should say some shit, just cause…
I got all three of em on my blog roll for a reason. I never agree with any one of em 100%, and never disagree with any one of em 100%. Gin is the only one I know in RL, but I have talked to both Joan and Hugo, and promised Joan I would drag my gun nut self out to CA to scare her family for her one day…(long story). But this recent blow up has me thinking about a lot of shit….
Wierd shit. Very, very wierd shit. And things like “privilege” and violence and crap o’ that nature. Now, see, Joan here just knocked my dang boots off with being, IMHO, very brave…and saying some real truth. I sort of feel like, as a person who has oh, had violence and hurt done to me, but also handed out my own fair share of that shit, it is never on the person who dished it out to say when things might be Okay or Forgiven. One can come to terms with themself and the wrongs they have done….but anything else? That has to be given. That is not something an aggressor can just give to themself and say “its okay, I changed, it’s all better now.” Because nothing is EVER ALL BETTER, and only the wronged party can decide when its “okay” and things are…well, good enough. And therein lies the difference between folk like me, I guess, and say, Hugo. I don’t hate Hugo, not at all. Not in the least. But…well, as a person who has done some shady shit myself, sober and not, emotional harm and physical violence and all that crap…well, I can and have come to terms with my own shit, and I can live with who and what I am and what I have done…but it ain’t all good, and no one has to forgive me for it, and I sure as shit am in no position to ask them too, nor act like things are all okay and dandy because you know what? Straight up, I fucked wth some other folk and sure enough, they are human and it hurts and affects them and that is not just…okay..or excusable…even with excuses (I was drunk, tweaking, sleep deprived, I’m an anti-social, blah blah blah blah…SO WHAT?) Can I live with the fact that I can be a real piece of work and have certainly done others wrong-without sugar coating it? Yep. Do I think that’s okay or that those folk I have wronged should forgive me because well, I’ve evolvoed or changed or would prolly not do the same shit unto them again? Fuck No. And that’s not now nor will it ever be my call to make.
And I also gotta say, when I feel I have been wronged, or treated unfairly… hell, Gin and Joan could attest to this…I tend to, oh snap back. And go for the kidney shot. I am, by nature, when I feel hurt or wronged, mean. But…I am quick to forgive. Forget? Never, hell, I am a Scorpio- we never forget, but forgive, yeah…which is good, or chances are…well, I wouldnt KNOW people like Gin and Joan- but you know what? Only Gin and I could agree to bury our hatchet and love on the Zombies, and only Joan and I could agree to let shit slide and be friends….No one else, not anyone from “my side” who may have hurt them, or “their side” who may have hurt me could make those decisions for us. And hell, we all took some shit for doing so…and apparently we call all live with that- but it was our decision, as mutally aggressive folk and mutally hurt folk…to make.
No one else could do that- just us.
One can learn to live with bad shit they’ve done….but no one can do the forgiving except the wronged party. And to me, that just seems like common basic knowledge.
*as for the privilege thing…I can tell ya, I have pulled some shit that well, if I wasn’t a short white gal? It sure as shit woulda landed my ass in a jail cell! And yep, I absolutely recognize that!
**and Gin, I forgive you for not liking Tebow, but I am still gonna wear my Tebow Jersey!