Archive for April, 2011

Ayep, I have boldy gone…

SO, yesterday amid all my doctor crap, it became evident that Mr. Evolution was in serious need of a hair cut.  I am pretty sure Mr.E has worn his hair in the same style since birth, or at least actual observation and photo evidence has led me to beleive so.  And that style is military short…not buzz cut or flat top, but I guess what one might call “officer hair”..short in the back and on the sides, very short actually, and a bit longer on top and in the front…hell, kinda like this dude, but even a wee bit shorter.  And I will also say this, for a dude who is in his 40’s, Mr.E still has ALL his hair, and it is thick and kinda wavy and has a mind of its own, so once it gets past the Officer Hair stage, it becomes…well, very special really.  Well, yesterday it was in special stage, so whilst between doctors he decided to get it cut, and went into what I now know is a Man Salon.

Now, they would NEVER call it a “Man Salon”, because that would be girly and shit…but believe you me, that is exactly what they are, and have been, I suspect, since their inception.  They code and hide themselves under the name “Barber Shop”, and while others have taken the term, there are a few indicators that a Barber Shop is indeed that and not some prentender, a few signs include:  The Pole.  They do not cut Women’s hair.  The presence of several well-groomed fellows about the shop, and at a least one well-groomed or about to be well-groomed fellow outside the shop, often smoking some kind of tobacco product.  So it was yesterday that Mr. E found himself in a Man Salon…er…I mean barber shop, and since I did not feel like roasting in the car, I went in with him.    Now, I have been in a salon or two in my time, and I know what occurs there: hair cutting, hair dying, manicure and pedicures, waxing, facials, sometimes tanning, pampering, things of that nature.  And while the Man Salon, er, Barber Shop, is different, the level of pampering is…dare I say it…even higher?

So I sat and bore witness.  Mr. E and one other fellow were in there at the time.  Mr.E was merely there for a hair cut…and sure enough his hair got cut…but with the hair cutting service he also got  a hot towels on the neck, head and face to relax him and work on his skin, his hair styled beyond the cut, offered coffee and…a head and neck massage…that was like for 15 minutes…and this all just goes with the 16$ hair cut!!!  But Mr. E was totally getting the slack treatment compared to the other fellow in the shop.  He wore his hair…ok…wrong term, he had his head shaved, which was then followed by a cleaning solution for his scalp, hot towels, a lotion for the skin, more hot towels, the head and neck massage, more hot towels, then he got a full shave, with the foam lather and a straight razor and then conditioner for his skin…more hot towels, then his nails clipped and filed to look nice (yet still manly)…dude, this AIN’T a mere place men go to get hair cuts…the old school shaves, the hot towels, the massages….this is a damn Man Salon…and believe you me…all that man-pampering?  A heck of a lot cheaper than the woman-pampering that goes on a Woman Salons!

Needless to say, Mr.E loved this place and will be going back.  And it made me think of the stunning loyalty my father and brother both have to their respective Barber Shops….and now I know why.  It’s not merely about a good hair cut  (ffs, both my father and bro wear flat tops, not much artistry needed there), it’s about the man-pampering:  the Old Fashion shaves, the hot towels, the friendly service, the chat and massage….hell, if gals could spend under 30 bucks and get equivalent woman-pampering we’d have such strong and fierce loyalties to our barbers…er, I mean stylists…too.

But believe you me, the sign may say “Barber Shop”, but what those places really are is Man Salons…and the pole and manly sorts hanging about shall never fool me on that matter again!!!

Posts in the Works..

Posted: April 29, 2011 in Blogging

See, I do actually PLAN to write things, but motivation can be fleeting and all….but yeah, things I got in the works or figure I kinda feel like writing about include:

The Epic Sexism in Gaming Post

Why that photo my Brother thought was just so Damn funny ain’t- and how the attitude that goes with it is full of shit…

You know those people who are just sooo cool they feel entitled (and yep, that IS the right word) to rag on everyone and everything they see as stupid or lesser than they?  Not only do they piss me off, but I kinda reckon they are compensating for something…

Guns.

