Sigh. Okay, just face it, on this one I think you are wrong…

Posted: September 29, 2009 in Sex, Sex Work

So, once again, not about feminism, but rather sex and sex work.  The debate continues on at ND’s, and in it, Faith has become pretty insistent that sex workers do not have a wider range of experiences (as in odd, strange, more straight forward, kinky, whatever) than non-sexworker women…

And I have to say sorry, but I really freakin’ disagree there.  Hell, I run with a twisted and pervy bunch of women, but still…I just think she is flat out wrong on that one.

See, there are a lot of men who specifically seek out sex workers for various fantasies and fetishes because they are either embarrassed to ask their partners about them, know their partners will not go for them, do not wish to be judged for having them, and figure that hey, that being the case, hire a professional.    Also, I think something that is forgotten here is yeah, perhaps younger men, 20-30 somethings and all, might not have too hard of a time finding a partner willing to try out their kinks (many of them anyway), but older guys?  Not so much really.   Society has become less conservative and many people have embraced that…other generations?  Not so much.  An older guy might not feel as though he can find someone to get his kink on with even more so than a younger guy might…so once again, a professional is called in.

And I am just sorta sitting here smirking about it.  Because you know, it isn’t a competition.  If people are happy in their own sex lives, what the hell does in matter how good/bad/diverse/strange/more experienced/less experienced they are than sex workers?  Its almost like the silly meme of Non Sex Workers saying “omg, we have better sex and are a better at sex than sex workers” and sex workers saying “honey, you ain’t got a fucking clue”…  I mean for real, who cares?  If a woman is happy in her fucking, what does it matter?

But see, it is the oddity that gets me.  It’s just odd to me to think that non-sexworkers figure they see as much of the weird and strange of human kinks and fetishes that sex workers see because people specifically go to sex workers to experience these things.  How many dudes go to pro-dommes with all their strange and personalized fantasies because their partners are not into it?  How many guys go to prostitutes because they want to do things their girlfriend/wife  is not down with?  How many people hire professionals because they can’t seem to find amateurs to kink out with?  Answer:  Lots. 

I mean, in my day, I have seen some weird shit.  Guys who will pay to be beaten up (and I mean seriously beaten up), trampled, pissed on, puked on, have their body hair ripped out, demeaned, degraded, humiliated, forced to lick out toilet bowls, anally fisted, roleplay out rape fantasies with another dude, jacked with a cattle prod, pierced, choked, wrapped up almost completely in Saran Wrap and kicked in the nuts.  Guys who want a sex worker to sit in cold water and ice then play dead.  Guys who want to rough up the professional, piss on, slap, hair pull and play out rape fantasies with her.  Guys who want to play the dead body part.  Dudes who want to wear diapers.  Dudes who want to pretend to be schoolboys.  Dudes who want to pretend to be women, or prisoners, or animals.  Dudes who want to lick your feet or anus for an hour…or just listen to you talk about all the other weird requests you get. 

And yeah, I am sure there are non sex worker people out there in real life who engage in or have experienced some or more of these fetishes….but all of them?  Sometimes fairly regularly?

For some reason, I think not.   And people are gonna have a hard time convincing me otherwise.

  1. Sweet Bird says:

    I dare say that anyone who believes that has never been a sex worker. The shit that I saw while working in the industry horrified and amused all my non sex worker friends (and they’re a kinky bunch). But as you say, how many normal woman gets asked to step on a man’s throat and balls while wearing seven inch stilettos? How many non-sex workers have had some guy inspect their asshole with a flashlight while he inhales deeply? That’s not another Tuesday night at the Smith home. It just seems to be an automatic response to feeling threatened by someone who is more experienced in weird sex. So silly.

  2. mary says:

    Yeah, it’s silly.

  3. rootietoot says:

    ,” Faith has become pretty insistent that sex workers do not have a wider range of experiences (as in odd, strange, more straight forward, kinky, whatever) than non-sexworker women…”

    The hell they don’t…there is *SO* much that I’m not willing to do that probably the most ordinary straightforward sexworker wouldn’t even blink at. I suppose if Terry decided he wanted to experience (what I would consider) WAY OUT THERE sex, he’d have to go to a professional, but he knows I’d not like that very much, being the prude that I am, so he sticks with plain vanilla me. Not that I wouldn’t mind a little expansion of ideas now and then, but to say *my* experience is (even remotely) equal to that of someone who’s a pro? Yeah right.

  4. “Non Sex Workers saying ‘omg, we have better sex and are a better at sex than sex workers'”

    I remember Ariel Levy making a point pretty much like that in FCP, one reason I have a hard time having much respect for Levy, even if her critique of porn is a bit more nuanced than standard radfeminism. Basically, Levy, pretty much basing her ideas about strippers and porn stars on Melissa Farley’s “facts” about sex workers, charged that women who emulated “porn culture” were learning about sexuality from women who were basically damaged and not experiencing good sex themselves. And while there might be a lot of valid “don’t try this at home” arguments about porn, the idea that porn stars are damaged goods who have nothing valid to say about sex is certainly not one of them.

  5. Roy Kay says:

    It’s amusing how you sexworkers are on one hand “abused and exploited and used in ways no sane woman would accept” and yet so incredibly limited in your experience. I suppose you should concede the point to her: “Oh faithie dear. I feel sooooooooo sorry for you. Your sex life must be even more abused and exploited and maltreated than mine can ever hope to be.”

  6. Ernest Greene says:

    Just more trashing from the same stinky can. There can’t possibly be anything positive, like broader sexual experience and even, heaven forfend, a useful understanding of sexual divesity in their own lives, that sex workers might derive from what they do.

    Radical feminists are, of course, superior in all ways, including being better fucks.

    Yeah, right. Next time I’m down for something really exotic, I’ll be sure to give Ariel Levy a call.

    It workd both ways too. I’d never expect that crowd to admit it, but the average porn dude, though limited on camera by what some idiot director wants, gets to sit down and negotiate likes and dislikes with more partners in a month than most civilian men will in a lifetime.

    But it’s not like they actually learn anything about women’s desires from all that conversatioin and all that hands-on experience.

    Radical feminists, as they never tire of reminding us, are better at everything. That’s why they have such rich, fulfilling lives they can’t think of a single complaint other than having to share the world with inferior beings like ourselves.

    When it come to bullshit, this is the purest of the pure.

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