Archive for March 20, 2010

Quite a Character…

Posted: March 20, 2010 in Humans, In The Neck, Personal

 So, yeah, here I am, a week + a little since my surgery.  What, with the goggles (thanks Vlad!), hair that hasn’t been washed since…er…the surgery (stitches gotta stay dry and all), smirk, and scars that literally now have…er…scars, I figure I gotta be a real eye sore unless you’re, ahem, into that whole Tremor Brother thing…hell, I feel a bit like I escaped from one of my own stories, actually….though I might require more ink to pull that shit off…heh.

But you know, for a gal with disturbingly greasy hair and a seven inch gash in her neck, I feel pretty good.  Shit, I’ve been attempting to be civil and make reasonable with some folk I would generally just go ballistic on.  Despite the fact that I am itchy as hell, glaring down the Moon Hut of the She-Wolf sister, and dealing with other various pressure causing crap, I am, in general, in a pretty decent mood.  Normally I would say it’s the pain killers, but I really have not been taking a ton of those- certainly not enough to make me I drank the kool-aid happy anyway. 

So I am kind of wondering what it is.  I mean, not that I’m complaining, but its… weird.  It’s a very different state from normal for me.  I mean yeah, sure, I still get angry and ranty and snide and ponder doing horrible things to people with automatic weapons…but it’s not been my default setting here lately.   I’ve been surprisingly…serene.  Yeah, that’s a good word: serene.   Hell, I don’t expect it to last, I rarely expect anything good to, but yeah, I’m kinda enjoying it.

And of course, with the mellow comes the pondering and all…

Blog title post…how many of you have heard that expression?  “S/He’s quite a character?”  You ever note that it’s usually not a compliment?  I mean, there can be a good spin to it; that person is funny, or entertaining, or what have ya, but usually there is also the implication that said person is also an asshole, or not real in some way, or is, well, off?    Heh, well, I’ve heard that expression a lot in my day.  It was one of those things teachers would write in my year books and shit…usually number two right behind what “an interesting” person I was.   And well, I am an asshole, but still…  you know, I actually spent parts of my life trying to tone shit down and be like other people-  talk about a depressing and soul killing experience.  It honestly irks me that we as a society encourage that shit.   I mean, at least when I go out with my gross hair and goggles and scars upon scars and shit, I know who the fuck I am.   I can look in a mirror at all that shit and grin.  I can not care that I don’t have the perfect this season hair cut or perfect skirt and sweater combination and the perfect make up and nice skin and straight teeth and all that shit.  I mean, in a world of that?  Hell yes, fuck it is better to be a character…and I look way cooler with a chainsaw! 

And sure, people look at me funny…but you know, I could be dressed in LL Bean and as soon as I opened my mouth people would look at me funny anyway.  I look around at people I know- people my age- and part of me thinks “When did you all die?  When did you become every single thing you hated?  When did you give up each and every one of your dreams just to fit in and be normal and accepted…when did the fucking Body Snatchers come for you?”   If that shit makes me a character, then damn, I’ll see you in cartoons, you know?

I realize as one gets older, life changes, people change, things have to be done differently.  It happens to all of us in one way or another- what I do not get is trashing everything to be…just like everyone else.

That scares the hell out of me.    I’ll take the greasy hair, goggles and scars, please…even if it does keep me out of all the nice parties.