Unicorns and Other Mythical Creatures

Posted: July 6, 2011 in Humans, Kink/BDSM

So yeah, seems these days my brain doesn’t work unless someone else kicks it.  Today Hugo has a post up about BDSM- and as usual- the stereotypical assumption of male as sadist female as masochist seems to be whats what.  So after reading and commenting, I got to thinking about a post I had been pondering, but is a dicey one, even discussed the pros and cons with Joan, and well, fuck it.

In my personal life, I am a switch, when I did such things professionally, I only did them on the dominant level.   Personally, in all things sex related except BDSM, I prefer men, professionally- eh, I did not much care- which is to say I am straight in all forms of anything sexual except…BDSM.  And I am only not-straight in that aspect when I am the dominant/sadistic one.    And you know what?  I ain’t alone in that. Regardless of what anyone wants to tell you, women who prefer that side of the coin are not unicorns, are not all professionals, and very much do exisit.    They also deserve to be recognized.  I mean I swear to god- all the speculation aimed at sadists is always all about the men, and wondering if they can really be good guys or are two steps from serial killers, if they really just *like* hurting women, blah blah blah blah always and forever even on feminist spaces all about the fucking men.  It amuses and annoys the fuck outta me at the same time. 

And I smirk at this shit.  Hell, privately and professionally I have done some crazy shit, from using a dudes leg as an ashtray to, well, specifically being chosen to be the overly violent aggressor in someone elses rape fantasy.  That was actually my professional speciality.  And not all those people who have asked/paid me to- well- fantasy rape them- have been women. Have many?  Yes.  Have I had dudes, some for fun and some for money, who have in essence wanted me to make them my prison bitch for a few hours?  Yep.  And I will also say flat out I enjoy that shit- and NOT just cause its what they like or want to.  Nor do I personally care for the dress up in cool outfits light spanky tie up games either…if I am gonna hit someone…I’m gonna hit ’em. 

Does that make me a horrible vile person who folk should run screaming from or at least wonder about my motives?  Nahh…cause I totally don’t exist or have violent urges and fantasies and act ’em out with consenting people cause I don’t have  a dick!  (Well, not real one anyway…I got some fake ones that have drawn blood…but not the real thing- so, no matter!)

Pfft.  Humans.

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Comments
  1. kingschwarz says:

    Oh dear. Should we ever meet in person I promise not to hug you if in return you promise not to use my leg or any other body part as an ashtray. If there must be violence, let us order a mess of steamed crabs and tear them asunder. With PONB (pitchers of Natty Boh).

    • Ren says:

      i hate seafood

      • kingschwarz says:

        Steamed tofu for you then. I’ll take on the crustaceans solo. Where they are concerned, I am an overly violent aggressor indeed.

        • Ren says:

          lol dont like tofu either…they got chicken in new orleans, right?

          • kingschwarz says:

            Yeah dawlin’. The best fried chicken can be found after Sunday services at black churches . It is sometimes referred to as “the Gospel Bird.”

            • kingschwarz says:

              P.S. But you don’t have to go to church (though I recommend it for the unbelievably funky music and the fabulous hats) just to taste the Gospel Bird. A very good approximation is served at Creole soul food restaurants like L’il Dizzy’s and Dooky Chase. The best may be Willie Mae’s Scotch House. No wonder we all got de blood presh around here.

  2. rootietoot says:

    This is interesting, because is my very limited experience (mainly Lady Heather on CSI and the occasional “how did I get here?” when blog surfing) I’ve only seen women as the S in BDSM. While the general activity interests me not at all, pondering it tells me there’s NO WAY I’d let a man anywhere near me deliberately and on purpose for such activities. However, occasionally I can contemplate committing acts of violence on certain persons for purposes of deliberate humiliation, but i suspect that’s not quite the same thing.

  3. Roy Kay says:

    Meanwhile, I’m a top, not a TWUE DOM(R). I mainly get into the creative aspect of things. Fuck, I whistle and hum a tune when spanking a partner if it’s going to be any length of time. Last time I saw a lover from Ithaca, I was trying to think of the most percussive tune I had on my computer. It was “The Grinch”.

