“Moon? I’ll see your Moon and Raise you My Middle Finger!!!”

Posted: October 2, 2009 in WTF???

Okay, so I am feeling human enough this morning that I can write about something different today.  I got Sharon asleep in my lap purring away (I am used to calling her that, so Sharon it is) , it’s sunny outside, there is a plan to use the free movie passes my brother gave us to go see “Zombieland” this afternoon…things don’t suck quite so much…

 Wait, hold that thought.  I have something else I want to talk about today, and it is one of those female human biological things, so if such stuff grosses you out- look away…

 Yep.  It is that time of the month.  Or as I like to say, I am in the Moon Hut of the She Wolf Sister.  I am on the tail end of it, the down swing.  The worst of it passed long about Monday, but still… Now I have heard before women waxing on eloquently and in glowing terms about the wonderful, wonderful “real womeness” womb mojo fairy dust and moon mystery of that time of the month…speak on menstruation like it was some mystical miracle and just the most awesome thing since faux fur and platform heels…and it has always stricken me as odd that someone would get so mojo-goddess powery drunk off a damn biological function….but I have come to the following conclusions about that:

 Either these women do not get immobilizing back cramps, do not bloat up, break out, hit mood swings that put them a half an inch from a thrill killer, bleed like they’ve suffered a shot gun blast to an arterial cluster…or they are just deluded and lying to themselves.  Because you know, as a person who gets killer back cramps, bloats up, breaks out, hits mood swings that put me a half and inch from a thrill killer, and bleeds like someone who took a shot gun blast to an arterial cluster (for four fucking days, minimum), I have to say all that goddessy goodness and fairy dust and mystical moon magic?

 It’s a fucking load of crap.  There is nothing awesome or empowering or mysterious and wondrous about having a period.  It freakin’ sucks. There is no goddamn moon mojo going on.  It’s painful, it’s messy, it inspires road-rage, I look like crap, I feel like crap, and while yes, it is necessary for the human race to continue on as a species on planet earth…you know, I am not so sure (especially during my period!) if I think that is such a great idea and there is nothing mystical moon-mojo-y about it.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zero, zilch, zip.  It’s annoying and dare I say it…icky.  Having blood and bloody tissue flowing from ones cunt for a week is NOT awesome…and it generally means I have to do a lot more laundry.

 Although I do tend to crank out a lot of levels on City of Villains when I am hanging with the She Wolf Sister…hummm.  Then again, for four days, it is not like I can be more than 30 feet from a goddamn bathroom.

 So, to all the women who wax and glaze on wondrous about the mystical moon mojo of menstruating?  Either you are not doing it like I am, or you are deluded!

 Peace Out from the Moon Hut of the She Wolf Sister!

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Comments
  1. rootietoot says:

    Ahhhahaha! Yeah, sing it. When I quit having babies, I was ready to rip the darn thing out and use it for target practice. WHO NEEDS IT? It’s a week of mess, inconvenience, pain and misery, of biting off heads and chewing up the children. It’s a flamin’ BODILY FUNCTION. Do these women wax eloquent about poo as well? I guess the Mystique is because men can’t do it….like they’d want to anyway.

    I saw a t-shirt: “Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and lives.” It made me laugh.

    • Ren says:

      I too have seen that shirt and laughed! And true, its like “GAH, make it STOP!!!”

      (glances around) I have noted that some of the women who do praise the woman blood seem to think semen is the devil…no idea about poo though….

      and no, men do not do it, and for that, they should be THANKFUL!

      • rootietoot says:

        I was whining about it recently, and Terry said “yeah but we have to deal with wet dreams and morning wood.”
        Ahuh…
        As for semen being the devil- they’re just jealous…(*snort*)

        • Stone Fox says:

          yeah, wow. that sounds real tough. i’d sure hate to have morning wood and Piss All Over The Toilet LIke Usual, or have a wet dream and Stink Up The Sheets Like Usual.

          i may or may not be experiencing PMS. quite possibly, my Bitch Factor Overload is set to Nuclear Mode.

  2. Lisa KS says:

    When I was in Army Basic training, me and about half my training platoon stopped menstruating. I mean, for months. Once we all got over our extreme terror that we were somehow p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t (lol, like en masse), we were overjoyed. If you think periods suck in general, try having one out in the military field where if you’re lucky, there’s a portajohn within a few mile’s walking distance (if you’re not, there’s whatever tree is big enough for you to hide behind) and bathing consists of the napkin in your MRE (“Meal, Ready-to-Eat”) and the water in your canteen. Mine didn’t come back for six months and I’ll tell ya what, I missed it not at ALL. 😀 coulda stayed gone forever if it had wanted to…

    • Ren says:

      lisa-

      Back in My Serious Jock Days I did not have one either very often. However, I knew that would happen, thus no worries about being preggers and all.

