Archive for June 4, 2011

“Whale Wars”

Posted: June 4, 2011 in Morons, Television, Whaling

(a brief break from Sexism in Gaming)

Okay, so post back shot my back is feeling better, so I have been taking less drugs, but the taking of less drugs has had…an effect…on my stomach (all that pent up…yeah) so I have been feeling kinda GAHHH and spent the majority of last afternoon/evening on the floor, near the bathroom, watching….Whale Wars…

Now, I have admitted to my weakness of watching this show before, and last nite was the first show of the new season, and it’s not like I felt like actually moving, anywhere, at all, so yep, I tuned in, and same as the last few seasons I have been watching it- I root for the Japanese Fleet.   I admit it, I do…heck, I am not even sure WHAT my opinion on Whaling is….I mean, it would be a shame if the whales got hunted to extinction- I do believe that, but at the same time, you know, you don’t see the Sea Sheppard’s out there harassing Cattle Ranchers or Mink Farmers or trying to disable land based slaughter houses, and the crews on the Japanese Fleet Ships?  They are regular people trying to earn a living and put food on their own families plates- not…evil rapers of the ocean.   The Japanese Fleet are a buncha people trying to earn a living.  The Sea Sheppard’s?  Well…..

So, me having my sense of humor and all. whilst watching the show last nite, I found myself wishing for an ice-class ship (I hear the Russians are selling off seriously bad ass Ice Breaker Ships at really reasonable rates these days!) the following arose in my head…

Dear Japanese Fleet:

Hi, You don’t know me, but I am an American television viewer who has seen the show “Whale Wars”, in which the Sea Sheppard’s follow you guys around, throwing shit on your boats and screwing with your business, then whining like school children when you fight back- at all.  You might think I am about to chew you out like some whiny eco-terrorist fangirl, but no…because even if I don’t think whaling is an awesome idea, I cannot stand self-aggrandizing, lying, bloated media whores who will fake being shot and blame every ill they have caused to befall themselves and their crews upon other people.

So, yes, I managed to get my hands on an Ice Class ship, and I am sure I would be able to find enough other American Viewers who watch this show and root for you guys to man it, and thus I am offering to come down there in said ship with my snarky crew and…harass the fuck out of the Sea Sheppard’s while they are trying to harrass the fuck out of your Fleet.  Water cannons, prop foulers, paint balls, spud guns, butaric acid, the works, hell maybe even a few brazen boardings of their own vessels.  What do you say?  I can be paid off in “Full Metal Alchemist” merchandise and would love to help make that Lying Bloated Media Whore’s life a whole lot more difficult.  In fact, I wanna see that fucker cry on air.  

I imagine my first mate will be Stagger Lee, and she is ex-Army, so come on Japan, what do you say?

-sincerely
Your Biggest Fan
Ren 

(South Park did a fully awesome episode Mocking Whale Wars that I loved, and come on, the nerve of naming their newest ship Gojira? WTF!)