Archive for September 21, 2009

Much like Agent Mulder…

Posted: September 21, 2009 in Humans

I want to believe.  I do. When I read things, or hear things, talk to people or communicate with them in some way or another…I want to believe what they have to say.  I do.  I want to assume they are speaking the truth.

 But sometimes, I find that hard to do…especially when people are speaking on things with which I am familiar with.  Very familiar even.  I still want to believe people, take them at face value, but when thing after thing, statement after statement, seems off to me, I start to wonder.

 I start to wonder if they are telling the truth.  Things don’t add up.  They seem off.  They seem too much or not enough or just somehow…not right.  I want to believe, but I end up…skeptical.  Especially when that is all they ever talk about, especially if it seems like there is nothing more to them than that:  That thing, that identity they have within that thing.  When that is all there is.

 And often times, I end up thinking that these folk actually believe they are telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth even if that is not at all what it is.  Somehow, they’ve made it as real as the chemicals and grey matter in their heads.  Why?  I don’t honestly know.  It’s easier?  It prevents trauma and torment?  It makes them more empathetic or powerful?  I don’t know.  But it all just seems off somehow.  Strange.  Not right.

 Then I sort of feel like crap for thinking that way because I want to believe them, but I just can’t.  There is some nagging thing in the back of my mind that just says “that’s not right…”

 I don’t particularly like that feeling, but yeah, I find it there from time to time.

Ha, there we go

Posted: September 21, 2009 in Art

Cartoon header, I am diggin’ it.

…and now, porn…

Posted: September 21, 2009 in Pornography


Porn…a favorite topic.

 Okay, so it is interesting and timely and stuff.  On the last post I made at the Sacked Empire, one of my parting comments was “porn is what you make it”,and I do believe that, and it was something I planned on posting about/discussing. I was also then over at ND’s reading (yes, I am still going to read there) and in a comment thread she asks what I think is a good question- and I am paraphrasing here- but…What Are the Right Reasons for being involved with Porn?

 So yep, there we have it- two topics I am ready, willing and eager to discuss.  But let’s do this in an orderly fashion.

 Porn is What You Make It: I believe this.  I’ve always believed this.  I have said time and time again how healthy I think it would be for folk who like porn, even a little- people from actual pro or semi-pro pornographers to folks who just might like occasionally making videos with their partners- to make things which are a reflection of their own sexualities.  To make porn and erotica of all types that speak to and for them in a sexual sense.  People who have no interest in doing such things or who do not like porn or do not feel that inclination…okay, that is fine.  Not everyone has to like or want such things in their lives.  Not so much speaking here to those folk.  But for those who do like it or wish there was something out there for them:  Porn Is What You Make It. 

 And true enough, in a professional money making sense, this is not always a practical or wise gambit.  If one is doing the whole porn thing just for the money, it is far smarter to stick with what sells.  However, if one is just making porn for themselves or does not care so much about making money- then the door is wide open to explore all kinds of sexual fantasy and depiction that speaks to and for you.  It won’t necessarily be easy- anything and everything from finding partners who are cool with or enthusiastic to be filmed for private films to attempting to make a decent quality more professional looking flick off of one’s own dime can be rough.  Trust me, on that I would know…but it can be done.  It should, if folks are willing, be done…because I am afraid that is the only way other kinds of pornography are ever going to get out there.  The mainstream porn coming out of places like Cali and Florida?  There is a formula.  It seems to work when it comes to generating profits.  It is unlikely they are going to change that any time soon.  So if people want porn that speaks to and for them sexually…it looks like it is up to them to make it.  And oddly enough, should someone actually start making money doing this…guess what, the mainstream industry might sit up and take notes and notice and follow such a lead, because money?  They like that. 

 I will even admit I have it easy here.  I am not trying to make or into egalitarian leaning porn or real lesbian porn for real lesbians.  It can be hard to find BDSM porn with women in the dominant role and that role is not designed and dictated by the fantasies of men, but it is out there, enough that I can find that if that is what I am in the mood for.  But as it is, a lot of the porn out there…it already speaks to and for my sexuality.  I like rough sex.  I like hair pulling and anal and multiple male partners with a sole female.  I like large fake breasts.  I like spitting and name-calling.  While not as easy as some people think it is to find that kind of porn (I am pretty adamant about the fact that the women in such porn be into it as well, dishing it out as well as taking it or really, really into taking it…hell, I watch a lot of German porn, I will leave it at that), it is out there. It is not impossible to find.  It is even fairly prevalent (though not often nearly as well done as I would like or with a level of enthusiasm out of the female performers that I would like).  I can find porn that pretty much reflects and represents my sexuality…