Men and “salon days”…whether they admit it or not, they so have their own dang equivilent to hair highlighting and mini pedi’s…and I have now witnessed it FIRST HAND….

And inspired by the awesome Kim, a post about…tattoos.

Feel free to kick me or whatever to write about which one y’all would prefer to be reading or whatever, but in any event, I do got some things to write…

The on-going Saga of my Spine

Posted: April 29, 2011 in Personal

sounds like some Emo CD, really…

Anyhoo, back from seeing both my GP and my Ortho Doc’s. good news is they are totally NOT cutting me off wrt to my happy painkiller drugs.  The Ortho spent a good amount of time going over all my MRI images with me and explaining what all was going on with the Evil Row of Bones…that is after I got her computer to work for her- but that is a WHOLE different story- and well, anyway, seems as if there is no one Big Wrong thing with my back, but rather a bunch of little things that each upon their own would be no big freakin’ deal, but all piled up?  Yeah, not so cool.  Things like slightly bulging discs and slight arthritis in various vertebra and slight pinching and pressure upon the nerves and a slightly mishealed old fracture…

So anyway, what they are gonna do is roll my slight ass into a hospital a slight number of times and give me an ongoing series of slightly freakin’ painful shots in my slightly jacked up spine.  Apparently, this should fix shit up pretty good.  So yeah, as a person who has been getting needles jabbed into her neck for the last three freakin’ years part of me is going “oh goody” (heavy sarcasm there), but also going “meh, more needles, no big damn deal”.  So, I will be calling and setting this next phase of Project Cybernetic Spine on Monday.

Here’s hoping it works!  I just wished I liked my back doc and GP half as much as I like my neck doc…who is almost as cool as biscuits and gravy…

*I will say though that it seemed that both docs somehow mystically sensed that as of this morning I had entered the mysterious Moon Hut of the She Wolf Sister and thus did NOT admonish me for things like smoking or my lack of desire to eat food here lately…Wise move on their part.

One of the Best of the Best

Posted: April 29, 2011 in Uncategorized

IMHO is BACK

http://likeaspacerocketbaby.blogspot.com/

woo, insides!

Posted: April 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

Look, My Spine! 

And it looks so sweet and innocent!  Yet, it is eeeeevvvillll, pure eeevvvvilll! 

Hard to beleive that stinkin’ row o’ bones has become one of the great banes of my existance!

(amusing though, upper left hand corner there, thats what a boob job looks like on an MRI…heh.)

And wow, who said chicks hips roll forward??  Sheesh!

AWESOME

Posted: April 26, 2011 in Awesome

Westboro Baptists get some Southern Hospitality in Mississippi….

Go Brandon Miss.  Couldn’t have happened to more deserving folk.

Memory Lane Monday…

Posted: April 25, 2011 in Personal

This photo was taken by  a friend of mine probably close to 10 years ago…funny how some things just don’t change too much…I still love pool and dive bars!

Dear Universe….

Posted: April 22, 2011 in Personal, Rants, women, WTF???

You know all that bitching and whining I did in puberty about having no freakin’ womanly curves and all that shit?

I TOTALLY take it ALL back….

AH yes, this is a shopping story.  Once, about every five years or so, when summer rolls around I find myself looking at the shorts I’ve worn for the last five summers (usually three pairs or so), deeming them derserving of a merciful death, and in need of new shorts…which will hopefully last another 5 summers.  So it was this summer- and I decided hey, since I am gonna BE in FL, I might as well shop for shorts there because – well, being FL and all- they will prolly have a better selection and stuff will be cheaper (always is)….  So the Renegade found herself in a Target, looking for a couple pair of new shorts.

