Things I must do before I die…

Posted: April 30, 2010 in Personal, Uncategorized

Apparently, I am funny.  Now granted, you have to have…ahem…a certain type of sense of humor to find me so, but if you do…yeah…funny.

Today whilst stuck in NVA/DC/SMD traffic for 3 and a half FUCKING HOURS I was apparently, both to those in the car and those, er, on the phone, a virtual font of funny.  Now, to me, flashing  fire arm to people who consistantly and without warning, wave, or ANY sense of decorum attempt to merge into your lane- at the last minute, your car be damned- is not funny….it is merely a warning of consquences to come should they continue on with their rude behavior.  I wasn’t even actually DOING this, just saying how it might detract from road rage and send a clear message that, no, you do NOT get to be the FOURTH fucking car to cut in front of me in traffic.

Just a nod, flash the gun, let them know their…er…lack of comportment…has been noted and actions have consequences.

Apparently this was, to those of us who live here and heard about my theory…fuckin’ hysterical.


So I think mayhaps before I die, I should try one of those open mic comedy night things….



  1. dead_vladimir says:

    I’ve thought that theory before, and it ties into the fact that people never respect you the way they should, they don;t know if we’re all psychos or not, but that goes both ways. Flash a gun at the right person, and you could end up dead, because well, some people tkae that shit personal

  2. Lisa KS says:

    I was so going to leave a comment a few threads below this one but the 53 others there scared me off! I can’t sit at the computer that long yet, dammit. But I bet I can by the end of the weekend.

    And Yes, you are funny. 😀 Evilly funny, but still, funny. Did you ever see the movie “Heathers?”

  3. Bane says:

    Wait, what? Like, an actual gun? Or you flipped them off? Cause, you know, one is appropriate, and one is fucking crazy?

    Apparently y’all are from a different locale than me. You don’t “display” a gun. You shoot people, or you don’t. If people know you have a gun, and you haven’t used it, it means you’re not going to, which makes you a target, not a threat.

    Some idiot waving a gun means they are, you know, an idiot. Some idiot pointing a gun, and it becomes roller derby right the fuck now. Showing somebody a gun means you’re counting on them being a pussy, which, I dunno, seems really, really stupid. At what point did “If you have a weapon, be ready to use it.” fall out of the vernacular?

    • Ren says:

      Ahem, there were NO actual guns involved…this was Stuck In Traffic Ranting, which, ahem, could make for an amusing comedy sketch….I repeat…No Actual Guns Involved.

      Now, in groups of friends, why yes, we do show one another our guns. Unloaded, you know, to admire and ponder and consider for buying ourselves at later dates. We might clean them together, or go to a range (or out into the middle of nowhere) and shoot them and all, even pose for photos with them and all….

      But why yes, we do know that if one is going to POINT or WAVE a gun at someone, they best be ready to use it.

    • Bane says:

      And it’s not even an urban thing. I went to Portland, OR, and we were downtown where shit was going down, and the guy who was from there, saw what I had with me, and he was like, “Yo, don’t pull that out unless you need it.” It’s weird to me how different parts of the country can have such strong cultural differences. I kind of thought redneck was a universal language, like that Jeff Foxworthy bit about how all rednecks have the same accent. But I guess that’s not the case.

  4. rootietoot says:

    It’s funny because people pretty much universally wish we could do it. Even the Associate English Professor in his Prius probably has a moment. True comics are simply saying what the rest of us are thinking.

  5. Roy Kay says:

    Do it. Even if it falls flat as comedy, your knack for story telling will be a hit.

    Me? I’ve always wanted to rig my car rook with a turret with a flamethrower. I figure one squirt along the broadside might be sufficient to convey my sentiments.

  6. Amber Rhea says:

    That would be so cool!

  7. rootietoot says:

    I want a Battle Mech.

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