I dislike it when even women sell women short….

Posted: August 6, 2011 in women

So, I was reading/responding over at Joan’s (which, by the way, Joan is an engager and not a preacher, and well, I like her shoot from the hip whatever enters her head style…that is my kinda blogging  lol).  The topic is abusive relationships and BDSM, so I had to open my big mouth.  So I have been reading and engaging and I am back here with this uneasy feeling cause I feel like some folk?  Well, even though they are women, they sell women short.  Its like, you know, I read enough MRA shit where the hardline is because men and larger and stronger they are just naturally meant to be dominant, then I gotta hear that shit from feminists too?  Really?  Seriously?  I mean, sure enough, little ole’ me?  I am never gonna beat a guy in a fair fight.  Note I said fair there.  Hell, I fight dirty.  Why?  Well, because there is more to women, even in that sense, than people give ’em credit for.  I am one of those folks who thinks (and gets real sick of thinking) that everyone, even women, sell women short in a whole lotta ways.  Hell, I know a lot of women you would Not Want Pissed Off At You.  Rootie will throw poisonious snakes in yer car.  Lee would just stomp the shit outta ya outright.  Lisa KS will handle yer agro but good.  Aspasia will sarcastic you to death, Chicago Style.  And I might not be able to beat someone down, but I could find out where they slept and I do own a whole lotta saws…  There are a lot of women out there, A LOT, it is just NOT a good idea to fuck with- and not because they are uber strong and can beat up people, but because they are smart, can be devious and vicious if needs be, and well, are not of the mind to let people walk all over them. 

Hell, I even look at it this way:  I know three types of women.  Those who do not put up with shit from anyone.  Those who do put up with shit from everyone.  Those who will put up with some shit from some people cause they care about them, and then do not put up with shit from people they don’t care about.  Group one and three I can get and understand and well, prolly not folk you want mad at you.  Group 2 I do not get and I think they are at where they are at because they sell themselves short.  Do I know women who let people, including their men- hell, especially their men, walk all over them?  Yep. Does it drive me nuts?  Yep.  I know dudes who are the same way too though, without question.  And its kinda funny, because if you wanna throw BDSM into it for a second….two of the dudes I know who have let their lives be utterly run and ruined and completely dictated to them by their women?  Heh, Also happen to be dominant in the bedroom.  Humm….

But yeah, back here with that irked feeling.  Sure enough, most women are not as big or strong as men.  And?  Like we ain’t adapted or figured out other ways to handle our business and get shit done and stand up for ourselves?  Really?  As the saying goes “God created Man, Sam Colt made them Equal”…that does apply to us chicks too you know. 

I mean really, WTF, women, have some self confidence already….get some faith in yerselves!


  1. rootietoot says:

    That’s right. I keep a pond full of water moccasins in the back yard the same way other people keep pepper spray in their purse!

    I try to be sympathetic with people who are perpetual victims, but usually don’t succeed. I can understand getting mixed up with the wrong sort once or twice (I have that t-shirt), but making a habit of it is enabling the victimizers.

    It also pisses me WAY off when I hear “oh but s/he is so much (insert superlative) than I am! I’m helpless!” because…well…I’m an overweight undereducated housewife, and most EVERYONE would appear to the world to be more (insert superlative) than I am…and yet…(snakes under the driver’s seat). It’s not hard to figure out what your strengths are, so I have difficulty understanding when people won’t do that, and just lay down and let themselves be steamrolled. Perhaps I’l be called a victim-blamer for it…but it’s only the habitual victims with whom I have an issue.

    Perhaps the women who are selling women short are doing so because they don’t want to feel so alone in their situation, or can’t understand why someone wouldn’t feel the same way they do?

    • *bows* I sarcastic’d somebody into silence on the train this past Monday. It was fantastic. I hadn’t had breakfast that morning but damned if that didn’t fill me up.

      I am never gonna beat a guy in a fair fight. Note I said fair there. Hell, I fight dirty.

