This shit disgusts me….

Posted: July 14, 2011 in Assholes, women

Flat out, disgusts me.

I generally cannot and do not get behind MRA whining, but for real, any woman who knowingly lies to a dude about a kid being his when she knows the kid isn’t or there is a chance the kid isn’t is a fucking selfish lying scumbag and nothing but.  If a man knowingly chooses to raise/adopt a child who is not his?  Good on him.  If he is tricked and lied to?  Well fuckin’ shame on her and yeah, heaps of contempt.  There is no reason, no excuse, nothing that justifies that shit.  A woman who pulls that crap is making the foundation for numerous relationships a big fat lie and causing all sorts of damage. 

There is no defense for this. No defense, and no exucse, and any woman who pulls this shit is sure as hell makin’ the rest of us look bad.  Period.

Comments
  1. Honestly? I really don’t like the whole deal either. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

    I know a lot of other humans think sometimes big deceptions are justified but I can only think of one I thought *might* have been okay… and even those people I couldn’t actively stay friends with.

  2. I don’t like that whole “I would love him less if he didn’t have my genes” shit, but equally, informed consent is king, queen and all the little baby royals in this as in so much else. If some men have a preference for raising a kid who is genetically related to them, then knowingly deceiving them into doing otherwise is utterly reprehensible. Regardless of whether or not that preference is reasonable or rational, it should be respected because there’s nothing inherent about it that harms others.

  3. Harold says:

    Hi Ren, I been a reader of yours for a while and this is my first post to your blog. One thing I really like about you is your honesty. Anyways, I have been reading Hugo and other blogs about this matter. I have a number of different thought on it.

    One thing that I do not understand is why Hugo seems to be at peace with the outcome. I mean in not exact, but similar analogy, when I got into a car accident that was my own fault, I did not pat myself on the back for not leaving the scene.

    From what I read, Hugo did not want to be a dad (he said he was not sure what he wants, but to me that is almost the same as being not interested). I do give Hugo credit for admitting that he was not fit enough at the time to be a dad and kept his promise to Jill to not interfere afterwards. Even given that fact and that Jill wanted Ted to be the dad of the baby, I still think that Hugo decision is basically passing the buck off to Ted. I not going to argue whether Hugo made a feminist decision or not by doing what Jill wants, I do know; however, that I would be ashamed of not be capable of being a dad to a child that I created.

    As for Jill while she made a decision that was in her best interests, it still feels she was playing a game of musical dads. Finally, I will also state that I do not want to be judgmental of Hugo decision because I admit that I believe at least for now I am not capable of raising a child (at least full time) myself, I just do not know how he can be at peace with the situation.

    Harold

  4. forgotten -my-usual says:

    If she does it for the old trick-into-marriage (now into support) I agree. If she does it out of naive wishful thinking, maybe different. This happened to me 1980. I went back home, picked up with a ‘girl’ (about 21) living there in my grandmother’s cottage they were not supposed to be legally living in, who had been with my brother but they’d split. The ins and outs of legal entitlement to occupy and own property are complicated and irrelevant here – just that there were rules needing to prove who could live where to protect against locals being bought out and kicked out.

    Anyway, I met somebody pretty promiscuous that I liked and liked me. enough to want to return – the rest I saw of my family made me feel I’d made the right decision before – go to a town 40, 60 miles away within range, but I’ve left the old hand pump and bucket-&-chuckit lav behind.

    So I have to sort where I’ve been living out sometime, and just before her period with Xmas coming up looks as good as any to do that. No idea whether that ‘period’ happened or not because the next one doesn’t and a month later, not the next.

    She swore blind that it was my brother’s kid, because it was me nice to be with, him girl-wanky idealised stuff (Blondie – I want to be your Nr. One). I believe it wasn’t because he had other fish to fry and would have been open with me if she’d been sharing both of us. Could be my kid, could be anybody’s because when she had me, she had me but when she didn’t, she had anybody she fancied – and why not? She wasn’t taking anything away from me 400 miles away!

    Besides, the kid was never mine or my brother’s or any other man’s – it was hers. We didn’t swell up and leak down our chest! It took a fair bit of persuading to get back to where we’d been and then the bastards discovered a father who’d walked out when she was a year old and deported her because she was on the state with some stupid complicated employment blacklist for helping to forge an over-18 identity pass.

    That was a case of wanting to pin most likely my kid on my brother, not to exploit, but because he was her Blondie Nr 1 and I was Nr 2 – that actually gave a shit about her. Naive, not ‘wicked’. My mother had her suitors too, even with me in the background. My father was married – just unfortunate that it was not to my mother! (More so to a Catholic who would not divorce him and laws in those days did not allow ‘no fault’ divorce for him to divorce her)

    So yes, in most cases the old ‘You got me pregnant’ IS exploitative crap, like girls are too dim to handle even asking to use a bloody condom, let alone think that they are the ones able to get pregnant, so maybe they are the ones to control it, not expect a man to. Then again, it CAN be naive romantic wishful thinking.

