Things you learn…

Posted: December 5, 2011 in The Hardline According to Ren

or, well, that I have learned in my 40 years on this planet….

The Denver Broncos actually are trying to kill all their fans via OT inspired cardiac arrest….
“My Name is Earl” really is pretty funny…
Some chicks dig .45’s
It is entirely possible to sew up annoying heavily bleeding wounds with a bent needle and dental floss!
You can in fact relocate a shoulder with a doorjam or a tree
Never, ever, ever say “What else could go wrong?”
The NRA’s Christmas cards really are kinda pretty
You can find the same flannel shirt that LL Bean sells for 60$ for 20$ at WalMart
You can spend a whole sunny month planning a camping trip, and the second you try to set your tent up, it will start raining
Cats don’t have owners, they are the owners
If MN had nicer weather, it would be FL, and I would never wish that on MN
Spanish may be the second non official language of the US, except in my neighborhood, where it is Korean

I’d prolly have less headaches if I chopped off my hair, seriously, I think its on steroids…
the Sig p220, and the braid! It's outta control!!

  1. If Minnesota had nicer weather….

    Hey! What, you don’t like rubber-melting humidity and arctic cold? Plus the cold kills t he bugs so they don’t get too big.

    As somebody who’s had to put in—and take out—a few stitches, I still don’t recommend doing it to yourself. That’s what your buddies are for. Did you do that thing we talked about?

    I still like the long guns better, though I might change my mind if I could find a pink derringer or something.

  2. rootietoot says:

    Don’t chop off your hair. People like me envy people with hair like yours.
    Relocating shoulders is pretty easy if you aren’t squeamish- I’ve had to do it twice. It hurts like @&(#% tho. I recommend some motrin afterwards. It is MUCH easier if someone else does it.
    and yes, saying “what else could go wrong” is like picking a fight in a bar parking lot: the results are inevitable.

  3. dead_vladimir says:

    all I know is Minneapolis is cold! It’s not Iowa cold but still hit single digits last night, and the cool bar i was told was super awesome and i had to see, was shut down by the state. I feel someone didn’t give me need to know info

  4. dead_vladimir says:

    oh and the hair rocks and who doesn’t love .45s

  5. xena says:

    Minnesota weather’s the same as the weather where I am. Fucking snowed off&on all week. We’re lucky this year. At least it didn’t stay on the ground. This time last year, it was thigh deep, and I’m 5’9″ in my boots! I had to toss a $140 pair of leather boots that got destroyed bc I wore them in that for 2 months.

    Don’t cut your hair. I always regret cutting mine. I’ve had hair down to my waist, and I’ve chopped it into a pixie cut 4 times now. I miss my model length hair. I bleached the shit out of it because I’m having a mid-life crisis, and the thought of catching something in a homeless shelter stresses me to no end. It hasn’t grown past my shoulders in over 2 years. But I’m blonde, and I haven’t caught any bugs. Hopefully, things will work out here at my sister’s place, and I won’t be homeless again for a while.

    “What else could go wrong?” Yes. Story of my life. And yes to the dislocations. Right hip, left shoulder. Every frikkin time I do my thang in the Missionary position, they pop out. They do get easier to pop back in when you’ve had a little practice. But yes, it’s painful. Like labour contractions.

  6. I heard from somebody that Minnesota has “nine months of winter and three months of bad sledding”–LOL.

  7. We have 2 seasons. Fucking hot and goddamn cold.

  8. antiprincess says:

    apropos of nothing, could you email me? laurelresources AT yahoo

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