      Yes! I just thought about Jeyne from “Firefly”: “Hell, I’ll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight…”

      My maman, as much as I love her, is part of Group 2. I get my cutting style from my grandmothers. And most of our conflict comes from the fact that I don’t get her and why she sells herself short. Thing is, that she’s smart and if not for the stroke, she still would have most of her wits. But long before the stroke, she just went that soft route. Now, you know I’m a sophisticated and elegant woman with a paper that says I got all the proper learnin’ but fuck with me but once and the well-sharpened knives come out. And if I was my great-aunt Alberta (a kick-ass Blackfoot Indian) that knife would be the machete she used to carry around in her purse. Lovely, intelligent, nice woman, but she took shit from no one.

    • Rootie, I feel sorry for whomever underestimates you for the reasons you named. I make it a habit not to underestimate most people. I’ve been underestimated by those who think I’d make an easy target due to my more polished exterior but I’ve perfected a look that says, “You sure you want to test that theory. On me? Today?”

      • rootietoot says:

        I have that look, too. Raising 3 males to adulthood meant either getting steamrolled or developing The Look. All 3 claim The Look is capable of causing instant and long lasting guilt and shrinkage.

        • Yeah, I grew up with an older brother. I think that can be a very good experience for a young woman. I’m simply not intimidated by men. I give him The Look too when appropriate. I also learned the basics of my trademark sarcasm from him and dialed it up a notch. The student became the Master. 😛

  2. catlover says:

    Notice how you never see the same argument about masochist men. Often it’s prostitution so “He’s paying so she’s the real dependent so that proves women subordinate”. Must be the only job where the payer is considered to be exploiting the payee – next time I get charged a ridiculous price for a beer I’ll remember to feel sorry for the poor bar owner I’m exploiting. That aside, it doesn’t explain why he enjoys being tied up, tortured, pissed on and generally helpless and occasionally having his bollocks kicked in. It doesn’t explain either that prostitution-wise it don’t come cheap so the client is likely to have the money to throw around and that likely means a job with a lot of responsibility & authority – ie ‘dominant male’.

    The appeal of sensation and frustration that you can’t control is obvious – or not if that sort of experience just annoys you – but it doesn’t come into winding arguments to get back on track that female domination puts women down just as much as male domination. The usual one I’ve seen (apart from ‘who pays calls the tune’) is that sex and power go together for men but not for those sweet delicate tender little women, so she is acting his fantasy for his benefit. Of course there is a school of thought that considers anything the man enjoys to be exploiting the woman (likely because she’s determined never to enjoy anything so ‘dirty’ anyway) – in fact two versions, one calls itself ‘moral’ and the other ‘feminist’ but really they are the same thing whatever words they use.

    Makes you wonder why women do it at all, why it is far more usual than professionals letting men do anything of the sort to them (and by the standard arguments they would be exactly the poor subordinated creatures with no other choice) and why so many professionals live with a masochistic man dunnit?

    • rootietoot says:

      “so she is acting his fantasy for his benefit.”
      Sometimes it’s not even fantasy related. My husband has a high powered job and 500 employees. When he gets home, he’s tired of making decisions that affect their lives, tired of telling people what to do, and tired of dealing with “now what, Boss?”. He simply does not want to make decisions. He wants to be told what to do, how, when, and if. Granted, this is not a BDSM situation where I’m tying him up and all, but it’s still an issue of dominance/submission, and he is happy to submit.

  3. Roy Kay says:

    It’s just another form of paternalism that likes to style itself as anti-Patriarchy.

    I can understand SOME elements of #2. In any relationship you let a little BS pass. Note “little”; because you sure don’t want to become someone’s punching bag therapy.

    I can’t understand group 1 at all. Ain’t no one ever told ya that the best way to get bullied is to give in? I mean, looking like you are giving it while plotting your insurrection I can see, but never actually planning an insurrection and carrying it out is beyond me.

    Group 3 I understand, but sometimes you end up buying wars you don’t need when there is just a misunderstanding. And of course, sometimes you just need to buy time to gather your strength.

  4. That conversation annoyed me, or at least my small part in it… Its interesting that they want to write off poor Karla Faye as forced by SOME MAN to hack a woman to death… which totally ignores what Karla herself said about her own actions when she repented. But I guess since she repented in a patriarchal religion, that doesn’t count either.

    Certain types of radical feminism discount women’s agency and basically seem to say: If women do good, they freely chose to do good, aren’t women fabulous? If women do bad, it’s some man’s fault, aren’t men shitty and aren’t women STILL fabulous?

    (rolls eyes)

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