Archive for June, 2011

So, what did I do today?

Posted: June 30, 2011 in Awesome, Pain

Got up and went to the doc, who did another eipdural shot, but this time with the x-ray thing so he could REALLY see what he is doing….I think I like it better when he can’t.  That fuckin’ thing hurt, cramped up my leg, and well, STILL with the ow here…

But then, I got to do something cool.  What cool you ask?  Well, I got to go see President Obama leave the White House on Marine One…

Yep, this photo was taken with my Droid…

  So yeah, this is me recognizing the privilege I just had to do something that cool, the kinda thing most folk will never get to see up close like that.  It was really pretty neat to get to do that, even if my back DID hurt like heck the whole time.  I have some more photos, better ones even on my real camera, and I will post em soon enough, but yep, that’s what I did today- medical  ick followed by some serious most people will never get to do/see cool.

(side note, if you ever wanna scare people from your blog, put an animated gif of some anime psycho painting his face with blood right there on the front page…)

Moving on…Watch out, I am gettin’ Biblical…

No, I do not mean the movie “The Magnificent Seven”, which hey, would be a good topic, but I am rather stealing the title as it was used in “Supernatural” to discuss something else.  A topic of much speculation by everything from scholars to religious leaders, subject of countless artistic, literary and media depictions  (personal favorites being Full Metal Alchemists and that Truly Creepy movie with Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt…”Se7en”)…..ah yes, lets dig on in with The Seven Deadly Sins.

So yeah, last night after reading some truly over the top morally superior comments elsewhere from those kinds of christians who make the good ones look bad- you know, from the sorts of holy and god-fearing folk who have apparently forgotten “do unto others” and “judge not lest ye be judged” or well, just figure that sort of holy advice given unto humanity doesn’t apply to them- yeah, well, I went to bed where I could not sleep right away because my back sucks eggs in hell, and I got to thinking about the Seven Deadly Sins and such.  Now, aside from loving depictions of ’em in everything from TV to comics, I also think having doses of Seven Deadly is not necessarily bad for a person, all things in moderation and all, but yeah, I could not sleep so I got to thinking about the Seven Deadlies and how they fall in order for me.., and well, I am bored and don’t have much else on my mind to write about at the moment, so I’ll share.

Wrath:  Um, yeah, far and away Wrath is the one I suffer from the most.  Sometimes it serves as a good motivator, but yep, sometimes just being full o’ wrath for no reason does get old.   I once had someone ask me if I had always been so angry.  And I honestly stopped and thought about it.  And the answer?  Yep, I sorta always have.  Me and Wrath there?  We are totally on a first name bases so yeah, without question, my number one of the Seven.

Envy:  Yep, I have this one in spades too, and I figure it probably comes from growing up without much, but yes, Envy I got.  I don’t much envy other people for who they are, but more for what they have…I totally fail at that “thou shall not covet thy neighbors goods” shit.  Heck, I envy people for having everything from straight teeth to time and money for cool vacations to nice houses to cool guns.  So yeah, while Wrath is king, Envy is up there too.

Greed:  This would prolly be my number three.  I kinda figure it goes hand in hand with the whole Envy being number two thing.    I am not exceptionally greedy, like I am sorta exceptionally wrathful and envious, but yeah, I have my moments.  And it is not even for the worldy goods kinda stuff, but like….If I am asleep, I refuse to get up first, or if someone gets ME something like a new video game or, hell, a box of snickers bars, I am REAL reluctant to share until I have had my fill of it, or if I have a free day, I only wanna do what I wanna do…things like that.

Pride:  Now see, Pride is a tricky one, because I think in moderation, Pride is totally not a bad thing.  If Pride falls into an area where it is self-confidence and knowledge that you do various things well, then I think it is good.  If it edges over into flat-out arrogance and the thought that one is better at everything than others, then it is not good.  There is a line there, and one that not all folk- even me included sometimes- manage to stay on one side of.    But, I will admit, in the most basic sense, I do have a sense of Pride and I do take Pride in things I do well.  Like, I am Proud to be the Leader in my CoX group and have to most high level toons.  I am Proud that at age 39 and even with some pretty screwy medical stuff, I have a flat stomach.  I am Proud that I was the One to be first in my family to get through college-in four years- with two degrees…..shit like that.  Is it bad?  I guess it could be. 