      And I have had mine arrive while out camping in the woods for a few weeks with no supplies at the ready…one makes due, yeah?

  3. Gaina says:

    Uh-huh. Sets my mojo to ‘kill’ too.

    I have recently got serious about exercise, and being back doing what I love (Art) along with the exercise is a great way to quell the homicidal urges. I never read newspapers or watch the news on TV (I figure if it’s on there, it’s already happened and I’m powerless to stop it) but make special efforts to avoid people and issues that I know ‘push my buttons’ in a really bad way.

    Have you tried Agnus Castus? It’s a natural supplement and I swear it’s the only thing that’s worked for me since I started my period at 13. Just to check it was really working I skipped a pack (each pack lasts three months) and the results were….ugly. 😛

    The best one I’ve tried is http://www.healthspan.co.uk and they deliver to the US.

  4. When I was in Army Basic training, me and about half my training platoon stopped menstruating. I mean, for months.

    This is fascinating. Assuming that you were doing a fuckton of marching, it wouldn’t suprise me at all if the cessation of menstruation (and, thus, fertility) is a physiological response to massive daily exercise that evolved as an adaptation to human migration. Presumably, it would be a serious problem to be pregnant or carrying a newborn when migrating long distances.

    BTW, Ren, I am really glad you decided to keep calling the kitteh Sharon. I suspect that eventually you will begin to think of it as a nice tribute to Ozzy.

  5. Kim says:

    Oh, dude.
    I am on Day 2 myself. Days 2 and 3 are nothing but pain that sometimes even 4 Advil won’t take away, VERY heavy messy bleeding, boating and a general feeling of irritation in my own skin.
    There is NOTHING enjoyable about this.

  6. As a young hippie girl in the early 70s, I ate up all that “womanly” junk. But like they say, it got old fast.

    By the time I was your age, had had enough. In my 40s, fibroids nearly did me in, so I was fervently ANTI menstruation. LOL.

    Don’t miss it in the least.

  7. Dw3t-Hthr says:

    I have been post-partum bleeding now for NINE WEEKS. Mostly ‘heavy spotting’ rather than a genuine menstrual stuff for the last while, but damnit, I feel filthy and unpleasant just like when I’m She-Wolf Sistering and it’s pissing me off.

    One of the unmitigated pleasures of pregnancy was NO MENSTRUATION.

    Getting the damn IUD that’s supposed to stifle periods in a week. Cannot fucking wait.

  8. Stone Fox says:

    ha! i just wrote a post about PMS. come by and see if you are in the mood for some muthafuckin mommybloggin.

    by the way, in case you’re curious (and even if you’re not), i found you when i googled “back like a vertebrae” because the correct lyrics are “i’m Violent J and i’m back like a vertebrae” which was a title to an old post of yours, (i always thought it was “i’m Bunny J and i’m back like a vertebrae”) so then, google took me to your old hovel and i read some shit and some more shit and wow, that shit is fucked and honestly, i’ll do the best i can to support the women around me in my own little corner of the world and wow, this is an awesome run-on sentence.

    so there.

    sorry to hear about your kitty, ozzy.

  9. Roy Kay says:

    Not menstruating but, …

    …just had a prostate biopsy and now shooting blood with my cum. Any het gals that have long wished to win THEIR red wings in solidarity with us guys now have a crimson opportunity! Buy soon. Quantities limited!

  10. Debbie Sens says:

    God hell yeah! I can stand that time of the month! I mean with the cramps and the head aches! and they have the aduacity to say its mystical and a gift hmph.

  11. […] I know why. Hormones. It’s the First Day of That Time Of The Month (or as Ren puts it, The Time of the Moon Hut of the She-Wolf Sister) Y’know, when we, as womyn, are supposed to get all Airy-fairy and mystical about our […]

  12. Rachel S. says:

    Ah yes, menstruation. The time of the year (quarterly for me) when Peter says to me “it sounds like it’s really painful to be you”. The time when depression, fibromyalgia, cramps, bloating, and gushing blood makes me a party in a box. I suppose I could avoid them all together by simply never taking my spacer-pills (after all, there doesn’t seem to be any real function to the period except to flush out the egg that I’m not ovulating since I’m on the pill), but the occasional blood never hurt anyone.

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