I head first to the Women’s Dept.  Where sizes range from about 8 to 32.  I am not, nor have I ever been close to any of that myriad of sizes….thus, we then go to the Juniors Section, where I, at age 39, seem to be relegated if I ever wanna buy anything off the rack that will fit…so I am poking around- and I note something- in both the women and juniors sections:  They have shorts, a ton of colors and patterns and sizes and stuff….but they are all…well…REALLY short.  I mean seriously, no golf shorts, no walking shorts, and well, it’s a goddang rare freakin’ day when you can EVER find cargo shorts- the real deal and not some lowrise pocket lacking poor ass attempt at cargo shorts in any female based clothing department…but yeah, EVERYTHING is really, really short- tennis short short to Daisy Duke short short…and thats it… well, not true, ONE pair of walking shorts, but they were pink and lime green plaid and a size 18- so yeah, that shit ain’t happenin’.

At which point a Renegade becomes *quite* put out.  Now sure, there is a time and a place for shorter shorts- but hell, for daily all summer wear, I do not want that.  I don’t want shorts that are so short if I sit outside on a lawn chair I am gonna burn the fuck outta my thighs (or, considering the lengths of these things-my ass) on the dang chair.  And I am thinking this is Florida!  People wear shorts 360 days a year down here, and for some reason, I cannot see too many women over 30, or over 100 pounds, or who need to sit on damn car seats or lawn chairs- wanting to wear short-shorts ALL the fuckin’ time!  I mean seriously…I cannot be the ONLY woman in the world who prefers looser, baggier, longer shorts with actual REAL pockets, can I?  Well, if the women’s/junior’s departments in this massive freakin’ Target are any indication…I am.

So I grumble and eyeball a pair of the shorts shorter than what I actually want to wear, thinking how the holy hell am I gonna hook my wallet chain and keys and leatherman and shit on these stupid flimsy ass things… and then I look at the price tag…and the answer is Oh Hell No…

But then I have a thought…

See, for years uncounted, well, from puberty on anyway, I have been aware of the fact (and often teased for the fact) that well, I ain’t blessed in the curves department.  Hell, the few I have?  I bought  ‘em.  Much like most of the women in my family…I am ALL shoulders and spine, really…and hips?  Heh…I dreamed of having those once, but guess what?  Never happened….so, devious minded non-hip having me heads to the Boy’s Department…

SCORE! 

Yep Yep Yes indeedy, the Renegade is now the proud owner of three pairs of ACTUAL cargo shorts, with all the pockets and everything!  Nice, heavy-duty, long, loose and baggy and wonderfully comfy REAL LIFE CARGO SHORTS!  Six Pockets per Pair!  And they cover my thighs when I sit on lawn chairs and hot car seats!  Boy’s Size 16 baby, and they fit PERFECT….oh yeah, and were like 12$ a pair and decently made and hell, should hold up a few summers and did I mention….came in colors like black and tan and (sighs lovingly) camo and NOT pink and teal and yellow?  My wallet chain has a happy new home!

Hell yeah, y’all….

So all that bitching and whining I did about having no curves and ALL the jokes I have heard from folk about being built like a 14 year old boy?  Heh, yeah, thank god for that shit!!!

*and I am not even gonna START on the only short shorts and skirts and skimpy ass bikinis and shit in the GIRLS dept.  WTF…I mean seriously…just WTF????

Urggh.  So..um…yeah.  Check this shit.

See, so now it is time for Cracker to the Rescue, you know, to Save the White Woman and all, cause you know thats how us crackers roll.  (rolls eyes)…

Now that I’ve stated the snarked on version of what MAY get said because I, hick white chick, am choosing to address this and defend Daisy, another hick white chick…well, I am gonna do just that.

One:  When, where, how, who, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot did calling someone a “hippy” become an insult?  Last time I checked, calling someone a hippy was not oh, akin to calling someone a dick or asshole or some racial slur…esp. when a self described hippy is speaking about a fellow hippy, oh, in the era of hippies?  There is nothing particularly wrong with being a hippy…it is not a horrible thing…and well, folk who jumped all over her for calling a dang hippy a hippy? Um, yeah, obviously folk with too much goddamn time on their hands which they obviously use FINDING stupid shit to get pissed off/offended about.  Hey, Daisy, yer a fuckin’ Hippy!  Wooo, horrible of me, ain’t it? 

