(AKA Where in Ren goes ahead and ponders on things she really has no fuckin’ business pondering on and probably comes off sounding extremely hypocritical, but hey, shit happens…)
And, I preface this with while, yes, I am formerly involved in stripping as a profession and still make porn from time to time- I am less than a month shy of 39 years old and have not seen tween-teenager, or hell, even early 20′s, in…awhile!
So, yesterday, Vlad and I were having a conversation about the men in his workplace (white collar kinda joint), and he stated that it had been his observation amid the males in his workplace, the 50+ men were somewhat chauvinistic, but in that old school sense, the 30 and 40 something fellows seemed to be just fine with and professional to the women in the workplace, and aside from “gee, Mary, that’s a nice outfit” there really wasn’t any sort of rude or sexist or inappropriate talk about women- in or out of the workplace- even around the water cooler and such, but the guys under/around 30, these educated came up well white collar dudes…well, they were some rude, disrespectful, sexist, vulgar, crude, misogynist motherfuckers. Not when having to deal with women in a profession capacity, but all other times? Yeah. And not just the work place women- but all women, in general. They were just downright…vile.
I stated that I had noted the same thing, and its true. Ask me who the rudest most entitled woman hating shit heads I ever danced for or had/have to deal with in, well, any capacity, from at a store to trying to get a damn beer at a bar…and I’ll tell you this. It’s not the truck drivers/construction workers/bikers/retail working/enlisted military dudes of *any* age. It’s not the bartender/waiter/landscaper/mechanic/fireman/ types of dudes of *any* age. It’s not the older, established white collar dudes. It’s not the academics. It is, without a doubt, the college educated white collar privileged dudes in their 20′s to early 30′s…of any race.
So, a Renegade wondered…why is this? Why is it that these dudes are so hating of and disrespectful to women…from “women like me” to their co-workers to, well, the lady who just happens to be walking down the street minding her own business? Why is it that these fellows, with the rather privileged up bringings, college educations, good jobs, college educated parents, and nice places to live are more misogynist that well, the Older Old School Dudes who undoubtedly always had moms who were at home and in the kitchen and well, there were things that women just couldn’t or didn’t do?
So yes, the pondering began…and it went in a very odd order, so I am going to write all stream of thought and discussion here.
The first thing that popped into my head is well, in my case, women like myself have always been treated like that- by in large- by these sorts of dudes. But the fact that *I* had noticed an upswing in this sort of treatment, not even towards, oh, stripper chicks of a certain class, but other women- all women, and that a guy had noticed it and actually started the conversation? Well, that says something. So I started thinking, and did that thing I hate doing. I immediately stated “I blame hip-hop culture.” Yes, I admit it, I said it, and to an extent, I believe it. See, I am about to sound Really, Really Old, but, yeah…
I grew up on Hair Metal, Goth, Industrial, Punk and Grudge. Elvis and Johnny Cash and the Oak Ridge Boys Ruled my parents music collection. Sure, Hair Metal was all about Hot Chicks and Wild Parties and Sex and Booze…but you know, my social circle…we knew that shit was for Rock Stars! Sure, there were dudes who wanted to be Axel Rose, and gals who wanted to do Axel Rose, but the chances of that happening? We knew they were so slim it was just best to go to school and work our shitty part time jobs and maybe we could then afford to get the CD’s those Rock Stars made. Goth, Industrial, Punk, Grudge…that music wasn’t about sex and partying and asshole dudes and easy girls for the most part…more Life Sucks, the Government Sucks, You Suck, I Suck, we all suck…so lets kick the crap out of each other on a dance floor and declare getting a bloody nose “fun”, and maybe, if you were really hard core…shoot some smack and off yourself. Sure, yes, we had scantily clad video girls and not well at all veiled sexual imagery and violence and sex in our music and the media that went with it. We had bad boys and girls who would do anything, anything, to earn those boys attention. But sure enough, I can tell you…amid my crew? The girl who in 7th, or 8th, or 9th grade was known for giving blow jobs to whomever for whatever…social pariah, and the dudes who she did it for? Marked as asshats and viewed accordingly by girls who wouldn’t do that. And I can tell you this as well, blue collar and economically depressed as my background may be…my parents would have kicked the shit out of me for doing it, and kicked the shit out of my brother if he got some girl to do that (* more on this later…)