Lust:  Some of y’all prolly expected this one to be higher on my list, and a few years back, it might have been, but well, things change.  Now, can I still want to fall madly into bed with someone cause I find them physically attractive?  Yep, I sure can, but it really is more like a passing thought than something that is harbored deep down in my heart or whatever, and I guess in an over all sense, already having the Greed and Envy thing up there sorta covers some of my Lust things too- in the wider sense, like, I have Lust for a nicer house, not so much for things like sex and physical awesomeness in the sack with people.  So, I have some, sure, but it ain’t top three levels.

Gluttony:  This is not a big one for me.  Do I over indulge in things sometimes?  Sure…but not often, and when I do, it is not out of a desire to do so but more often by mistake. I am not the person who orders the large whatever when I really only need the small one to fill my stomach, I do not buy more than what I will use or need, I am not by nature a wasteful person at all, and thus, I don’t really ever see the point of being truly gluttonous intentionally….ever. 

Sloth:  I actually do not suffer from this one- willingly- often at all.  I’m not a particularly lazy person ever, and the fact that I currently due to medical shit have to be sorta lazy is driving me batshit insane.  Sloth is not something I have issues with at all, or really feel I have much at all in that Seven Deadly way.  Being forced into inactivity by medical shit is not the same thing as willingly indulging in it- so yeah, Sloth and Me?  We’re not buddies.  Do I in any sorta health sometimes have a lazy day?  Sure, but that’s usually because I have been busting my ass for however many days prior to that lazy one. 

So there you have it:  Ren’s Ranked Seven Deadly Sins.  Who knows, maybe I will do the Virtues next….and well….there’s mine….what about y’all?


* and yes, for a Jew, I do know a lot about this stuff, in fact, I am extremely familiar with Catholicism- I went to a Catholic School even and have lots of Catholic friends and family…


Claire, bringing new meaning to face painting...

So, for reasons from everything from physical to family related, I feel like crap and had a crap day…which means I was pathetic and hid out in my basement watching television while being a useless lump.  But Vlad, the recommender of anime I will like, suggested I watch “Baccano” today, so I did, and while I didn’t care for it as much as Full Metal, it was entertaining and had some characters in it I liked a lot:  namely Clarie Stanfield, Luck, and Ladd Russo…but yeah, Claire (who is a dude, oddly enough with that name) was my fav., which hey, if you’ve seen it, prolly isn’t a huge suprise. 

Cool show, but violent as heck and rather gory as a heads up.

Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.

So yeah, I went there via Hugo’s to see the wound licking and whining.  I admit it.  Blah blah blah.  Read the comments…so, now, to answer the burning question:  No, I am not Liz.  In fact, I gottta comment from Liz in my pending folder I ain’t yet decided to publish or not, because well, she asked me a lot, and I mean a lot, of personal shit about being a sex worker that stuck me, creepiest freak around, as….creeepy.  Above and beyond the oh so personally violating college question and shit.  AND, well, since according to Rad Fem Legend, I am a completely arrogant, unhinged narcissist and sociopath, if I WAS gonna go “chat” with Meghan, I’d use my own damn screen name, and I am sure I would be moderated, and, actually, I do not go to rad fem blogs and comment unless it’s been said its okay for me to do so: so yeah, that’s like one Rad Fem blog total?  I long ago realized it was fuckin’ futile to try and discuss with these people on their own damn turf-‘ cause ya get gangbanged, the bad kind, with no kiss no lube and no reach around – that is IF you make it outta moderation in tact.  So, no…it’s not me.   Hell Meghan, Liz didn’t even call ya Cupcake, Cupcake and was WAY fuckin’ more polite than I ever woulda been to your pretentious patronizing ass!  So, there you go.

BUT, in case Liz is still reading here: Try this on for some answers-

NO, it is unlikely the two sides can ally to help women who want out of the sex industry out because it is real fuckin’ hard to work with anyone who makes a damn national pastime outta dehumanizing, patronizing and basically being douchebags to you- and that’s what a lotta rad fems DO to sex workers and their advocates.  Even if it is in the name of a better thing or whatever, well, a lot of folk simply will not work with other folk who treat ’em like fuckin’ garbage left in the sun to rot.   Even if this side tries, we get shit on, so, why keep trying?  It’s like smashing yer head into a dashboard repeatedly.