Two:  You know what I love?  When white folk storm in yelling at other freakin’ white folk who are talking about their own experiences in dealing with racism and tell ‘em they are doing it wrong and are shitty allies to people of color…’cause you know, the whining white folk are obviously better at….what?  Doing all the same shit they accuse Daisy of doing/being?  Ah-ha!  That must be it!    I mean, I guess there are white ladies, and super awesome special bestest of the best ally white ladies, and well, they gotta tell Daisy how it’s done PROPER!  Snerk.  I love it when folk do the exact same shit they take other folk to task for doing….

Three:  Hey, Daisy, you Hippy…how DARE you write a post in a way that is NOT the way Other People (esp White Ones) THINK you shoulda done it?  The freakin’ nerve, woman, actually putting things in your own words and speaking from your own experiences and not doing it the way other people think you shoulda…how dare you?  I mean, what were you thinking, talking about actual lived experiences and shit rather than theory and academic solution and how you shoulda done it better and the way other folk think you should’ve?  It’s not like shit like, oh, actually having been there and done that means shit, you know…esp. when the REALLY special white ladies say so….

Snerk…what a goddamn cluster fuck…guess that will learn ya Daisy when it comes to writing stuff you thought folk might find interesting or useful…how dare you….

then again, fuck ‘em…cause even if you ARE doing it right, there is gonna be some nit-picky moron who is gonna tell you that you’re doing it wrong…but hell, doesn’t mean they’re right really now, does it?

HIPPY HIPPY HIPPY!!!!

Man some people deserve a trip to the woodshed.

Greetings from the Swamp…

Posted: April 20, 2011 in Personal, The Funny

So, well, I’m down in FL taking a vacation and staying with my parents.  My parents have lived in the same house here in FL since 1986 or so…bought it for REAL cheap (65,000) because…well…previous owners?  Murder/Suicide- amazing how that shit will drop property values!  Anyway, this house is one of those places I have a love / hate relationship with.  My folks talk endlessly about selling it and moving to something smaller  (going price these days in this part of FL would be about 120…which for 5 bedrooms, 3 full baths, a two car garage, a pool….and something very very few other houses in FL have- a basement- seems like a freakin’ steal to me, but hey, I live in North VA where shit is just too dang expenesive period.)  And Mr. E and I have also long disucssed figuring out a way to, er, take it off thier hands when they do decide to sell…because face it, having a place in FL- considering how often we come here and how often folk we know come here- could be kinda cool…but so yah, there is the love.  I like a lot about this place….its big, my folks have over the years have done a lot of work on it- new floors, new roof, new pipes– but a lot would still need to be done- the pool needs work, the deck needs to be replaced, and while I live for that shit…well…it would end up being a lot of time and money….

There is also the killer almost deal breaker for me…location.  My folks place is about 40 minutes North of Orlando…about 5 minutes into the “Snakes and Rednecks” portion of FL, but WAY TOO CLOSE to the “Tourists and Disney” section of the state for me…sure enough- great for guests, hell, yer 40 minutes from Mickey Mouse (ugh) and Sea World (not so ugh) and Universal (great rollercoasters), and about 30 minutes from Daytona (beaches and racing and motorcycles, woohoo!) …if I were ever gonna come back to this state, I’d prefer to live in the Tampa area or…further north  (more snakes and rednecks, less Disney and Tourists…and well, a much shorter drive to Rooties  hahahahaaha!)

Anyway, I have always laughed about this house….and when we first moved here, there was an instance where my father, my brother and myself had need to get up on the roof to fix something….and now I got a visual for ya….

Note edge of roof…note deep end of pool  (12 feet deep, also a rarity in FL)….well, you KNOW we had to do it…it seemed like a BRILLIANT idea at the time…and there were no injuries…until my Mom got word and nearly killed all three of us….so far as I know, no one has made that leap since for fear of a 5’3″ 120 pound woman with a killer maternal instinct….oh, and in case you EVER had any doubt that FL, even near the Disney Parts, was still just a big ass Swamp full of snakes, bugs, and gators…a photo of the Non-Concrete part of their backyard….I am convinced there may actually BE Japanese in there who do not know the war is over….