Dear Universe, Fuck You.

Posted: October 1, 2009 in Pain, Sharon & Oz

So, less than 24 hours ago I had an awesome, cute, cool kitten named Ozzy.

I don’t anymore.  The vet from the cat ER called at about 7 am this morning, I of course was awake still, and well…they had done everything they could, and no dice.  Then, as they do around these parts, the autopsied to make sure rabies was not the issue.  It wasn’t.  His intestines were just wired wrong, and well, it killed him.   So I have lost a cool kitten, his sister is looking for him, I am staring at a 1500$ vet bill that I really fucking cannot pay, and Mr.E is a fucking mess about it…and of course, I have to be the strong one…and I have to worry about if the same thing will happen with the female from the same litter  (who has been renamed because a Sharon without an Ozzy seems wrong.  She’s Raven now…not my name choice, but okay).

And  yep, I am pretty fucked up about it.  Can’t even really cry about it because hell, I have been awake for too goddamn long and still have to figure out how I am going to pay for the whole nasty deal.  I have to try and help Mr.E not crack up about it.  I have to reassure Sharon/Raven that yep, there are humans here that love her and pet her and think she is awesome even thou her brother is gone…

And I just want to crawl off somewhere and pretend that none of this shit happens and I don’t have to deal with it, and I want to shoot a fucking god or whatever else that lets shit like this happen and I wonder what the fuck I ever did that has turned my life into complete shit in almost every possible fucking way.

I am sad, and I am fucking angry, and I feel so dead it is not even remotely amusing to even me and I just want to burn something to the ground and start over.  I am sitting here asking friends for goddamn money for my deceased cat because all I wanted to do was save him and gee, that shit costs money,  and trying to figure out (literally) who I am gonna have to fuck to get the rest when the LAST thing I feel like doing is working and pretending I like or give a shit about the people I am gonna have to get naked for / fuck to get the money to pay for my poor dead cat’s medical bills. 

That’s right, Comedian, the Joke is on Us, and it isn’t funny.

Comments
  1. Cara says:

    I’m really sorry, Ren. Pet deaths are the worst. I wish there was more that I could say, but Ozzy didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry that you (and Mr. E, and Sharon/Raven) have to go through it.

  2. Fuck. I am so, so sorry, Ren.

  3. rootietoot says:

    I’m sorry :o(
    I wish I knew the right thing to say, but I don’t, so I won’t.
    just…I’m sorry

  4. rootietoot says:

    The frowny didn’t frown…

  5. God, I’m sorry.
    I don’t know the words…

    Does the GER take hugs?

  6. Erik says:

    Condolences and sympathy. I was crushed when my rescue cat died – and she was elderly and I had time to prepare myself. Without getting all theological on you, is it possible to think of death not as an end but as a transition? Ozz is on to his next life (one of undoubtedly more than 9). Leaving you with the grief, of course, and the vet bills. I would be happy to send a contribution if you tell us how to do so. And thank you for the loving care you gave Ozz during the short time you had him.

    • Ren says:

      erik- thanks…and yeah, oz got a lot of petting and love. if you want to donate, on both my old blog or my LJ (there are links on the side bar there), there is a pay pal button you can use (its easier to find on my old blog, listed as THe Sacked Empire).

  7. Shit.

    I have no words to deal with this.

    My financial contribution seems like a drop in the ocean now, but I hope it helps a little anyway. But whatever else I can give to help, just ask.

    It sucks being strong.

  8. Joan Kelly says:

    Oy, Ren, I’m so sorry. This is not meant in a “grief olympics” way, but it does seem like it’s a particularly brutal kind of agony and sorrow when dealing with baby animals and the helplessness of watching them not feel good and then pass away. I’m glad he had you for the minute he was here. I know that’s no consolation for you, but for this animal lover it really is. I worked in a veterinary hospital for a while when I was younger, and many, many animals don’t win the person-lottery like Ozzy did.

    I”m sorry to hear everything feels so hard right now. Keeping a good thought for you (and if you need someone to talk to and not have to be strong for, I know we’re not like close friends or anything, but you have my email and you can have my phone number if you want it), and if I am able to any time soon, will visit your PayPal.

  9. Memo to God or the Goddess or whomever is up there:

    Would it be too much of a burden to lift that crumbling wall off of Ren’s back and allow her some actual peace and quiet for…I don’t know…a year, or five???

    If you want to send the Grim Reaper to collect his due, why not go after someone who actually DESERVES it, for fucking once???

    Damn. Why is it always the best people who get it in the ovaries??

    Presente, Ozzy….and hopefully, Raven/Sharon gets through this all right. And the same with Ren.

    Anthony

  10. Debbie Sens says:

    Just wanted to offer my condolences again…I will be chanting for you and when I get a chance I will also donate. I hope you, MR. E and Sharon will be okay.

  11. oh no…I just saw this thread and I’m so so so very sorry Ren. I saw your kitty’s pics when you just got them over on the old site, I’m truly sorry for your loss and pain :-(

  12. Outis says:

    Ren

    So sorry to hear of your loss. I will try and send you something in the next couple of days. I had to get an account and they tell me that it will take 2-3 days to activate.

    I have started something that might help. It is called “Buy Ren a drink”

    Details at my place.

    If the rest of the bloggers ( and tweeters) out there can throw the idea on their blogs, it might help a bit.

    Again, my condolences.

    Outis

  13. Senator says:

    Well, shit. I’m sorry, Ren. And I know all the I’m sorrys never really cut it, but I don’t have better words for times like this.

    I’m glad you got it all out here. If you gotta be strong for Mr. E, we’re here for those times when we all need carried by one another.

    Will see what we might be able to toss via paypal.

    Big love to you, Mr. and Sharon.

  14. Ouyang Dan says:

    Fuck, and I never know what to say, but I am so sorry. Incredibly sorry.

  15. Kristen says:

    I’m so sorry. Sometimes the world is so fucked, that there are no words.

  16. I’m sorry for your loss. We lost a kitten, Archie, about four years ago, and it was devastating. It’s not fair, when this kind of shit happens.

  17. Iamcuriousblue says:

    Condolences. I can sympathize which such compound loss – my mother died of brain cancer several years back, followed just two weeks later by the death of my kitty of many years, who had lived back and forth between my mom and I. I only found out about the cat’s illness the day after my mom’s funeral, after taking her to the vet because I noticed she wasn’t eating. I was caretaker for both terminal illnesses. Often when it rains, it really does pour.

  18. […] lost her kitten and is facing a huge vet bill. There’s a donation button on her old blog. Click on it if you […]

  19. I missed this, and I am so sorry. ((cries)) I nearly lost my Cyril at about the same age; shelter kitties are often a mess, I’ve learned. I am glad I was able to save him. I am so sorry your baby was not saved. :(

  20. Amber Rhea says:

    Oh, Ren… just now seeing this… I am so, so sorry.

  21. LiseyDuck says:

    I am so sorry to hear this.
    (~aka Nella)

  22. Amanda says:

    First time I’ve had a chance to check back and see how he was.
    I am so sorry Ren. I know it doesn’t help, but as a non huggy person, I really want to give you a hug right now.

  23. ginmar says:

    I just wanted to let you know i haven’t forgotten, girlfriend. I’m so sorry.

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