(you should prolly read this first)
Once Upon A Time….
There existed a Black Knight we will call M, and a Damsel in Disturbia we will call E.
M was a very slick sort: good looking, smart, but more so than smart, cunning. M could read people like an open book in a matter of seconds and somehow, in some way, just managed to know how to play anyone and everyone they ever met. M was also disturbingly charismatic in an offhanded, almost awkward way. Funny yet very, very intense, with eyes that could probably burn through walls and souls with equal ease. M had an incredible gift for drawing people in, making them feel good, making them feel special, but was also just obviously off enough that M was terribly, terribly interesting and many people who met M? Well, they wanted to know more.
M wasn’t particularly physically imposing, but there was something about them, their style, a way of speaking or moving or that slick, strange not quite right intensity that people found fascinating…which, of course, M learned to take advantage of.
Because while on the outside M was alluring and magnetic and interesting, on the inside, M was a cold, hateful, wrathful, envious, twisted callous rotting shell of a soul, in pain but so hard and hardened they’d dulled themselves to it in all ways but one. That one way? They’d forged it into a desire to break…things. Bones, Illusions, People, Spirits, Minds, and well, the whole damn world. M loved victory and revenge and conquest and destruction and then looking around at all the rubble they’d left in their wake. In short, M liked breaking and hurting people whenever the whim moved them, and if people were stupid enough to let them? Well, then so be it.
E was a frail sort: plenty of brains but no brawn, funny and smart, creative, attractive in a subtle, delicate way, loyal and caring and kind, but E was afflicted – for some reason- with a want and need to be something other than what they were. Special, different, respected, the one who stood out in the crowd, and yes, because E had been kicked around- literally and in a lot of ways- important. E was always near the center of the crowd, but never THE center of the crowd. E was charming and fun and polite and articulate, but never quite as much as any of those things at the right time or with the right people as they wanted. E had big dreams and big ambitions and really had everything in the form of ground work that could have sent them on a very different path: brains, personality, privilege, talents, but for E that wasn’t enough. In truth, nothing ever was.
On the outside E was a fun loving, kind, witty, wonderful, smart, good person from a nice family with so many things going for them, but on the inside, E never looked at the good and strong about them, only the weak and wrong and wanting.
And one day, M met E, and in M, E saw everything they ever wanted and wanted to be, and in E, M saw a piece of meat they could rip apart and leave to rot in the dust. The person who was always at the center but wanted to tear everything around them apart and be left alone to watch it bleed had run across the loner who wanted to be the middle of the world and the focus of its very crowded center. It was, as they say, an instant attraction. And the two hit it off like a house on fire. Road trips, parties, drugs, sex, booze, long intense conversations both sober and wrecked, M feeding E’s need and ego with nothing actually helpful, but with pure poison. But it worked. E found themselves fully and totally in M’s grasp, and once M had them there, well, then for M, the real fun began.
The violence, the abuse, the alternating between affection and ignoring, the snide disdain and amazing devotion. A compliment followed by a fist followed by an apology… followed by a fist. The insults. The breaking down. Beatings that ended in hospital visits and vicious words and berating that ended in tears. The horrible but also the occasional wonderful- the rare but amazing compliment, the moments where E was the only thing in M’s world, the tender façade, but that was always followed by what really lived under M’s quirky smile…and then E snapped. Lost themselves and reality and everything else. Went, quite literally, mad. They were quite broken. Drug addicted, in horrible health, mentally unsound, paranoid- wrecked, wasted, and destroyed, and in E’s head, the only thing they had left worth living for was….
And that’s when M walked out. MissionAccomplished. Smiling at the wreckage in their wake. But what M did not realize was they had, in doing what they’d done, created a whole different sort of monster. One that would always and forever now…Need. And that monster would not let go. No matter how many times M would kick it, it would crawl back. No matter how many times M would hang up the phone, E would just call again. No matter how many times M would slap, punch, burn, dose, violate, degrade, devalue and dehumanize E, E still swore to be in love with the monster who had walked out.
And M, being whom and what they are, grew sick of it. There was no more fun in it; their toy was beyond broken and no good for playing with anymore. But stuck in M’s decidedly fucked up life and head, there was E, a rotting shell of human being complete with flies that buzzed away in M’s brain endlessly. M tried, in their own twisted way, to talk E into killing themselves…but it didn’t work…
And E’s need made M ponder doing the job themselves, but obviously not. Why? Well, the why is something I do not know. Sense of self preservation? Fear? Maybe even some small sense of guilt? Who knows. Both of them are still around today, E & M. E limps through life addicted and sick and in truth, permanently harmed both physically and mentally from M antics, probably Damaged in Countless ways beyond Repair, and not wanting repair anyway…and still in love with M. M slips through life like a shark, often hiding what they really are under that quirky grin and strange, slightly off style, but with a long chain of a rotting E tethered to their ankle and those flies buzzing in their brains, probably also Beyond Repair and Not wanting it anyway.
Karma? Justice? A deserving end for both? Who knows….
Based on A True Story.