  4. Roy, I have been told that the Beatles “She’s a Woman” (original, with George really hitting the power chords) is the most percussive song you can find for this purpose. Just adding sex-gossip, I have not tested this myself or anything! 😛

    BTW, the guy who told me this, likes to be spanked to it. She’s a woman who understands/she’s a woman who loves her man…

  5. joankelly6000 says:

    Wheeee, my name mentioned in a Ren post! (no I don’t know why I always get such a kick out of stuff like that, but I see no reason to hide it, other than to protect people from the boring-ness of my excitement, but clearly I’m not above boring people for sport!)

    I do share the not-interested-in-light-play thing with you, on the occasions when I top men. Women, I have only topped a couple of times, and because the pro dommes *I* have bottomed to have mostly been so sensual about how they mixed sensations of all kinds (I hate the cliched simplicity of the idea of pain + pleasure = yay!), it’s made me feel like doing that for other women, on the rare occasions a couple of them wanted to bottom to me. Plus I’ll go ahead and say it – I love touching women, I love their softness, their curves, and I could just run my hands all over their bodies forever and not get tired of it, not have it automatically enter my head to do S/m stuff with them, so it pretty much takes a concerted effort on my part to ever do more than stroke and murmur my enjoyment of that, ha.

    But with men, I only ever do sessions now where I top men if they are either heavy corporal masochists already, or open to letting me use my skills of making heavier play feel like something they can’t get enough of. Otherwise, not a turn on for me.

    As far as the women-as-sadists-or-dominants thing, I don’t know how much of the skewed numbers are nature or nurture (I tend to feel it’s nurture but I’m a knee jerk radfem so what else would I say!), but it does seem from all of my own experiences that there are far more sexually submissive/masochistic women than men. Which is actually completely unrelated to the way that women who are into topping/who are sexually sadistic get treated in BDSM circles in general. Just because there may be 5 women who are sadists in a group of 50 women who are masochists is no reason to designate the 5 sadists as (in your words) unicorns or mythical creatures. I can’t tell you the number of dominant/sadistic women I’ve known who CONSTANTLY get the whole “you must really be a sub at heart, you just haven’t met the right dom yet,” blah blah pushy-fucking-paternalism thing from male tops. It’s so common.

    Now, this is the fault of no one other than those who lack critical thinking skills, but I know it contributes to those who lack such skills giving their own selves a pass on sloppy thinking…that there are many pro dommes, for instance, who ARE actually solely sexually submissive/masochistic in their personal lives. A lot of women in that field feel like they have to hide it, because male sub clients don’t want the illusion “ruined,” and god help me but I wish they would hide it better too. *If* they’re going to hide it at all I mean. Don’t hide it at all if you don’t want to, I support that wholeheartedly. I guess it’s just that I have always related more to self-identified sexually dominant women, in or out of the pro BDSM scene, and so I do get disappointed whenever any of them make a point of announcing it like it’s the best thing ever that they’re really NOT dominant. It’s my own bullshit issue – I just get all, “well goddamn, there are so few to start with, why’d we have to lose yet another one!!!” See what I mean? Selfish, my-own-issue. Anyway, glad for this post, thanks for it.

    • Ren says:

      hahaha Joan! YES YES YES to the most annoying fuckers on the planet being those stupid ass fuckin’ dom dudes who pull that “you must be a sub at heart and just haven’t met the right dom male yet” (and are sure they are the guy for the job often too) I HATE those fuckers. HATE ‘EM, and have been known to be really mean, snarky treat em like shit too because thier pretentious snot nosed arrogance all knowing bullshit makes my fuckin’ blood boil. It especially amuses me when they are these Oh So I try to be Sinister fucks who I could prolly break in half cause they are that skinny or outta shape or whatever. Its like “dude, if you can’t do 50 pushups, no fuckin’ way you could handle me- now go to a gym and cut yer damn finger nails!”

      ALSO right up with Those Fuckin’ Guys thou are the female doms who are so amazingly catty and better than thou that they will just RAG ON any other female who is dominant because she, oh, doesn’t dress right, or hav all the super high end gear or a play room in her basement or what the fuck else ever- the same kinda gals who would make fun of ya for not having the right expensive clothes and toys and shit when they were kids….and often- mean to say but true- a LOT of these particular brand of snot female doms? Uhhh….not the best lookin’ gals and truly physically incapable of dishing out too much so being a bitch and having the wardrobe/toys is ALL they got going for ’em. The sorts who are “in persona” ALL the fucking time when they are not at work and out ANYWHERE, even non BDSM arenas. You know the type?

      I’d like to lock THOSE dudes and THOSE women in a room together and just leave ’em there so the rest of us could get on with our perversity without ’em!

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