So, Hugo has a post up about May/December relationships and the invisibility of older women when it comes to sex and sexuality. Go read it.
As my comment there indicates, I had some issues with his thinking there. Now, sure enough, I have an issue with creepy older dudes who only date younger women SIMPLY because of their YOUTH….thats a whole level of fucked up and screwy male ego I don’t get….but there are folk who are with someone where there is a big age difference but that truly doesn’t matter.
But what really got me going “HUH?” was the idea that younger women somehow owe older women something wrts to dating and relationships out of some sense of sisterhood. Hell, any 25 year old woman who Did Not go and be with a dude she loved and he loved back despite being older outta some sense of obligation to the older women of tribe woman? Hell, unless the dude was married to someone else or something, I’d wonder what the heck she was thinking and doing because you know what? She doesn’t owe anyone, even us older sisters…jack shit. At all. I mean, come Nov. I will be 40. Which is closer to 50+ than 20…and you know, I seriously do not think ANY woman owes me ANYTHING when it comes to that sorta thing. If a dude my age or older and is single and finds happiness and all that real life good stuff with a gal in her 20′s? More power to ‘em. She should NOT deny herself that because well, some woman my age is just being denied of this our age man due to it. One, there is No Proof her being with him will deny anyone of anything, and two….well, they deserve some happy regardless. The idea that Older Women are OWED by their younger sisters in this matter…well it actually kinda makes me sick really. No one owes me shit….especially if it crushes chances of happiness for them and is no guarantee of happiness for any woman my age. I mean, I can get some sort of sense of “tribe” to a point? But debt? Owing it too? Ughhh. Hell, if I thought I was only getting a relationship due to the sympathy of some other woman, I’d feel like complete shit about myself really.
And this is one of those things that I am sure people are gonna whine about when I say it, but you know, as a going on 40 sort? I sure as shit do not feel “sexually invisible” or what the fuck ever. In fact, often, I feel more visible than I would honestly like sometimes-even when decidedly trying NOT to be visible. Do I look like a 20 something? Hell no. I am short, not ageless. And frankly I think the whole Oh No, you are over 35 and becoming sexually invisible is a …. giant marketing ploy. The age old tactic of playing off women’s insecurities to make them feel they NEED everything from cosmetics to tummy tucks in order to find/keep a man. Pfft. Making love and relationships- you know- the real deal- some commercial thing to exploit peoples self-esteem holes is vomit inducing…and hell, last time I checked, folk still though the over35 Angelina Jolie was damn sexy…as are MANY women in her age range.
So yeah, a little irk-age there, both by the notion that women my age and up are owed shit by our youngers, and a little irked that because a small section of men and the cosmetics industry might play on invisible aspect that , well, other folk, including Hugo, would buy into it.