Funny thing is…

Posted: April 5, 2011 in Drugs & Rock n Roll

I am like this when I am STONE COLD SOBER:
 

If you’re vacuuming at 6am, you might be a tweaker
If you have more than one disabled vehicle in your yard, you might be a tweaker
If your desk drawer has not one intact Bic pen in it, you might be a tweaker
If you buy Reynolds wrap in bulk, you might be a tweaker
If people love your goth eyemake up, and you’re not wearing any, you might be a tweaker
If you are asked to pick up ice for the BBQ and you have to make phone calls, you might be a tweaker
If someone says “paranoid” and you get defensive, you might be a tweaker
If your 4 main food groups are nothing, nothing, nothing, and Snickers, you might be a tweaker
If you wax and  then spend hours using tweezers on the missed spots, until you realize have no body hair left, you might be a tweaker
If you make fun of people for sleeping, you might be a tweaker
If you have ever spraypainted anything, ever, because, you might be a tweaker
If you like bad dreams like a good scary movie, you might be a tweaker
If you think a good friday night out is a home depot run, you might be a tweaker.
If you are amazed at all the “good %+!%” people throw away, you might be a tweaker
If you shop at Wal-Mart at 3 AM because “it is less crowded”, you might be a tweaker
If it takes you three hours to get somewhere it should have taken 10 minutes to reach, you might be a tweaker
If you go to a friend’s house and start washing their dishes, you might be a tweaker
If you think going hunting at 3 am is a great idea, you might be a tweaker
If you have a tackle box full of beads and  %+!% to dig around in, and you never leave home without it, you might be a tweaker.
If you stay up all night gettin spun and you are still late for events of the next day, you might be a tweaker
If the first thing you do when you get into your hotel room is take apart the bed and put the matress over the window and the springs infront of the door, you might be a tweaker
If you say that nothing good happens after midnight, yet you are still out and about, you might be a tweaker
If you wake up in your car in the middle of nowhere and think “how long have I been asleep?”, you might be a tweaker
If your porn is alphabetically organized and sorted by genre, you might be a tweaker
If you can’t remember for the life of you what day it is, you might be a tweaker
If your house is cleaner than you are, you might be a tweaker.
If you watch t.v. and start to pick out the people that you JUST KNOW do dope, you might be a tweaker
If you know how to rig a trip wire to a shotgun, and think its a good idea to have one on every door in your house, you might be a tweaker
If you’re the one in the store with the cart upside down fixing the wheels, you might be a tweaker. 
If your freinds know giving you a line and a bottle of 409 is cheaper than hiring a maid service, you might be a tweaker.

+if you are reading this on a four way split screen so you can also see the security monitors you have pointed on your door, your back yard, and your neighbors house?  You might be a tweaker….

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Comments
  1. Sheniver says:

    Whistles…. Hey some of those fit me and I am soo NOT a tweaker…. (not ocd enough)

  2. Stone Fox says:

    LOVE this!! thanks for the laugh 🙂

  3. Joan Kelly says:

    If someone says “paranoid” and you get defensive, you might be a tweaker

    I don’t know why this is the one that made me laugh the most, but it was. I love your postings lately. Not that I didn’t love your postings farther(further?) back. You know what I’m saying.

    • Ren says:

      Speed Freak Me is FAR more entertaining…..

      People call me paranoid JUST to watch my reaction…and it took me like a year to figure that shit out lol.

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