But see, I look around today at the music and the culture that surrounds it, music that is HIGHLY mainstream and cross cultural. Hell, I can turn on MTV. I can hear what the dude of the age range I am discussing and his younger heirs apparent are blasting (way too goddamn loud) in their spiffy little cars next to me on the road. I can hear it when they request it in a bar or put it on the juke box or tune up for working out in the gym… and a shitload of it? Not one iota of respect or even human consideration towards women in it. All women are bitches and whores. All women are good for and only good at one thing. Women are disposable and to be used then disposed of, because there are a hundred more just like her out there…and hey, guys aren’t the only one who buy into this shit…gals do to. They see the designer clothes and jewelry and manly eyes sent their way, the “status” of being with a dude who has things…how shakin’ that ass will get them on the arm and drinks and maybe even gifts from a guy…and well, the whole thing angers and depresses the shit out of me. There is a reason I tend to prefer hanging out in goth clubs (they are far more cheery), or redneck pool halls (far more safe) than, oh any place where these dudes and these gals will be. Because simply put:
I cannot stand seeing a couple of twenty something gals dressed in less than what I wear to work fake bisexing it up for and fawning all over and getting hung up on guys who are saying flat out what bitches they are, but buying them drinks so they can take them home and fuck them anyway. It angers me that these dudes think so lowly of these women, and the women take it. Contradictory of me, the professional object? Yeah, on some level, it is. Difference being I’m a professional and knew what I signed on for, and at least I get paid for it, and I don’t actually hope, expect, pray or dream that any of these folks will respect or see me as human, let alone love me. Hell, I also often times get treated better than these gals…which is, simply put…scary. But come on, if one is immersed in a culture where 13 year old girls are blowing boys in the school bathroom…how the hell do men have a chance of respecting women, and how the hell are women gonna respect themselves? Especially when everything, everything about it, says that women are simply here for that and do not deserve respect and should not get or even want it?
And then, I cast my critical and hypocritical eye even wider…television/movies/visual media. This will be short but sweet. When ninety percent of the media out there spouts T&A jokes, have cut up dead slut of the week as a plot, rape scenes, men like the ones I am discussing getting pussy thrown in their face nightly, getting away with killing the cut up dead slut of the week, women being graphically tortured, rich dudes who posses wealth and power having women all over them no matter how horrible they are, and every strong female character ends up in peril, or needing saving by a dude, or some complicated romance with a brooding, hot, bad boy…WTF do we expect?
And wider the eye goes! The legal system, where rape victims end up being on trial. Sure, she can be drunk, drugged, passed out and there can be a video of it…but hey, the slut brought it on herself!
When you show people that money will buy you anything: cars, clothes, fine things, status, admiration, people, “justice”…and then people are further rewarded for it…ummm.
Dudes, when our concern about women’s health issues such as breast cancer ends up in with a slogan like “Save the Ta-Ta’s”????
It just ain’t savory.
And then, my mind rolled back to maybe where I should have started, and hey, I am gonna use a quote from the music I grew up on to do it: “
He comes from the home, a home where the parents are too busy to treat their children with respect….Adults create the world children live it. Juvenile delinquency is always rooted in adult delinquency. And in this process, parents play the key role. When children grow up among adults who refuse to recognize anything that is fine and good, or worthy of
respect…” - Ministry, “So What?”
Because you know what, I think there is some serious validity to that right there. Adults create the world children live in. And have some responsibility to them. And generally, I think, if respect is instilled and given, respect will survive-through whatever kind of media blitz and through whatever kind of pressure. If folk of any kind get some basic shit straight early on, and that is reinforced…well yeah, generally, it holds true. It may get battered around from time to time, it may get tested, it may get eroded, but if it is reinforced…hell, it just might hold. But if it is not there at all? Well shit…
And maybe that’s what’s up with these dudes. All these things, but that base one, right there? If its lacking…well, what the fuck can we expect?
(* I mean, I may have turned out twisted as hell, but in my house, much was lacking, but there was some common human respect.)
I also realize as a gal who does and has done what I do and have done for a living, I well, yeah. But I stated right out of the fuckin’ gate I was gonna be hypocritical. And frankly, I really do try to confine my for adults only shit to adults. Hell, have you seen my civilian wardrobe? Nah, I’m not perfect, but I do make some effort…I’m an adult, who has a hand in shaping the world children live in, and I get that.