I want to believe. I do. When I read things, or hear things, talk to people or communicate with them in some way or another…I want to believe what they have to say. I do. I want to assume they are speaking the truth.
But sometimes, I find that hard to do…especially when people are speaking on things with which I am familiar with. Very familiar even. I still want to believe people, take them at face value, but when thing after thing, statement after statement, seems off to me, I start to wonder.
I start to wonder if they are telling the truth. Things don’t add up. They seem off. They seem too much or not enough or just somehow…not right. I want to believe, but I end up…skeptical. Especially when that is all they ever talk about, especially if it seems like there is nothing more to them than that: That thing, that identity they have within that thing. When that is all there is.
And often times, I end up thinking that these folk actually believe they are telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth even if that is not at all what it is. Somehow, they’ve made it as real as the chemicals and grey matter in their heads. Why? I don’t honestly know. It’s easier? It prevents trauma and torment? It makes them more empathetic or powerful? I don’t know. But it all just seems off somehow. Strange. Not right.
Then I sort of feel like crap for thinking that way because I want to believe them, but I just can’t. There is some nagging thing in the back of my mind that just says “that’s not right…”
I don’t particularly like that feeling, but yeah, I find it there from time to time.