The Reason They Distort and Misuse the Facts is because they will do fuckin’ anything: lie, slander, tap dance, move goal posts, spin, whine, threaten (and I mean the real deal- not that shit Meghan was whining about) and all kinds of shady shit to champion their precious righteousness.  Plain and simple.  They don’t give a fuck about actual facts or bullshit bias in their crap reasearch so long as they can make it or spin it to say what they want…and they will never fuckin’ own up to it cause they are fanatics with a cause and the cause matters more than the actual truth.  Admitting it is bullshit would take guts (lacking), and thinking (lacking), and reconsidering of their tactics (lacking).  See, they won’t just engage and actually answer up to little old meany cursing hot head me- they won’t fuckin’ do it with anyone.

So, there ya go, Liz.  Hope yer satisfied.





As y’all may have noticed, I’ m not exactly shy or uncomfortable bein’..nekkid.  You can’t be nekkid for a living if you have issues with shyness and stuff.  But I have discovered a realm wherein the men? Uh, no, not having it, not having them around, not goin’ with they have the equality and right too…yep, not havin’ it.  And it’s kinda funny considering…

After all, I do not much care if any of my doctors are male or female, including my Obgyn  (current one is actually a dude).  I don’t care when making porn if the person holding the camera and yeah, er, right up in there, is a man or a woman- I’ve worked with both.  Tattoos?  I don’t care if my artist is a man or a woman….but…when I go and get waxed, as in, the dreaded and insanely painful Brazilian- which I do not only cause the Pat tells me and all, but because I have come to loathe body hair and dammit, it is summer and hotter than the hinges of hell in full humidity here…well yeah, when it comes to the waxing?  Uh, the person I am paying to rip hair outta my body has got to be  woman.  Granted,I have never heard of, much less seen a male waxer…anyone I know who gets waxed, female or male, well, the waxers are all women, but should I show up at the salon sometime and the waxer was a guy?  I could not do it.  Nope, no way.  I just couldn’t pay a dude to rip hair outta any part of my body, especially well, that part.   I can see a male obgyn and do porn and get inked by and be comfortable nekkid around men folk, even sleep with them and all….but no way in hell I could get waxed by a dude…

and I cannot even explain why.  It would just make me insanely uncomfortable.  So, there ya have it- when it comes to waxing, I am a reverse sexist asshole. 


As an Aside, Social Networking-

Posted: June 21, 2011 in Blogging

Okay, because folk seem to Face Book or Tweet Or Tumblr or whatever and link to me and stuff- I am taking the opportunity now to say:

I do not have an FB page.

I have Twitter Account I NEVER use and actually forgot the password on.

I am not even sure what Tumblr is. 

I do not PLAN to have a FB page,  I do not plan to get back on Twitter, and I do not plan to find out what Tumblr is.  No desire to, frankly, at all.  Thusly, if you link to or say I should look at your FB page, I can’t.  So on, so forth.

I blog.  Here, and at My LJ “the beast of the east“.  That’s pretty much it. Group blogs I used to be a part of or occasionally guest post on?  I don’t do that any more either.  This and the LJ are pretty much it.  I realize I am prolly one of the last people on earth without an FB page (heck, my almost 70 year old dad has one), and I have to admit I kinda find Twitter the height of unbridled narcissism, but yeah, there it is.

I blog.  I like the format and FEEL of blogging.  I like to write, put up pictures, have conversations, all that- I also like that well, here on Word Press I am not gonna have people I freakin’ hated back in High School sending me friend requests and all that crap. 

IF I ever break down and get a FB page or whatever or start tweeting so on, I will alert ya- but don’t hold your breath.

