Archive for January 22, 2010

As Promised…

Posted: January 22, 2010 in Pain, Personal, Uncategorized

You know, there has been a lot of talk about privilege here lately….you know what?  I, nihilist, am very privileged.  Wanna know why?

I’m alive.  And maybe i shouldn’t be.  Y’all have heard me talk about “the burns” and “magic stabby game”…well here, I have something to show you….

Then  (july 2008)

Now:

That is over a years worth of shots, debraiding, skin treatments, and pain…with a major neck surgery still on the table.  Yeah, those are my oozing, melted, scary tendons and flesh you do see there,  yeah, those are bloody rips you see in my face, yeah, those are my burned nasal passages you see…and then that, via my mad cool doc, is how I look now.  Kinda amazing, isn’t it?  And thats before she cuts me open again….(yah, still some internal/external damage).

So yeah, you know, I am privileged to be ALIVE.  True enough, some days, after that, I feel un-killable, but yes, I know I am lucky.

And you know…when people ask me…why do you fight, why do you laugh at the world and everything (good, bad, sane or stupid) in it….hell, why do you go with that whole upbeat acceptance of meaninglessness…

Why?

Well, that shit taught me to enjoy the little things, because you know, I could be dead.  It is also a reason I smirk when people act all tough with me and assume I know nothing about pain or suffering.

Funny that.  Hell, the last year +, I probably learned more about physical pain than most people figure out in a life time.