 …But not to a degree that I would like.  Which is why, yep, I make porn.  My own.  Will I ever get rich off of it?  Nope, I seriously doubt it.  Is it what other people, namely women, would probably want to watch or enjoy or would it speak to or for them in any way?  I rather doubt that too.  Be that as it may…what is out there is not necessarily all that I want out of it…so for me, my porn?  It is what I make it.  What I want to see.  What I like.  What speaks to and for me. Like gladiator movies with sex and all.   And yes, it is gritty and brutal and hard edged and whatnot, but all that…it’s done on all sides.  It is aggressive, but the women are just as aggressive as the men.  The name-calling and hair pulling and such?  It’s utterly a two way street.  It might be rough, but no one looks like a defenseless victim being taken advantage of- and because of the way I roll, I am damn sure no one in it actually ever feels that way.  That’s the porn I want, so that is the porn I make.  And because I hate the over the top theatrical orgasm screaming and all that crap…none of that at all.  Hell, I often watch Porn Made by Other People with the sound off.  And sure enough, it often has a cyberpunk feel to it, because I dig that.

 And I sort of feel like if I can do that…. lots of people can if they so have the inclination.  Sure, not everyone has the time, or the money (or willingness to barter- I am a big believer in the barter system) to make their own porn.  But other people certainly can.  And if there is nothing out there that works for them or speaks to them, well I have always suggested they pick up a camera and start rolling. Or a pencil and start drawing.  Or a pen and start writing. Because I do believe and have always believed Porn is What You Make It, and no one is going to make what you want and reflects your sexuality better than You. 

 Heh, you know, I missed this.  That above bit there?  That is what I like out of blogging. 

 Okay, next up…What are The Right Reasons for Being Involved In Porn?

 Well, this is just one porn sluts theories and all, but hey, I will give it a go.  If a person answers money, it’s the only job they could get, validation, or because someone made them do it…I think those are bad answers and so not the reasons to be doing porn.  The last one is and should be considered criminal.  Granted, we all work to make money, but I do not think money alone is a reason for anyone to stay in any job if they could do something else that they would prefer.  I am also not saying anyone- from a porn performer to a dentist- is going to or required to love their job every day and be awesome with everything about it.  And yep, sure enough, there are women involved in pornography solely for money, it is the only job they could get, validation, or because someone made them do it.  That shit stinks, and I will be the first person to say so. 

 So what are the right reasons?  I would answer if they enjoy it, if they feel accomplished or fulfilled doing it (in the same way people find such feelings in other jobs), if they feel it allows them to express themselves, if they feel a sense of personal or artistic accomplishment doing it, or yep (and this plays into section one) if they are doing it to somehow change or modify the current standards of what porn must/is supposed to be.

 See, I said long, long ago that I do not think the outside world is going to change the porn industry at all.  I think those changes, if they are going to happen, have to come from within the industry itself, or some lurking leviathan of non-CA/FL porn is going to have to make them sit up and take notice…then not sell out or demand to see some change and stay on to enforce it after selling out.  That’s a hard task with very little reward though…however, I think it can be done.  I have also said from day one that I think the more women in porn who are there because they really want to be, who are there because of what I think are the right reasons…the better.  The more women moving up in the porn industry to positions like director, producer, film company owner…the better.  The more women making porn- no matter the content or genre- that is not just about what men want, but what they want too- the better.    I mean, I once upon a time actually had some very high hopes for things like “suicide girls” and such, but that was misplaced faith.  Trading out fake boobs for body piercings does not “empowered female porn (or whatever)” make…especially when it turns out they treat their models like crap. 

 So yeah, this is a thing with me, a passion as it were.  I’d like to think I am involved in porn for the right reasons.  I think I would feel bad if I wasn’t.  I would feel wrong or off somehow when making it if I did not think I was doing it for the right reasons…which for me…well (see above section)…it is about making stuff that represents what I want out of sex and like sexually.  I am huge on sexual expression and people being able to do that.  It’s a cause and passion for me.  I think the whole gamut of sexuality (legal and with consenting people of course) is something that is worth people talking about, making porn about…all that.  I mean, I do not think things like homosexuality, bi sexuality, poly, bdsm…all kinds of stuff…. are ever going to get a fair shake, those who are or are into those things are ever going to be seen as fully human….if it is not talked about, seen, discussed, explored by people who want to do that and share that expression with other consenting people- both to turn them on, make them think, and hell, even make them feel a bit more at home in their own skins…

 Because you know, I felt really odd about having fantasies about screwing two guys at once all hard and rough like until I saw other people doing it.    I’d like other folk not to feel so odd about whatever it is they are into (with consenting adults and all) because someone else out there…well, they are into it too.  Maybe even a lot of other someones.

 I don’t do porn to make people feel alienated or horrible.  In fact, quite the opposite.  I think that is a right reason.  And I do it my own way, speaking of and from my own desires.

 So yeah, there you have it.  The floor is open.  Discuss at will.  All comments are welcome, but be civil.  That, after all, is a rule.