Okay, in the last couple days I have had folk ask/discuss with me/comment about how, well, I seem so angry and curse a lot and shit of that nature.  And yes, sometimes, it apparently is much like shooting myself in the foot, but you know, I am almost willing to bet, just from past history and previous experiences, that if I had been nice and sweet and mellow to Meghan on that thread…my questions and concerns still would have been ignored, talked around, not addressed, and remained hanging there unanswered.  Why?  Well this ain’t exactly my first time to this sorta dance, and in the past, even when nice as pie, well, no answers.  Deflection.  Galloping Goal Posts…and why yes, heaps and heaps of patronization and assumptions and other assorted foolery.   Would Meghan have been any different if I had not blown up at her?  I dunno.  Maybe, but I kinda think no because she has ignored the questions and comments and theories which are not in line with her own mode of thinking from people on that thread who were civil and polite to her, and well, it seems to be the typical nature of the beast, as it were.  These folk do not like to be challenged, regardless of civility, and thusly will not directly engage unless they have utter control over the spin, discourse and level of hostility-or are forced to, like in an actual debate setting, but even then the majority will tap dance like hell to keep you off their asses with actual fact and the views of people who actually work in the sex biz and do not just study it.  Simply put, they ignore being questioned by anyone who is not one of their own, and will do just about anything to not have to answer the hard questions.  Been there, done that, have all the notes & headaches.

So I then ask the folk who ask about me being angry and hostile? Well, why the hell wouldn’t I be?  You can only be dismissed, patronized, presumed about, lied about, distorted, and generally treated like shit by these sorts so many times before, well, you get angry.  Very Angry.  You can only hear the same dehumanizing, infantilizing, broken record bad reasearch bullshit before you say “fuck this, I am done being civilized with people who obviously think of me and people like me akin to crap”.   You can, in short, only take so much.  And I sorta wonder if the folk who are saying “you shouldn’t get so angry” would say that if it was THEM being treated like that, addressed like that, and why yes, condescended to like that all the damn time.  I wonder if they had to put up with this crap, 24/7, seven days a week, 365 days a year, for x amount of years, if they would dare question why I get so angry.  Let me tell y’all something, true beleivers….I LONG ago gave up on other people being willing to stand up for me or defend me or say hey, that anger of yours, it’s  justified.  You know who I can rely on to stand up for me and challenge this shit and not say “oh, don’t take it so serious” or “oh it’ not really that important” or “oh, you shouldn’t get angry about it’?


Me.  Yep, that’s right, just me.   So, do not tell me not to get fuckin’ angry….or try being dehumanized, patronized, condescended to, lied about, and all that other good fucking shit 24/7, seven days a week, 365 days a year for awhile….then come back and tell me why again that it shouldn’t piss me off.  I dare you. 

Anger isn’t necessarily bad, y’all.  It reminds you that you are in fact alive, and yep, serves and One Hell of a Motivator.

Little Things

Posted: June 20, 2011 in Awesome, FullMetal

So, yes, when I am in a bad mood for whatever reasons, from my evil spine to, well, anti porn people, I do that thing I do and think about little things that make shit better.

Well, as y’all know, I am a big fan of Full Metal Alchemist, and my favorite characters IN Full Metal are hero Roy Mustang and villain, Envy…  So, Vlad knowing how much I like Full Metal, Roy, and Envy…well, check it out:

  I now via Vlad have Roy and Envy right here on my desk, glaring at each other from opposite sides of my monitor- which is SO full of awesome.  And see, this is not a huge thing, but it is a win anyway, because whenever I get annoyed or pissed off or whatever, well, I can just sit down at my desk and have Roy and Envy there to amuse me and be a small dose of cool in my day.

So, thanks Vlad!


WHAT however is up with the stupid links to stupid shit that I DID NOT put in this post?  How do I MAKE THEM go AWAY?  Annoying!

A Manifesto, as It were….

Posted: June 20, 2011 in Sex Work

I am a sex worker.

I am involved in the sex industry.

I actually do the job.

I am not a prostituted person, and there is a difference.

I am not trafficked, I am not underage, I am not a slave, I was not forced to be here.

I have made a choice to be here.

People like me are not included in Anti-Sex Industry Studies.

People like me, though we actually do the work, are not welcome in Anti-Sex Industry Circles.

No one gets to tell me what choices I do or do not have.

No one gets to  tell me when I have been raped or when I have not.

No one gets to decide when I am being abused and when I am not.

The ultimate authority on and thus the only voice that should matter when it comes to any of those things is me, and my voice.

I do not live under some false conciousness. I know quite well the realities of my life, my choices, and my profession.

It is wrong for others to make assumptions regarding anything about me, from my past to my present.

