Archive for July 22, 2011

“Deal Breakers”

Posted: July 22, 2011 in Humans

Y’all know the term, right?  As in how it is used in a relationship sense….as in that “I cannot be in a relationship with someone if they (insert habit or whatever here), that’s a deal breaker.”  Usually a term used for relationships of a romantic nature, but not excluded to, for instance a recovering alcoholic might really like Joe X, but Joe X likes to get his party on with the booze and thus, our theoretical recovering alcoholic cannot be around Joe that much because Joe kicks back by drinkin’….thus deal breaker on a friendship.  These things, those deal breaker things?  They exist for a reason.  Boundaries and hardlines and shit like that?  I tend to think those are good things that help in the protecting of ones self, sanity, and all that shit.   Hell, I even got some myself, and yep, sure enough, they differ if stuff is on a friend level or a romantic level….for instance, I can be friends with a dude who takes longer to get ready to go out than I do and puts a whole, whole lotta stock in bein’…pretty or handsome or what the hell ever.  Could I date a dude who spent more time gettin’ cleaned up and groomed to perfection than I do?  Fuck no. Deal Breaker.  Same goes for dudes with long nails, dudes who cannot change a tire, and dudes who figure women should be pretty nice smelling domestic goddesses and great hostesses 24/7/365.   And beleive it or not, some of the same shit other folk consider deal breakers- as in the big huge common ones?  I do too, but prolly to a lesser degree.  I can be friends with, even romantically involved with folk who drink, smoke, use drugs, watch porn, gamble (vices), and I am the same way if they are folk who are more on the virtue end of it (go to church regular, do community service, so on)- where it would become a problem with me is if any or all of that was too excess, an actual addiction, an all-consuming thing…so yeah, I figure that shit out first before gettin’ any kind of relationship- just friends or more than friends, straightened out first- and really, its not a bad thing to do….

But where I see the problems coming in with this kinda shit is when people have those deal breakers, don’t shoot straight about it, and then figure they can change the other party.  One, that shit never works, two, controlling as fuck, and three, kinda dishonest really.  I mean, lets say, theoretically of course and all, a nice sincere hard working clean as soap don’t drink don’t smoke, don’t do any of that shit fella found himself having a serious liking of oh, a somewhat foul mouthed mean tempered non-conventional gal who likes booze, speed, smokes, porn and all kinds of nefarious shit, but rather than saying flat out “Hey, I like you, but the shit you do is a deal breaker for me” and instead makes no mention of it, gets into a relationship with said gal, then starts bringin’ down the hardline?  Uh….boot!  WHY?  Because people are not “a cause” and the awesome power of anyones love ain’t gonna change folk, and well, I for one would not wanna be with someone who was a lying shit sack about it from the get go but figured once they got some hooks in me, they could then change me or the rules of engagement.  It’s underhanded, devious and even IF  (and yep, big IF), the person goes with this change of plan and agrees to the newly made deal breakers?  Pfft….95% of the time they are lyin’ through their teeth and will still do all the shame shit behind the Rule Changers Back.  If a clean-livin’ person gets into a relationship with a partier, and puts up with it until hooks are in and then changes the rules?  Well, sure, because the Partier is now invested in a relationship they might not do it around their S.O….but as soon as that S.O. is outta sight?  I bet ya fuckin’ pair of snake skin boots the Partier will get to partying.  That’s who they are, what they dig, how they roll…and the only person who can-or even has a right to change that shit up- is them.  Love don’t conquer all, and those who go in thinking it can?  Not only prolly in for a nasty shock- but basing the relationship off some lies to start with.  Folk shouldn’t say they are okay with crap they ain’t okay with in the first place, and changing up the rules?  Hell, that’s just controlling manipulative bullshit.  It can also lead folk gettin’ real angry and downright hateful towards the person who, oh, lied. 

Anyway-  been ill and got the insomnia in full effect- and that was what was on my mind this mornin’.  Fire at Will…