    But any woman says “You got me pregnant” – what, she wasn’t there at the time? He raped her? She was a [rad-]feminist too over-awed by his mighty male machismo to say “I’m not on the Pill, put something over that?” She wasn’t even capable (as happened to me once) of saying “Shit, I meant NOT without a washer, not ‘go ahead'” and get a morning-after pill?

    Not every claim on a man is necessarily exploitative or behaving as if women were clueless ‘recepticles’ with no sex desire of their own – but probably 95% are.pretending that. Just don’t be hard on the 5% (or less) genuinely naive.

  5. rootietoot says:

    My husband has an employee that married a couple of years ago. His wife had a baby 4 months later, and he assumed the baby was ‘his’, and loved it so! Then she told him there was a chance the baby was ‘someone elses’ and offered him a divorce if he didn’t ‘want the baby’. Well, he did. He didn’t care that the baby wasn’t genetically his. He was CRAZY in love with him (little boy baby) and considered him his son. Yes, he was deeply hurt that his wife had lied to him, but said that wasn’t the baby’s fault. Then the genetic father gets back involved, custody fight, waffling on the mother’s part, and all he wants is to keep the baby, even if the mother leaves him for the baby’s genetic father. After all, Mother isn’t the greatest mother, he, however, is the one always getting up at night, getting the child to Dr appointments, spending all his free time with him, being the parent while Mother is busy spending time with genetic father “trying to figure things out”. Who’s the Daddy here? Who loves the little boy enough to *be* the daddy, and who’s going to be hurt the most if custody goes to Mother and Genetic father? It’s a mess, has been going on now for 2 years. I’m rooting for Daddy, not Mother and Genetic Father, but that’s probably not what the courts will decide.

    • Ren says:

      yep, and if it goes against him, which it may very well, he gets crushed…..cause she lied until after the baby was born and he had bonded with it- THEN she tolkd the truth…

  6. Danny says:

    I’ve been following this on Good Men Project and frankly speaking Hugo (and it looks like figleaf has thrown his lot in as well) are intentionally focusing only on the extreme MRA comments and conveniently ignoring the sensible commentary. Since no one will answer me over there I’ll ask here. Funny how they simultaneously complain about the extreme comments while using them for a smokescreen to dodge the real questions…

    Hugo and lot of people over there are insisting that the DNA doesn’t matter and any man that would leave a child over lack of DNA is not a real man or father. My question is this:

    If the DNA doesn’t matter then why lie about it in the first place? If the DNA didn’t matter then why didn’t Jill (and Hugo to an extent) lay it all on the table for Ted to decide for himself before the baby was born? However conveniently enough if it were to turn out now, 13 years later, that Ted and Alastair are genetically linked and Ted left people would be dogpiling on Ted and calling him all sorts of names….meanwhile no one would say a damn thing to Jill for causing the mess in the first place.

    Odd that Hugo will declare that any man that would leave a child if the DNA didn’t match is not a real man or father while telling a story in which he may be responsible for the DNA not matching in another man’s father/child bond. Talk about moral grandstanding.

  7. Its just not good in the long run. I’m glad Ted and Jill are happy-happy, but what if someone needs a blood transfusion or a kidney transplant or has to identify a dead parent or child through DNA? This is a stable of daytime soap-operas and has been for decades. It still happens often enough in real life that the situation still keeps audiences glued to the screen, even now.

    Its horrific and wounding to discover when you are 25, that you were lied to by the parents you trusted. I hate to say “think of the children” but nobody seems to care about anything in this discussion but Jill, Ted and Hugo, and that pisses me off. This is ALSO about children knowing their lineage and whether they have a family history of ovarian cancer or hypertension or whatever it is. Haven’t we learned from all the adopted children who look for their genetic parents (while very much loving the parents who raised them!) that *not* telling kids the truth is A BAD THING? It isn’t only about a parent’s deception.

    Rootie, I’m with you. :) Hope the “real” dad wins.

  8. Harold says:

    Hi Daisy,

    Its horrific and wounding to discover when you are 25, that you were lied to by the parents you trusted. I hate to say “think of the children” but nobody seems to care about anything in this discussion but Jill, Ted and Hugo, and that pisses me off.

    You are correct Daisy I did not address the child in my posts because I honestly do not know what is best for a child in that situation; I have no experience with raising any child.
    If you do not mind me asking, what do you think would be in the child best interest either now or then or both.

    Thank you,

    Harold

  9. [...] As usual, we can expect some of the most sane reactions from Ren about this… I generally cannot and do not get behind MRA whining, but for real, any woman who knowingly lies to a dude about a kid being his when she knows the kid isn’t or there is a chance the kid isn’t is a fucking selfish lying scumbag and nothing but.  If a man knowingly chooses to raise/adopt a child who is not his?  Good on him.  If he is tricked and lied to?  Well fuckin’ shame on her and yeah, heaps of contempt.  There is no reason, no excuse, nothing that justifies that shit.  A woman who pulls that crap is making the foundation for numerous relationships a big fat lie and causing all sorts of damage. – in context [...]

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