I am one of the faceless women other people assume they can talk about, read about, learn about, write books and papers about- often without so much as speaking to any of us.

I have my own voice, and I will use it.

I will not sit back and be quiet while others make assumptions about us, money off us, and laws for us without even considering us.

I will not allow others to walk all over us while saying they have our best interests in mind.

I am one of many, cis women, trans women, men, who want more respect and consideration than we have now and more respect and consideration than anyone-save ourselves- seems willing to give us.

I am the true authority on my life, my situation, my work, and all it entails, above and beyond anyone who claims otherwise.

I deserve the same basic human respect and consideration as anyone else.

I am a sex worker.

So yeah, I sacked the old joint cause I got sooo verrry tired of this shit, and I am not gonna make a habit of rehashing all that old shit yet again, but yep, time to reiterate some simple and plain as day fact.

A great many Anti-Porn Radical Feminists (not all, but enough) are so amazingly mind boggling in so many ways it is both infuriating and hilarious.  For instance, let us take a typical way many (not all) APRF’s come at engagement- not the marrying kind, but the debate/discourse kind:

1)  State their opinion as iron clad fact and set themselves up as authorities on the topic when their actual experience is lacking, much of their research is not original and drawn from seriously flawed studies, and broke no challenge to it.

2) Ignore all words, facts, statements from those who are also versed in the subject material but do not agree with their version, disregard testimony and input with those who do have hands on knowledge that does not line up with their world view. * some women are more equal than others

3) Engage in amazing amounts of dealing in double standards:  they are allowed to be rude, patronizing, dismissive, presumptive, and hostile, but then… WHY YES….whine like spoiled little school girls when treated in a manner which is less than stellar by those whom they have treated like garbage.  *some women are more equal than others

4) WHEN asked questions about their methods, research, stances, plans, or any other such thing, they do not EVER answer directly, refuse to answer, OR, if hostility is in the air- UTTERLY IGNORE the topic or questions of interest in order to, why YES, whine like spoiled little school girls about how badly they have been treated by those mean nasty people whom they treated like garbage first. *some women are more equal than others!

5) When PRESSED to actually engage and defend their Precious Precious points and “facts” and stances, they basically stick their fingers in their ears and scream “I don’t have to defend my VISIONARY AWESOMENESS from you!  I am smarter and better than you, and I know the really real truth and you don’t, oh yeah, and you were meaaaaannnn to me!  WAAAAAA!

Smirk, fuckin hell y’all, and these people are gonna bring down the Patriarchy and Change The World?  For real?  If they are this freakin’ pathetic when faced with ONE angry, caustic 5’2″ 100 pound woman, I seriously wonder what the hell they would ever do facing down a whole slew of men, with guns, money and power?  Oh yeah, I know….run screaming like a bunch of spoiled school girls. 

I mean, come on, okay, I know- I am mean, caustic, sarcastic, blah blah blah blah.  Horrible of me, I know…but for real, not once, even when I AM being nice, have I ever gotten a simple straight answer about ANY fucking thing that challenges or pokes holes in their precious theory.  NOT ONCE.  I mean come on, basic shit here, REALLY EASY questions, and if they are so sure they are right? Why the whining, deflection and terror?

-what is the plan for ending the sex biz?

-any idea how the results of the research you love to quote comes about?

this is NOT astrophysics here, really.  Man I love me some anointed by the moon goddess untouchable, unquestionable, apparently sacred and holy rad fem theory which is above all challenge and debate and is unfit for the eyes or consumption or reading of by us unwashed masses who are so in need of saving from everything and everyone- including ourselves.  THAT must be it…the Devine Theory is Above Sullied Mortal Scrutiny….

Either that, or they know caustic mean oh so horrible scary people like me could blast that shit apart faster than Jesse James with an Uzi.


I guess theory number two….and don’t forget, with this lot, some women are OBVIOUSLY more equal than others, and being treated with respect when treating others like garbage is only for The Special Keepers of the Theory…and if you DARE not heed this law….expect whining, bullshit, distortion and lies.  Pfft, and these women wonder why so many people give ’em shit?  Hell, ya reap what ya sew and all that.  Come to think of it….they have a lot of shit in common with Cults, really.

Opps, there I go doing that horrible mean venting again.  Shame on me!