Posted: September 28, 2009 in Sex, Sex Work

So, I was over reading at ND’s and in a post about feminist stuff and sex worker stuff there is a side thread that is now actually a bit more about sex than sex work or feminism, and I am ignoring the whole feminism bit to talk about things I prefer to talking about feminism, namely sex work and sex.  Yeah, me and my one track mind.

Anyhoo, over there, Faith made this comment, and it got me thinking.  Now yep, sure enough, there are a lot of women out there who are not sex workers who have vast and rich sexual histories and experiences and have great sex lives and all that stuff.  No question.  But when one thinks of “the statistical average woman” (as if there were such a thing, but stay with me here) and then lines that person up with a sex worker (who actually has sex as part of their sex working), I gotta say, I do think most of the time chances are that the sex worker has probably had more sex than the S.A. Woman.  Not necessarily good or fun sex, but sex. 

I mean, I run with a pretty freaky crowd y’all.  Wonderful pervy folk and whatnot.  However, be that as it may, even with swinger gals and stuff like that?  Um, yeah, most of the sex workers who have sex as part of their job that I know?  The number of people they have had sex with and the different/kinky/whatever things they have done?  Usually higher.  I mean, come on, many sex workers will see more clients in a day or have sex with more men in  a single porn scene or whatever….eh, screw it…a sex worker might fuck more dudes in a couple of hours than a great many women fuck in a year or their entire lifetimes.  It may not be awesome sex, but it is sex.  I honestly just don’t think most non-sexworker women are gonna rate that high in the partner count….I have a hard time imagining it, really.

As for the sex workers having “better” sex or being more in tune with pleasure and all, I am not sure on that one.  At all.  I know sex workers who have no private sex life because when one does that for a living, they just don’t want to for fun.   But for me though, you know,  I think it absolutely has helped me figure out what I like and don’t like and what pleases my body and what doesn’t.  And while I am still greedy as hell when it comes to my selfish orgasms and all- well, you can’t be in sex work without learning a few things about pleasing other people….so yeah, I think it has made me “better” at sex and made sex more enjoyable for me in so much as I absolutely know what I like and what works for me.  I do absolutely think people can learn that in other non-sex working ways- but yep, for me…definately. 

Hell, my biggest problem is finding people who are into what I am into.  They don’t actually grow on trees, surprisingly enough.

  1. rootietoot says:

    studying on this for a bit…

  2. Ernest Greene says:

    I think it’s a bit like sports in thie narrow sense (not as a broad metaphor). When you do something daily and with a wide variety of fellow players, you’re bound to pick up chops that even the most dedicated amateur player might not.

    I also know sex workers who don’t have personal sex lives, which Nina and I both see as a sign of incipient burnout (someone we know just quit porn and went back to school for various reasons, and that was one of them), but for those who can manage the balancing, act, being able to apply what you learn from work selectively to your own recreational activities is a definite plus.

    I haven’t been to ND’s to read about this (why ruin my appetite for lunch?), but I’ll go ahead and jump to the conclusion that consensus over there is that sex work ruins the individual lives of all sex workers without exception.

    If I’m wrong about that, I’m sure someone here will let me know.

  3. rootietoot says:

    “As for the sex workers having “better” sex or being more in tune with pleasure and all, I am not sure on that one.”
    Other than the obvious “practice makes perfect”, if I did something pornographic, say, made movie and spent 8 hours doing it, I would *not* want to go home and do it some more, simply because it would be exhausting. Terry comes home after a long days work and the last thing he wants to do is manage a bunch of people. He wants to do the opposite of managing, that is, sit and have a beer and let me do it. Which is fine.

    I can’t imagine liking *anything*, even great sex, enough to want to do it all the time, no matter how good I might be at it.

  4. joankelly6000 says:

    Ren – I think we have a similar experience on this front.

    I have a question but I don’t know if it’s too personal to ask out in the open – it’s about the “trouble finding people who are into what I like” remark. Safer to email you or unnecessary and just blurt out here? Or impossible to tell until you know the question?

  5. Joan Kelly says:

    Thanks. Okay.

    What you said about your biggest problem being finding people who are into what you’re into…my nosy reflex was, is your husband/partner (I think you’re married but not positive?) not into what you’re into, and then, why do people marry people who they aren’t sexually compatible with. Not people, you. Why would you? Not like “oh my god why WOULD you,” but genuinely curious about why it made sense to you. If in fact it’s the case.

    I have zero desire to marry anyone, even someone I’m sexually compatible with, so it’s fair to say that really all choices to marry arouse my curiosity, when it comes to people I know. Anyhoo, there’s my questions.

    • Ren says:

      Heh. Its a legit question. He and I like a lot of the same things sexually, but in general, my tastes run far more extreme than his do…and I am not one of those people who is going to ask someone to do something they do not like doing or are not comfortable with….plus, not a lot of issues with seeking it elsewhere. I’m also with him for a ton of reasons aside from sex, but we have a fun with sex together even if sometimes I want different things….I guess the best way to put it is like this: I love steak and mashed potatoes, I could eat it several times a week and enjoy it…but I also like kabob, really, really want kabob, would like kabob fairly often, but Mr.E is not so much into kabob….but he does not care if I go out and get it because he knows how much I like it.

  6. Mugami says:

    I think whatever gets you off (metaphorically) is your own business. I’ll never understand why others feel the need to campaign against anything that does not directly effect them. I hate taxes on smoking because I smoke. I hate obesity because I would like to eat cow without seeing one walk passed in a moomoo. Those things I’d campaign against. I hate neopets but I don’t have to look or smell it’s fat layers as it walks passed, so I don’t use neopets as a ‘bane of the world’ platform. No has to watch porn. Unless they are looking places they shouldn’t. One other thing: Not to be condescending but I’m sort of shocked pornstars are intelligent. It’s just I’ve known a few strippers and not one had a brain cell. My ‘prejudice by association’, I guess. So, thank you all for making me realize I was VERY wrong. And sorry for my past judgement. And here I was just looking for some big tit/anal porn…

    • Ren says:

      Mugami: An amazing fact of life here- there are stupid, and intelligent, people everywhere and in every profession. Many strippers act dumber than a bag of hammers because it is part of the sthick and good for business. And I am with you on the smoking thing.

  7. mugami says:

    I was taking about people I knew for years that were dumb. They became strippers much later. But I do get your point.

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