Humm…I suppose the simple truth is…

Posted: November 4, 2009 in Humans, Personal

I relate better to men.  I was thinking about this today, pondering, as it were.  No secret, my best friend is a man.  In fact, most of my really close  RL friends (oh, like all but two of them) are men.  Not sure why exactly this is, but it is.  We have interests in common- sports, muscle cars, action movies.  I mean, aside from Jill and my mother, I do not know too many women who are willing to sit around and talk football with me for hours, or who actually care about the divine glory that is a Classic GTO, Impala, Charger, or Fury.  I don’t think I know another woman who actually liked “Fight Club”.   When I say things or feel things like, well, sometimes the only response, let alone the only reasonable or viable response is to jack someone in the mouth…a lot of women might secretly nod in their heads but they won’t come out and say it.  A lot of women do not get that it is okay to be angry.  They don’t vocalize how some stuff is just damn well justified. Men?  They will, they do.  Men, you can say stuff to men and they often take it at face value without needing to pry and eviscerate looking for some deep reason for whatever.  So often times yeah, way easier, far more simple,  for me to relate to and get along with men…

And damn hard to relate to and get a long with women.  This difficulty of mine, what, with the getting of my own biological sex has earned me some strange looks over the years.  Caused me to be seen as thoughtless or callous, alien, strange, scary and dangerous- as if I have some great disconnect from Tribe Woman or whatever….but you know, I am not so sure I was ever really part of that tribe to start with.  I don’t necessarily speak the language.  I have…er…biology in common with them….other things, not so much. 

And you know, I don’t see this as a good thing or a bad thing, merely just the way things are.

  1. see Now my best friend is a woman. ANd while i have some close guy friends, i can think of at least one other woman besides my Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious who means a lot to me, and I feel close to. I think people make way too big a deal about friendships across genders, and also way too big a deal out of fitting into a cookie cutter mold of gender.

    Thimnk you are totally on the mark aobut the anger. There’s a saying, Men never forgive but forget and women forgive but never forget and that sums up the anger issues. Guys can blow up and go ape shit, but then it’s passed they’ve worked it out. Women as a generality tend to be more self contained, and internalize it more, denying themsleves the catharsis anger can bring, and hence the wound stays raw and opened, festering below the surface for a lot longer.

    • should read “besides my Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious best friend”

    • though you might be wrong about guys not needing to see a deep reason, I think we do, but often times we trust our internal opinion and don;t need to drag it out/ analyze it. We see a behavior, analyze our evidence right or wrong.come to a conclusion and then act on it, not needing the reassurance of the other person telling us we figured it out right. Of course this method has it’s downsidesd too, as we are frequently wrong in the motives we abscribe to people

    • rootietoot says:

      I never forgive…or forget. Just sometimes my upbringing kicks in and I pretend to.

      And the anger thing? yes to the cartharsis.

      I’ve always wondered how men can call each other things and beat each other up then have a beer after and laugh about it. It’s one of the things I like best about y’all. My best friend(also a woman) and I can do that with each other (ok, not literally) because we have 25 yr history, but if someone pisses me off or I think they’re being lame, that’s it for them. I have trouble respecting someone I can’t respect. Or something like that.

  2. I don’t think I know another woman who actually liked “Fight Club”.

    You know me. 🙂

    But seriously, I know what you mean. Most of my closest friends, with notable exceptions, are dudes.

  3. rootietoot says:

    oh and the beauty of the late ’60’s Chevrolet…’tis probably the finest year for automotive design. (sighs happily)

  4. rachel cervantes says:

    I dunno, Ren, we get on decently, dont’ we?

    Odd question for me to ponder. I am a woman, I love women, and my best friend is a man. I think it’s more the person than the gender.

    About the anger thing, it is true women are raised to not admit/allow/express anger. I get real disapproval when I am open about my feelings.

    Go figure.

  5. Roy Kay says:

    You can pretty much find any illustrative stereotype you want.

    FWIW – I tend to see as “manly” a controlled, slow to anger approach, sometimes called “strong and silent type”. Anger spooks me and I usually figure “That’s one pin-less hand grenade I don’t want to be around.” YOUR anger doesn’t, though, largely because you have gotten slammed so much I figure you have the right to your own set of nuclear launch codes.

    Meanwhile, almost all my friends are women – generally independent minded non-tribal women, what the Genderborg would call “women who act like men”. Customarily they have a strong respect for the rights of others to their own destiny, free enjoyment of their sensuality, and don’t capitulate to the roles cultural “leaders” prescribe for them. That calls into question the entire RadFem construct of what women properly should be, i.e. “interdependent” and submissive to the masses, as dictated to by the RadFem leadership.

  6. Caroline says:

    I’ve got one female best friend who I trust completely but we don’t often sit and talk about the deep stuff much. We walk around, drink together and talk about stuff we like and that matters, but there’s only analysis if there needs to be.

    But on the whole I prefer the dudes. They’re pretty to look at too.

  7. Stone Fox says:

    i liked fight club. thought it was pretty cool.

    also, i like being angry. i like the burn that yelling and flailing gives me. not that i generally seek out things that make me angry, as i also like to be at peace in myself, too.

    i don’t really get on well with men or women – my husband has told me that others have told him that i come across as a bitch. my sister in law thinks i’m pretty cold. i am completely unbothered by being thought of as bitchy or cold. sometimes i think other women look at me and think, ‘wtf?’

    they really just don’t get me.

  8. Gaina says:

    Yep, my closest friends are either guys or women who prefer male friends. I can relax with guys in a way you just can’t with most other women.

  9. Anji says:

    Another woman who loved Fight Club over here. 😉

    I have two best friends, one a man and one a woman. My male best friend has been my best friend for much longer and feels more like a part of my family. 🙂

  10. I thought “Fight Club” was a work of art.

    But then, you and me always did get along. 😉

  11. antiprincess says:

    you’ve gotta know that Fight Club is in my top ten. why is it assumed that women wouldn’t like it?

  12. Kaija says:

    Yeah, just about everything you say is stuff I would or have said. Woman with mostly male friends, totally sports and electronics obsessed, loved Fight Club, geek who plays RPGs, way too comfortable with anger…and I love sex and porn…and I’m a feminist (the cool kind, not the self-righteous preachy kind)…haha. No wonder it’s hard to find people to hang with. Your blog is awesome…nice to know that others exist 🙂

  13. Dw3t-Hthr says:

    The only women I’ve historically gotten along with have been “women who don’t get along with women”. I suspect this has to do with ‘normal’ gender socialisation.

    Meanwhile, one of the things that ended my relationship with my ex was … he couldn’t handle me being angry.

  14. hexy says:

    I tend to be friends mostly with other femmes… physical sex or binary gender irrelevant.

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